Clip of the Day

Joe Brown, is an English entertainer. He's worked as a rock and roll singer and guitarist for more than five decades. He was a stage and television performer in the late 1950s and a UK recording star in the early 1960s. Mr. Brown has made six films, presented specialist radio series for BBC Radio 2, appeared on the West End stage alongside Dame Anna Neagle. In recent years he has again concentrated on recording and performing music, playing two tours of around 100 shows every year and releasing an album almost every year. Described by the Guinness Book of British Hit Singles & Albums, as a "chirpy Cockney", Brown was one of the original artists managed by the early rock impresario, Larry Parnes". He is highly regarded in the music business as a 'musician's musician' who 'commands respect and admiration from a wide spectrum of artists'. His performance of "I'll See You In My Dreams" at the "Concert for George" shows that he is still great after all these years. HC

Now, Ponder these

Steven Wright

Steven Alexander Wright is an American comedian, actor and writer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical and sometimes nonsensical jokes and one-liners with contrived situations. If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the guy who once said:

"I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen...and replaced by exact duplicates."

Here are some more of his gems:

"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."

"Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back."

"Half the people you know are below average, 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name."

"Half all statistics are made up on the spot."

"A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good."

"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."

"If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."

"All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand."

"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. (Think about it some more.)

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

What They Don't Teach You At Harvard

Two gentleman walked into the men's locker room at their prestigious country club; one was wearing a Harvard jacket, the other a Yale pullover.

After taking a leak, the Harvard man stopped to wash his hands--while the Yale man walked towards the door.

The Harvard man looked at the Yale man disapprovingly. "At Harvard, we take care to wash our hands after using the lavatory."

"Well," the Yale man replied, "at Yale, we know not to piss on our hands."

At the Church

A little boy was attending a wedding for the first time. After the service, his cousin asked him,

- "How many women can a man marry?"

- "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.

- "How do you know that?"

- "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"

A "marriage of the 90's"

Jack and Jill got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's", equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed. Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted,

- "Poached? I wanted scrambled!"

Undaunted, the next morning, Jack brought his true love a scrambled egg. Jill wasn't having any of it.

- "Do you think I don't like variety? I wanted poached this morning!"

Part II

Determined to please Jill, the next morning Jack thought, "third time's a charm" and brought her two eggs: one scrambled and one poached.

- "Here, my love, enjoy!" Jill looks at the plate and says, "You scrambled the wrong egg."

The Wedding Ring

A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the wedding ring. As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned.

- "Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said,

- "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day."

The Certificate

This guy was talking to his buddy, when he said,

- "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said,

- "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!"

So the first fella did just that. The next day his buddy asked,

- "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?"

- "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."

LawnmowerWoman: - "Doctor, for the last eight months, my husband has thought that he's a lawnmower."

Doctor: - "That's terrible, why didn't you bring him in sooner?"

Woman: - "Because the neighbor just returned him this morning."

Famous Quotations

"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesnt believe, and leaves before she is left." Marilyn Monroe. One of the most enduring sex symbols of our time.

Famous Last Words

"Are you guys ready? Let's roll".

Todd Beamer, passenger on United Flight 93, September 11, 2001. These are his last recorded words, coming at the end of a cell phone call before Beamer and others attempted to storm the airliner's cockpit to retake it from hijackers who were part of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. The plane crashed near Shanksville, Pennsylvania.

Word Origins

Was the first computer 'bug' a real insect?

The story goes that one of the early electromechanical computers suffered a failure because an insect had crawled into the machine and been squashed between the moving parts of a relay switch, thereby jamming it. The incident was written up in the logbook and spread from there throughout the whole of the infant computer industry. However, although the account seems to be genuine, the word is older: the event was recorded as an amusement for posterity precisely because the term 'bug' was already in use.

The term in fact originates not with computer pioneers, but with engineers of a much earlier generation. The first example cited in the 20-volume historical Oxford English Dictionary is from the Pall Mall Gazette of 11 March 1889:

"I was informed that Mr. Edison, had been up the two previous nights discovering 'a bug' in his phonograph - an expression for solving a difficulty, and implying that some imaginary insect has secreted itself inside and is causing all the trouble."

It seems clear from this that the original 'bug', though it was indeed an insect, was in fact imaginary.

RULES OF THUMB

You can identify a bad writer before you have seen a word of his copy if he uses the expression "we writers." Gardner Botsford - Veteran editor at The New Yorker magazine.

Word of The Day

OUTBREAK noun (count)

Plural - Outbreaks

MEANING
A sudden start or increase of fighting or disease:

e.g. a cholera outbreak — often followed by of

They are preparing for an outbreak of the virus.

