Happy Holidays

Think it over...!

Diamonds are for farting!

A Lady walks into Tiffany's... She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts...

Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticedd her little woops and prays that a salesperson was not anywhere near...

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her...

Good looking as well... cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Tiffany's

He polite greets the lady with,

- "good day, madam... how may we help  you today"?

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little "incident", she asks,

- "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"
 
He answers,

- " Madam... if you farted  just looking at it - you're going to shit when I tell you the price.

Camping

An illiterate father with his educated son went on a camping trip, they set up their tent and feel asleep.
Some hour later, father wakes his son and asks:
- "Look up to the sky and tell me what do you see?
- Son: I see Millions of stars...
- Father: What does that tell you?
- Son: Astronomically it tells there are millions of galaxies and planets up there...
- Father: Slaps the son hard and says, "Idiot, someone has stolen our tent!"

TIPS OF THE DAY – PREPOSITIONS

ACROSS - Indica movimento ou extensão por cima de um objeto, de um lado para outro. – Através de.

                        e.g.: -   He lives across the street.

                                   She swam across the river.

AFTER - Depois de, após, atrás de, em busca ou no encalço de, à maneira de, abaixo de (graduação),

     e.g.: -   After a storm comes a calm.

                                   The letter arrived the day after.

                                   Peter went after his brothers.

                                   The policeman ran after the crook.

                                   A painting after Rembrandt.

                                   A captain comes after a major.

AGAINST - Contra, em contato com, para, (em previsão de).

                        e.g.: - Let’s all fight against tyranny.

                                 The public opinion was against Bill Clinton.

                                 She was leaning against the wall.

                                 We must save against bad days in the future.

Video Clip of the Day

   Remember to wear a bicycle helmet.

Differences

 Obama x Brown

Four More Years

Quotation of the Day

Why Do Couples Fight ?

 When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So, I took her to a petrol pump And then the fight started.

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation."Somewhere I've not been in a long time." So I took her to the kitchen. Then the fight started.

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started.

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a weighing scale. And then the fight started.

Tell me about it!

A lovely short story

After losing his parents, this 3 year old orangutan was so depressed he wouldn't eat and didn't respond to any medical treatments. The veterinarians thought he would surely die from sadness.

The zoo keepers found an old sick dog on the grounds in the park at the zoo where the orangutan lived and took the dog to the animal treatment center.

The dog arrived at the same time the orangutan was there being treated. The 2 lost souls met and have been inseparable ever since. The orangutan found a new reason to live and each day always tries his best to be a good companion to his new found friend. They are together 24 hours a day in all their activities.
                      
They live in  Northern California where swimming is their favorite past time, although Roscoe (the orangutan) is a little afraid of the water and needs his friend's help to swim.  Together they have discovered the joy and laughter in life and the value of friendship. They have found more than a friendly shoulder to lean on.

Teaching Tips & Ideas

SEVERE LINGUISTICS DIFFICULTIES – TH – Sounds – Silent Letters


Many students use to substitute an “S sound”, a “D sound” or a “Z sound” for the TH sound. Though there are all kinds of exercises for the TH sounds, here’s my favorite. “Three –Thousand –Three – Hundred –Thirty –Three -Trees”. If every student can say this sentence correctly, we feel that they have more or less mastered TH sounds and are able to go to other subjects.


Another common error is the pronunciation of silent letters: The L in Walk, Talk, Chalk, the T in Listen, and Castle, the B in Climb and Lamb are frequent but the silent letter which is most usually pronounced is the W in the word ANSWER. Here’s what I believe to be the cure for that sort of error. The drill is a conversation between two people and it should be read first by the teacher then by the class - divided into two groups - then, by two students then by individuals. If repeated a great many times it will sound kind of stupid but on the other hand it is quite presumable that the “W sound” will be gone forever. H.C.


Here’s The Drill:


A – Will you come to the movies, Sir? What is your answer, Sir?
B – Yes, I will come to the movies, Sir! That’s my answer, Sir!
A – There’s “Singin’ in the Rain” on screen and, Sir!
B – Sandwiches and Popcorn and ice cold Coke, Sir ? Yes, I will come
to the movies, Sir!
A – Is this your final answer, Sir?
B - Yes, this is my answer, Sir! My very final answer, Sir!

Laughter's the best Medicine

Quote of the Day

Personally, I know nothing about sex because I've always been married. Zsa Zsa Gabor

That's very true!

