LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

What A Coincidence

Two women were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one looks at the other and says,

- "I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland ."

The other woman responds proudly, ‘

- "Yes, I sure am!" The first one says,

- "So am I! And where about in Ireland are ya from?" The other woman answers,

- "I’m from Dublin, I am." The first one responds,

- "So, am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin ?" The other woman says,

- "A lovely little area. It was in the west end. I lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of town." The first one says,

- "Faith, and it’s a small world. So did I! So did I! And what school did ya go to?" The other woman answers,

- "Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course." The first one gets really excited and says,

- "And so did I! Tell me, what year did you graduate?" The other woman answers,

- "Well, now, let’s see. I graduated in 1964." The first woman exclaims,

- "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight! Can you believe it?

- "I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 me self!"

About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael shaking his head and mutters,

- "It’s going to be a long night tonight." Michael asks,

- "Why do you say that, Brian?" Brian answers,

- “The Murphy twins are drunk again!"

Teaching Tips

An oxymoron (plural oxymorons or oxymora) (from Greek ?µ?, "sharp dull") is a figure of speech that combines contradictory terms: e.g. "thunderous silence".
Below is a long list. Help yourself. HC

47. Act naturally
46. Found missing
45. Resident alien
44. Advanced BASIC
43. Genuine imitation
42. Airline Food
41. Good grief
40. Same difference
39. Almost exactly
38. Government organization
37. Sanitary landfill
36. Alone together
35. Legally drunk
34. Silent scream
33. American history
32. Living dead
31. Small crowd
30. Business ethics
29. Soft rock
28. Butt Head
27. Military Intelligence
26. Software documentation
25. New York culture
24. New classic
23. Sweet sorrow
22. Childproof
21. "Now, then ..."
20. Synthetic natural gas
19. Passive aggression
18. Taped live
17. Clearly misunderstood
16. Peace force
15. Extinct Life
14. Temporary tax increase
13. Computer jock
12. Plastic glasses
11. Terribly pleased
10. Computer security
09. Political science
08. Tight slacks
07. Definite maybe
06. Pretty ugly
05. Twelve-ounce pound cake
04. Diet ice cream
03. Working vacation
02. Exact estimate

And the Number one top Oxymoron

01. Microsoft Works

Quotation Of The Day

"When I was in university, there was this major historian of the Third Reich, Ian Kershaw, who said, 'The path to Auschwitz was paved with indifference.' (...) it's an interesting idea that not everyone in Germany had to be a raving anti-Semite. They just had to be apathetic." - Sacha Baron Cohen

Mr Cohen is an English stand-up comedian, writer, actor, and voice artist. He is most widely known for writing and playing three unorthodox fictional characters Ali G, Borat, and Brüno.

Wise Sentence of The Day

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternising with the enemy".

Warning Signs On Alcohol Bottles

Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.

Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you.

Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.

Consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

Zodiac : Hidden Meanings

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb 18) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a jerk.

PISCES (Feb 19-Mar 20) - You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence on your friends, and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 20) - You are the pioneer type and think most people are quick-tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You too are a jerk.

TAURUS (Apr 21-May 20) - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded.

GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20) - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard.

CANCER (Jun 21-Jul 22) - You are sympathetic and understanding to other peoples problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everybody in prison is a Cancer.

LEO (Jul 23-Aug 22) - You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you're an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieves and spend most of their lives kissing mirrors.

VIRGO (Aug 23-Sep 22) - You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nitpicking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

LIBRA (Sep 23-Oct 22) - You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21) - The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21) - You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarius' are drunks. You are not worth the time of day.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19) - You are conservative and are afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.

Steve Jobs - Very Funny