Clip of the Day

Good Old Times

"Way Out West" is a Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy comedy film released in 1937. It was directed by James W. Horne, produced by Stan Laurel and distributed by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. This film was the second picture for which Laurel was credited as producer, the first was 1936's "Our Relations"; Laurel had served in that capacity uncredited for the duo's entire career. The executive producer was Hal Roach.

Film soundtrack

The film's score was composed by Marvin Hatley and nominated for an Academy Award for Best Music Scoring. The film includes two famous songs, "Trail Of The Lonesome Pine" sung by Laurel and Hardy except for a few lines by Chill Wills and Rosina Lawrence, lip-synched for comedic effect by Laurel and "At The Ball, That's All" sung by The Avalon Boys and accompanied by Laurel and Hardy performing an extended dance routine, which they rehearsed endlessly.

Times of non-violence and pure humor. Enjoy the clip. HC

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

- Little Mary Margaret

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?'

When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

'God Almighty!' shouted Mary Margaret.

The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'

But Mary didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt with the pencil.

'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, ‘Very good,' and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'

Again, Johnny came to the rescue.

This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'

The nun fainted.



Water In Carburetor

"The car won't start," said a wife to her husband. "I think there's water in the carburetor."

"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburetor is."

"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure there's water in the carburetor."

"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"

"In the swimming pool."




- Everything Is Big In Texas

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas.

When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said,

- "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered,

- "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed,

- "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied,

- "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied,

- "Second door to the right."

The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting,

- "Don't flush, don't flush!



- Be Polite

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: '

Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to... the bathroom?'

Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.

' 'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'

Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'

- The teacher was speechless and fainted

- You're A Big Boy, Johny !

Little Johnny runs down the stairs in tears.
His mother asked,

- “What’s the matter now?”

- “Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer,” said little Johnny through his tears.

- “That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother. “I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?

- “I did!” sobbed Johnny

Famous Quotations

"I do not paint a portrait to look like the subject, rather does the person grow to look like his portrait". Salvador Dali

Famous Last Words

"I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis". Humphrey Bogart, actor.

Words Origin

RULES OF THUMB

Will vs Going To

Option 1

Ignore it completely, especially at lower levels.

The difference between will and going to (not to mention other ways of expressing futurity) is so subtle that it cannot be easily conveyed through rules or isolated examples. Moreover, often the two forms are interchangeable (I think it will rain/I think it’s going to rain) or the meaning overlaps to such an extent that there is no risk of the learner being misunderstood.

Option 2

Teach some 'rules of thumb', and hope that these are sufficient to deal with the majority of instances that learners will come across. For example:

'Going to' is a kind of present tense – look at its form! – so you use it when you want to talk about a future situation that is already connected to the present, e.g. because there’s present evidence, or because a plan is already in motion:

e.g. - I think it’s going to rain – I just felt a drop.
They’re going to retire to the country – they’ve already bought a little cottage.

In other cases, where there is no implicit or explicit connection to the present, use will.

e.g. - The concert will be over by midnight. I’ll light the barbecue.

Word of the Day

Spoon A

Pronunciation: 'spün

Function: Noun

1 : An eating or cooking implement consisting of a small shallow bowl with a relatively long handle
2 : Something (as a tool or fishing lure) that resembles a spoon in shape

Spoon B

Function: transitive verb
: to take up and usually transfer in a spoon

intransitive verb (perhaps from the Welsh custom of an engaged man's presenting his fiancée with an elaborately carved wooden spoon) : to make love by caressing, kissing, and talking amorously : NECK

Clip of the Day

Rowan Atkinson's about to tell Mr. Bean goodbye. The star feels he is too old to play the character any more. Everyone remembers the first time Rowan Atkinson brought his comic creation Mr Bean to the screens in 1989. The series ran until 1995 and since spawned two film versions under the directorial eye of Mel Smith. Atkinson has now revealed that he has probably said goodbye to the character for good as he’s getting too old. Talking to the press, Atkinson said, “I’ve got the feeling that I probably won’t play the character again. Never say never but I feel I’m getting too old. I have always liked Mr Bean as a cartoon like character who doesn’t really age much. I’ve always seen him as ageless and timeless and I’m clearly not that. The older I get the less qualified I feel I am to play him.” Watch the Clip. The transcriptions are available here because of a little help from Claudio Henrique Caldas Mattos who happens to be my grandson. And also a very good teacher. HC




Rowan Atkinson Amazing Jesus

"And on the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee, and it came to pass that all the wine was drunk. And the mother of Jesus said unto the Lord,

- they have no more wine. And Jesus said unto the servants:”

- Fill six water pots with water”. And they did so.