A nice ride with interesting anagrams…

PRESBYTERIAN: BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER: MOON STARER

DESPERATION: A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES: THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH: HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE: HERE COME DOTS


DORMITORY: DIRTY ROOM

SLOT MACHINES: CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY: IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS: LIES – LET’S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS: ALAS ! NO MORE Z’S

A DECIMAL POINT: I’M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES: THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO: TWELVE PLUS ONE

MOTHER-IN-LAW: WOMAN HITLER

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16.  The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17.  A backward poet writes inverse.

18.  In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine .

21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

23.  Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24.  Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says,'Are you sure?'  The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25.  Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26.  There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Ten Wise Questions

I've found these questions interesting among friends. It's amazing what the simple answers to these questions reveal about a person's thoughts, feelings and beliefs. These 10 questions originally came from a French TV series, "Bouillon de Culture" hosted by Bernard Pivot. It is probably more familiar to many as the questions James Lipton (photo) asks at the end of the American TV series "Inside the Actor's Studio." Try to exercise them with your students and friends. H.C.

01. What is your favorite word?

02. What is your least favorite word?

03. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

04. What turns you off?

05. What is your favorite curse word?

06. What sound or noise do you love?

07. What sound or noise do you hate?

08. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

09. What profession would you not like to participate?

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Video Clip of the Day

Just For Laughs... Dunham and Walter

Milking?

He Talks... Try Google!

 I don't have all the answers. Try Google!

Best Scenes From Classic Movies

"Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" is a 1969 American Western film directed by George Roy Hill and screenplay by William Goldman. Based loosely on fact, the film tells the story of Wild West outlaws Butch Cassidy, Paul Newman and his partner, the "Sundance Kid" Robert Redfor. The film won four Academy Awards: Best Cinematography; Original Score for a Motion Picture, Best Music, Song ("Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head"- Burt Bacharat); and Best Story and Screenplay Based on Material Not Previously Published or Produced.

The movie also won numerous British Academy Film Awards, including Best Film, Best Direction, Best Screenplay, Best Cinematography, Best Actor (Redford though), and Best Actress for Katharine Ross. In 2003, the film was selected for preservation in the United States National Film Registry by the Library of Congress as being "culturally, historically and aesthetically significant". This specific scene occurs when the two outlaws flee to Bolivia and they have to jump into the gorge but The Sundance Kid (Redford) can't swim. See the clip. HC

Adam talks to God.

One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he says,

- "Excuse me GOD, can I ask you a few questions? GOD replied,

- "Go on Adam but be quick I have a world to create. So Adam says,

- "When you created Eve, why did You make her body so curvy and tender unlike mine?"

- "I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."

- "Oh, well then, why did You give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?"

- "I did that Adam so that you could love her."

- "Oh, well then, why did You make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?"

- "Well Adam, no. I did that so that she could love you"

Clip of The Day

... The little rascal!

Life is Very Short

An English teacher wrote the words,
"Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

Welcome to Hell Sweetheart

Photo of the Day

Starry Night

There was a boy and girl outside looking at the stars:

Boy: - It's nice out.

Girl: - Mmmmhmm

(Shooting star goes by)

Boy: - A shooting star! Make a wish!

(Girl makes wish)

Boy: - Did you make a wish? Did it come true?

Girl: - No.

Boy: - Why not?

Girl: - 'Cause your still here!

If I Fell - Rehearsal

Here's something very rare. "If I fell" performed by the Beatles on 14-7-1964 in the BBC studio. The video is taken from "A hard days night."

Clip of The Day

New Theory: Survival Of The Drunkest

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of wine and beer eliminates the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

The results of this in-depth epidemiological study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and engineering performance. It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving university and getting married, most engineers cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates. Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieved during their university years.

So, this is a call to arms. As our country is losing its technological edge we should not shudder in our homes. Get back into the bars! Quaff that beer! Drink that wine! Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn't deny yourself the career that you could have.

Super Hero or Not!

Kiss My ***

A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable the food is terrible It's too hot, It's too cold & the accommodations are awful.

The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be following you all your days, if you kiss the Blarney Stone," the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow."

"We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone."

"Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."

"And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.

"No, ma'am," the guide said, "but I've sat on it."

Charge of the Day

No comments!

Heaven and Hell

Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are Italian, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Brazilian and it is all organized by the Swiss.

Hell  is where the chefs are British, the mechanics are Brazilian, the lovers are Swiss, the police German and it is all organized by the Italians.

Not Focusing On Past

Laughter's the best...

Patient In Room 302

A sweet old lady telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked,

- "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said,

- "I can, what's the name and room number?"

The old lady in her weak voice said,

- "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied,

- "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."

