Clip of The Day

MASH is a 1970 American satirical comedy film directed by Robert Altman and written by Ring Lardner, Jr., based on the novel by Richard Hooker. One of the biggest hit films of the early 1970s for Twentieth Century Fox, and especially during the time of the Vietnam era. The film is set during the Korean War, but mirrors the tragedy of Vietnam.

The film stars Donald Sutherland, Tom Skerritt and Elliott Gould, with Sally Kellerman, Robert Duvall, Roger Bowen, Gary Burghoff, Michael Murphy, Rene Auberjonois, David Arkin and Fred Williamson.

The "best equipped dentist in the army", tells a mate that he has suffered a "lack of performance" with a visiting nurse and now believes that he has latent homosexual tendencies. Soon after, he reveals his desire to commit suicide and seeks advice on which method to use. His friends then suggest him to use the "black capsule", a fictitious, fast-acting poison. At an impromptu Last Supper, Dr. Painless takes the capsule actually a sleeping pill and falls asleep in a coffin to the strains of "Suicide is Painless" the theme song. Capt Hawkeye then persuades Lt. Maria Schneider, one of the nurses who is returning to the U.S. the following day, to spend the night with Painless, thus curing him of his problems. See the funeral scene. HC

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

The Drinks On Me

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.

The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00.

The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.

The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill."

In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?"

The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent when you drink."

Quote of the Day

You know you're really down and out when you find an ice-cream parlor that offers some 25 different combinations of flavors and you ask for vanilla...

Famous last words

"Pardonnez-moi, monsieur. Je ne l'ai pas fait exprès."

Translation: "Pardon me, sir. I did not do it on purpose."

Who: Marie Antoinette

Note: As she approached the guillotine, convicted of treason and about to be beheaded, she accidentally stepped on the foot of her executioner.

Rules of Thumb

To look up to – To admire and respect To look down on – To act as if someone is less important than you To treat someone as an equal – To act as if someone is the same as you

Has–Been

Function: noun (count)

Plural: Has-Beens

Status: informal

Meaning:

A person who is no longer popular or successful
e.g. They called him a washed-up old has-been.

A famous child actor who had become a has-been at 25

Note: Has-Been is often used before another noun.

e.g. A Has-Been singer

Video of the Day - Alberta Hunter

Alberta Hunter was an American blues singer and songwriter. Her career had started back in the early 1920s, and despite her upbringing, she went on to become one of the most famous jazz and blues performers of her time. In the 1950s, shocked by her mother’s death, Hunter retired from the limelight and worked as a nurse for 11 years. Hunter was working at New York's Goldwater Memorial Hospital in 1961 when record producer Chris Albertson asked her to break an 11-year absence from the recording studio.

Hunter finally got her break when she moved to New York City. She performed with such famous jazz names as Bricktop and Louis Armstrong. She made her home in the city and bought more than one house there, but it was a constant reminder of the struggle for work. She felt more comfortable in Europe where the work was more readily available. Equally important to Alberta was the fact that racism was not as strong a factor outside of the United States as it was inside. I had the privilege of seeing Dame Alberta Hunter singing the blues in São Paulo, some two years before she passed away in 1984. HC.

Pope Michael I

There are more things in heaven and earth, than are dreamt of in our vain philosophy. The world, seems to go crazier by each passing day. The event below is a real proof of that. HC

"The pious citizen of the photo above is David Allen Bawden, American, elected "Pope Michael I" by a group of six post-Sedevacantists Conclavis Catholics, under the argument that the elections of the past six Popes were invalid because of the elect are all too modernists.

The Sedevacantists argue that if the College of Cardinals electing a Pope can not "valid", Catholics like they can do so under the principle of "Epikeia" (equity). Acting on this principle, David Bawden was elected Pope by six people in 1990 (including himself and his parents).

David Allen Bawden (born September 22, 1959), was elected "Pope Michael I" to fill the vacancy they consider to have been caused by the death of Pope Pius XII in 1958. He is one of a group of self-proclaimed papal pretenders (or antipopes), including Fr. Lucian Pulvermacher (proclaimed Pius XIII) in Montana and the late Clemente Domínguez y Gómez (proclaimed Gregory XVII) in Spain."

His Holiness Michael I is in full possession of his sacred office to this date.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

The Institution of Marriage

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't. - James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Patrick Murray

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday "is to forget it once".
- Nash

You know what I did before I married? "Anything I wanted to." - Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. "Then we met." - Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband "when she's wrong."
- Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: Wife wanted. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
- Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): My wife's an angel!
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
- Anonymous

Famous last words

"Home to the palace to die…"

Alexander II of Russia

His guards heard him utter this phrase when they found his maimed body under a seat from his carriage after he was attacked with bombs by anarchists in an assassination attempt. He lost his left leg and was taken home where he died hours after his wound.

Word of The Day

CONVENE

Function: verb

Inflected forms:

convenes; convened; convening

Meaning:

: to come together in a group for a meeting

e.g.: (no object) The students convened (assembled) in the gym.
We convened at the hotel for a seminar.
This class convenes twice a week.

(with object) convene a meeting.
A panel of investigators was convened by the president to review the case.

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain

RULES OF THUMB

The word "thankful" comes from the noun "thanks."

- I'd like to say thank you.
- I'm am very thankful.

Here are some more adjectives that end in -FUL:

colorful - having many colors; full of color
helpful - someone who helps others
cheerful - someone who feels happy, or full of cheer
tearful - someone who is sad or their eyes are full of tears
powerful - having a lot of power
painful - causing pain