And when the steward of the feast did taste the water from the pots it had become wine, and they knew not whence it had come. But the servants did know and they applauded loudly in the kitchen. And they said unto the Lord:

- “How the hell did you do that?” And inquired of him:” Do you do children’s parties?”. And the Lord said:

- “No.” But the servants did press him saying:

- “Go on, give us another one”. And so he brought forth a carrot and said,

- “Behold this for it is a carrot and all about him knew that it was so. For it was orange, with a green top. And he did place a large red cloth over the carrot and then removed it and lo he held in his hand a white rabbit and all were amazed and said:

- “This guy is really good! He should turn professional.” And they brought him on a stretcher a man who was sick of the palsy; and they cried onto him:

- ”Maestro, this man is sick of the palsy.” And the Lord said:”

- If I have to spend my whole life on a stretcher, I’d be pretty sick of the palsy too.” And they were filled with joy. And cried out:

- “Lord, thy one-liners are as good as thy tricks. Thou art indeed an all-round family entertainer.” And then came in to him a woman called Mary who had seen the Lord and believed. And Jesus said unto her:

- “Put on a tutu" and lie down in this box”, and then took he forth a saw and cleft her in twain. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. But Jesus said:

- “Oh,Ye of little faith!”. And he threw open the box and lo Mary was whole and the crowd went absolutely bananas. And Jesus and Mary took a big bow and he said unto her:

- “From now on you shall be known as Sharon for that is a good name for an assistant. And the people said:

- “We’ve never seen anything like this. This is great. You must be the son of God.”

Here ends the lesson.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating,

- "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply?
A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied,

- "My wife's first husband."


How To Impress A Girl ?

An older guy was working out at the gym. He was not in very good shape, but he perked up when he spotted a sweet young thing across the room. She was gorgeous!

He finally caught the trainer's eye and motioned him over.

- "Can I help you?" the buff expert asked.

- "Yeah," the graying, paunchy, guy said, huffing even though he was only pushing 10 pounds. "That girl over there...."

The trainer takes a quick look.

- "Ah, Ramona. She's in great shape, eh?"

- "Yeah," the guy says, puffing. "What machine in this place should I use to impress her?"

- "There's only one machine that could possibly work, if you're up to it," the trainer said.

- "What!?" the sweaty flab-master demanded.

- "The ATM in the lobby."

Famous Quotations

Broadly speaking, the short words are the best, and the old words best of all. Sir Winston Churchill

Famous Last Words

When the priest who was attending him at his bedsite said "May the Lord have mercy on your soul", Charles Chaplin is reported to have replied "Why Not? After all, it belongs to him." However, this may be apochryphal, since the words are a quotation from his 1946 film, "Monsieur Verdoux", and Chaplin reportedly died in his sleep.

RULES OF THUMB

THE USE OF SUFFIXES

The suffixes ment (act of, state of), er (one who does) and ness (act of, state of) can be added to words to make a noun. Add one of these suffixes to each word below so that the new word will make sense in each sentence.

1. (state) The President made a _______________to the Congress.

2. (teach) Our English___________went on vacation this weekend.

3. (deaf) People’s___________is the result of noise pollution.

4. (preach) His brother is a_____________in the Baptist Church.

5. (govern/agree) The_____________signed an_____________with the senators.

6. (paint) Picasso, the famous______________was born in Spain.

7. (sad/play) We saw the team’s______________when their best__________was hurt.

8. (fresh) _____________is important in vegetables.

9. (measure) Paul doesn’t know the exact____________of the garage door.

10. (sing) Sinatra was the best and most important American____________of this century.

11. (pay) Please, do not forget your monthly___________.

12. (labor) A person who gets paid for his work it is called a____________.

Word Origins

What is the origin of the word "snob"?

People often claim that this word originated as an abbreviated form of the Latin phrase sine nobilitate, meaning 'without nobility' (i.e. of a humble social background). Various accounts of the circumstances in which this abbreviation was supposedly used have been put forward: on lists of names of Oxford or Cambridge students; on lists of ships' passengers (to make sure that only the best people dined at the captain's table); on lists of guests to indicate that no title was required when they were announced.

The theory is ingenious but highly unlikely. The word snob is first recorded in the late 18th century as a term for a shoemaker or his apprentice. At about this time it was indeed adopted by Cambridge students, but they didn't use it to refer to students who lacked a title or were of humble origins; they used it generally of anyone who was not a student.

By the early 19th century snob was being used to mean a person with no 'breeding', both the honest labourers who knew their place, and the vulgar social climbers who copied the manners of the upper classes. In time the word came to describe someone with an exaggerated respect for high social position or wealth who looks down on those regarded as socially inferior.

It's quite possible that the phrase sine nobilitate may have appeared in one context or another, but it is difficult to see why it would have given rise to a word for a shoemaker.

Word of The Day

Get your foot in the door

MEANING

To make the first step toward a goal by gaining entry into an organization, a career, etc.

e.g. He took a job as a secretary to get his foot in the door.