After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said,

- "Oh, I have good news, her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday."

The old lady said,

- "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you!"

The operator replied,

- "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said,

- "No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me shit."

Teaching Tips

The use of : “To  Make and To Do”  

e.g. To Make A Purchase – To Do Shopping

The above examples are enough to show you that it is sometimes very hard the use of these two verbs. Sorry but all you have to do is study both verbs and get acquainted with the use of them. Here are some expressions:

Make a check______________________________           

Make a difference___________________________

Make a discount____________________________

Make a mess_______________________________

Make a reservation__________________________

Make a bet_________________________________

Make a phone call___________________________

Make a speech_____________________________

Make a question____________________________

Make a question____________________________

Make a compliment_________________________

Make a mistake ____________________________

Make an effort_____________________________

Do a business______________________________

Do a favor_________________________________

Do a good action____________________________

Do a stupid thing____________________________

Do as you like______________________________

That will do________________________________

Do one’s best______________________________

Do good__________________________________

Do justice_________________________________

Do nothing________________________________

Do wrong_________________________________

Do the right thing___________________________

Make a compliment_________________________


As you can see, it’s not that easy to deal with “Make” and “Do”! You should go to the Dictionary and discover the meaning of the words and expressions.

Famous Quotations

"The real reason for not committing suicide is because you always know how swell life gets again after the hell is over". Ernest Hemingway, american writer and novelist who deliberately shot himself with his favorite shotgun.

You Know You Are...

Neide Hornung

For my friends (including me) who are going through some issues right now: Let's start a prayer avalanche. We all need prayers right now. If I don't see your name, I'll understand. May I ask my "FB Family" wherever you may be to kindly copy, paste and share this status for one hour to give a prayer of support to all those who have family problems, health, struggles, worries and just need to know that someone cares. Do it for all of us for nobody is immune. I hope to see this on the walls of all my friends just for moral support. I know some will!! I did it for a friend and you can too. Share some faith, love, and spiritual healing for all in need. Thank you.

Clip of the Day

Comments are unnecessary!

Today's Lesson

That's How I Want To Go

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for an IRS agent and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.

The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment.

They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them.

They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness and their avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats.

Finally, the lawyer said, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too."

FBI - New Rules

The Secret Service issued new rules of conduct for agents Friday. They can no longer get drunk, procure hookers or go to strip bars. The rules say that from now on, if agents feel compelled to engage in such behavior, they can run for public office like everyone else.

Teaching Tips

Jesus the Driver

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned.

Susie said, "He was born in a manger."

Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple."

Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it."

Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny?"

"From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?'"

Video Clip of the Day

Rest in peace Mr. Robin Gibbs. Thank you indeed for your music.

They did not know it was impossible, so they did it! Mark Twain

The Clip of the Day

Received from my grandson this amazing video clip on the world of music. I share with you guys now. Have a good time. HC

Look What I Found !

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them.
Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the pages.

- "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.

- "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.

With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered,

- "It's Adam's suit!"

Look what $ 1 will buy!

That's it!

Johnnie Boy

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asks,

- "Johnnie! What is your problem?!"

Johnnie says,

- "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister's in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade!"

The teacher had had enough. As a result, she took Johnnie to the principal's office and explained Johnnie's request. While Johnnie waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation to the principal. The principal told Johnnie's teacher that he would give the boy a test and if Johnnie failed to answer any of the special questions he was to go back to the first grade and  behave. The teacher agreed.

Johnnie was brought into the room. The principal told Johnnie his terms and Johnnie agreed.

Principal: - "What is 3 x 3?"

Johnnie: - "9"

Principal: - "What is 6 x 6?"

Johnnie: - "36"

Principal: - "What is 9 x 9?"

Johnnie: - "81"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. Johnnie appeared to have a strong case. The principal looked at the teacher and told her:

- "I think Johnnie can go on to the third grade."

The teacher, knowing Little Johnnie's tendency toward sexual wisecracks, said to the principal

- "Let *me* ask him some questions before we make that decision?" The principal and Johnnie both agreed, Johnnie with a sly look on his face.

The teacher began by asking,

- "What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2 of?"

Johnnie: - "Legs."

Teacher: - "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal's eyes open wide! Before he could stop Johnnie's expected answer,

Johnnie said, - "Pockets."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,

- "I think we should put Johnnie in the fifth grade. I missed the last two questions myself!"

10 POINTS THAT TOOK ME ALMOST 50 YEARS TO LEARN WHO'S WHO?

David Barry, Jr. (born July 3, 1947) is a bestselling American author and Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist who wrote a nationally syndicated column for the The Miami Herald from 1983 to 2005.

Barry was born in Armonk, New York. He was educated at Pleasantville High School where he was elected class clown in 1965. He earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in English from Haverford College in 1969.

As the son of a minister and an alumnus of a Quaker-affiliated college, Barry avoided military service during the Vietnam War by registering as a religious conscientious objector.

1. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

2.  People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

3. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

4. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

7. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

8. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

9. Your friends love you anyway.

10. Never be afraid to try something new just remember that a lone amateur built the Ark and a large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Clip of The Day

Have a Good Time!

Tale of a Lost Senior Citizen

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong.
He told me,

- "I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I continued,

- Well, then why are you crying? He added,

- She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favourite biscuits, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon. I said,

- Well, why are you crying? He said,

- For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favourite dessert and then we cuddle until the small hours.
I inquired,

- Well then, why in the world would you be crying? He replied,

- "I can't remember where I live."

The Ant & the Grasshopper

Classic Version:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

Modern Version:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Then a representative of the NAAGB (National Association of Green Bugs) shows up on Nightline and charges the ant with "green bias", and makes the case that the grasshopper is the victim of 30 million years of greenism. Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when he sings "It's Not Easy Being Green."

Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on the CBS Evening News to tell a concerned Dan Rather that they will do everything they can for the grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who benefited unfairly during the Reagan summers, or as Bill refers to it, the "Temperatures of the 80's." Richard Gephardt exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."

Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Greenism Act" retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare moms who can only hear cases on Thursday's between 1:30 and 3pm when there are no talk shows scheduled.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he's in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him since he doesn't know how to maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. And on the TV, which the grasshopper bought by selling most of the ant's food, they are showing Bill Clinton standing before a wildly applauding group of Democrats announcing that a new era of "fairness" has dawned in America.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

What A Coincidence

Two women were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one looks at the other and says,

- "I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland ."

The other woman responds proudly, ‘

- "Yes, I sure am!" The first one says,

- "So am I! And where about in Ireland are ya from?" The other woman answers,

- "I’m from Dublin, I am." The first one responds,

- "So, am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin ?" The other woman says,

- "A lovely little area. It was in the west end. I lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of town." The first one says,

- "Faith, and it’s a small world. So did I! So did I! And what school did ya go to?" The other woman answers,

- "Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course." The first one gets really excited and says,

- "And so did I! Tell me, what year did you graduate?" The other woman answers,

- "Well, now, let’s see. I graduated in 1964." The first woman exclaims,

- "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight! Can you believe it?

- "I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 me self!"

About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael shaking his head and mutters,

- "It’s going to be a long night tonight." Michael asks,

- "Why do you say that, Brian?" Brian answers,

- “The Murphy twins are drunk again!"

Teaching Tips

An oxymoron (plural oxymorons or oxymora) (from Greek ?µ?, "sharp dull") is a figure of speech that combines contradictory terms: e.g. "thunderous silence".
Below is a long list. Help yourself. HC

47. Act naturally
46. Found missing
45. Resident alien
44. Advanced BASIC
43. Genuine imitation
42. Airline Food
41. Good grief
40. Same difference
39. Almost exactly
38. Government organization
37. Sanitary landfill
36. Alone together
35. Legally drunk
34. Silent scream
33. American history
32. Living dead
31. Small crowd
30. Business ethics
29. Soft rock
28. Butt Head
27. Military Intelligence
26. Software documentation
25. New York culture
24. New classic
23. Sweet sorrow
22. Childproof
21. "Now, then ..."
20. Synthetic natural gas
19. Passive aggression
18. Taped live
17. Clearly misunderstood
16. Peace force
15. Extinct Life
14. Temporary tax increase
13. Computer jock
12. Plastic glasses
11. Terribly pleased
10. Computer security
09. Political science
08. Tight slacks
07. Definite maybe
06. Pretty ugly
05. Twelve-ounce pound cake
04. Diet ice cream
03. Working vacation
02. Exact estimate

And the Number one top Oxymoron

01. Microsoft Works

Quotation Of The Day

"When I was in university, there was this major historian of the Third Reich, Ian Kershaw, who said, 'The path to Auschwitz was paved with indifference.' (...) it's an interesting idea that not everyone in Germany had to be a raving anti-Semite. They just had to be apathetic." - Sacha Baron Cohen

Mr Cohen is an English stand-up comedian, writer, actor, and voice artist. He is most widely known for writing and playing three unorthodox fictional characters Ali G, Borat, and Brüno.