Clip of The Day

Jeff Dunham is an American ventriloquist and stand-up comedian who has appeared on numerous television shows, including Late Show with David Letterman. His characters, are all of them politically incorrect, gratuitously insulting and ill tempered. Dunham has been credited with reviving ventriloquism, and doing more to promote the art form than anyone since Edgar Bergen, his idol. Dunham has been called "America's favorite comedian" and according to the concert industry publication Pollstar, he is the top-grossing standup act in North America, and is among the most successful acts in Europe as well. Dunham created his puppets himself. His most famous characters are:

Achmed the Dead Terrorist

Achmed the Terrorist was truly a terror... At least he attempted to be. He tried and failed many times. One fateful day he finally succeeded in detonating the bomb, but unfortunately for him, the only person he managed to kill was himself. Now better known as Achmed the Dead Terrorist, this conflicted, lovable fiend continues to incite terror in the hearts of no one.

Walter

Walter is a retired, grumpy old man with arms always crossed in discontent. He has a brash, negative and often sarcastic view on today's world. He is a Vietnam War veteran and "doesn't give a damn" about anyone, especially his own wife and certain audience members. Enjoy Today's Clip HC.

Old and Holey Shoes

Vladimir Putin in a recent trip to the island of Fidel Castro noted that the vast majority of Cubans wore old shoes and bow-legged.

Horrified he questioned Fidel:

- Comrade Fidel, how can, after 50 years of revolution, having your subjects still wearing the same old and holey shoes?


Fidel very annoyed replied:

- Comrade Putin, in Russia everybody wears new shoes? Tell me about it! I would love to see.

- Very well, said Putin. You go with me on the plane back to Russia, and if you find in there a single person wearing old shoes you are allowed to kill him. You have my permission.

They made a fine voyage back to Russia with some rum, vodka and Cuban cigars and ... upon arrival in Moscow, as Fidel came down from the plane, the very first thing he saw was a man wearing old shoes. He had no doubt, drew his gun and poured a hail of bullets in the unfortunate. The next day The Pravda proclaimed in bold letters.

WACKY BEARDED KILLS THE AMBASSADOR OF CUBA AT THE AIRPORT.

THE VIRTUE CALLED DEVOTION

"One day, a young man saw his father walking down the road lugging a large basket. When he got closer, the young man could see that his old grandfather was in the basket.

- "Where are you taking Grandpa, Father ?" he asked.

- "I'm taking him to the canyon", his father said.

- "He's old and mean and no good for anything now, so I'm going to throw him over the cliff."

- "Okay Father, you go right ahead" the young man said, "but be sure to save the basket. Someday I shall need it for you".

Someday we, too, will be old and feeble. Let us hope that loving families will not forget The Virtue Called Devotion.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

Why?

An Eskimo asked the local missionary,

- "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?"

- "No," said the priest, "not if you did not know."

- "Then why, asked the Eskimo, "did you tell me?"



Proud To Be Guilty

Ross and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Ross didn’t show up. Sam didn’t think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.. But after Ross hadn’t shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn’t know where Ross lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Ross, but one day, Sam approached the park and—lo and behold!—there sat Ross! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, ‘For crying out loud Ross, what in the world happened to you?’ Ross replied, ‘I have been in jail.’

‘Jail!’ cried Sam. What in the world for?’

‘Well,’ Ross said, ‘you know Sue, that cute little blonde nurse at the Doctor’s office where I sometimes go?’

‘Yeah,’ said Sam, ‘I remember her. What about her?

‘Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled ‘guilty’.

‘The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury.’

Word of The Day

Gutsy

Function: adjective
Comparative and superlative forms: gutsier; gutsiest also more gutsy; most gutsy




Status: informal

Meanings:

1 - very tough or brave
e.g: The book's gutsy heroine

2 - Showing courage
e.g.: That was a very gutsy decision.

3 - Having a strong and appealing flavor
e.g.: Gutsy stews. A rich gutsy wine

GOOD FOR NOTHING

“Matches used in the U.S. in 1840 could be lighted from either end”

WORDS OF WISDOM

BE PREPARED!
YOU NEVER GET A SECOND CHANCE TO MAKE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION!!!

RULES OF THUMB

PREPOSITIONS

ACROSS - Indica movimento ou extensão por cima de um objeto, de um lado para outro. Através de.

e.g.: - He lives across the street. She swam across the river.

AFTER - Depois de, após, atrás de, em busca ou no encalço de, à maneira de, abaixo de (graduação)

e.g.: - After a storm comes a calm. The letter arrived the day after. Peter went after his brothers. The policeman ran after the crook. A painting after Rembrandt. A captain comes after a major.

AGAINST - Contra, em contato com, para, (em previsão de)

e.g.: - Let’s all fight against tyranny. The public opinion was against Bill Clinton. She was leaning against the wall. We must save against bad days in the future.

Clip of The Day

"Dinner For One" is a comedy sketch written by Lauri Wylie a british author, for the theatre in the years 1920s. This comical play afterwhile went on to become the most frequently repeated TV programme ever according to the Guinness Book of Records. The present Clip is a single take black-and-white 1963 TV recording, featuring british comedians Freddie Frinton and May Warden.

..."Miss Sophie" is a lonely old lady celebrating her 90th birthday with four of her closest friends. (Sir Toby, Admiral von Schneider, Mr Pommeroy, and Mr Winterbottom). Unfortunately, all the guests are long dead, so butler James has to drink their share of the wine and do all the toasts. With the inevitable result he gets increasingly drunk, and keeps falling over a tiger skin on the floor..... The catch phrase for the show is,

Butler James - "Same procedure as last year Miss Sophie?"
Miss Sophie - "Same procedure as every year James".
Enjoy the Clip. HC

Christmas and New Year Holidays

Now that the Xmas and New Year festivities are over and we have already enjoyed our annual leave period, how about taking a look at the old traditions? Christmas is a Christian holiday that celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ, but many Christmas traditions come from pagan, or non-Christian sources. Christmas Trees come from a German pagan tradition. They were brought to the English (who later brought them to the US) by Prince Albert, the German husband of Queen Victoria.

Evergreen Wreaths and Boughs.

Wreaths are circles of leaves, berries and/or flowers that are usually placed on the front door. Boughs are tree branches. Evergreens are trees that stay green all year long. Because of this, they are pagan symbols of life. They were used to show that life is eternal and continues even in winter, the season of death.

Decorating with holly...

comes from the Roman solstice celebration called Saturnalia. The Winter Solstice is the shortest day of the year, when the sun shines for the least amount of time. In ancient Roman solstice celebrations, people gave each other holly because they believed it kept away lightning and evil spirits during the long nights. People have exchanged gifts for thousands of years. The Saturnalia in Rome took place at the beginning of the New Year. People gave presents as symbols of the good luck, prosperity, and happiness that they wanted their friends and family to have in the coming year. Christians credit the Magi, or Three Wise Men, with starting this tradition when they brought gifts to the Christ Child. Santa Claus is a mix of characters from many different traditions, all of them pagan: the Dutch St. Nick, the English Father Christmas, and the German Kris Kringle, among others. For centuries Norse and Germanic peoples have talked about the Yule Elf, who carries presents to people who leave him food on the Winter Solstice.

UNDERSTANDING HISTORY

Ibrahim X Jacob ...

Ibrahim the Arab goes to Jacob's store to buy a dozen bras. Jacob the Jew, sensing good business, says they are rare and few and sells for 40 euros each.

Ibrahim, the Arab buys and comes back a few days later wanting two more dozen. Jacob, the Jew says that the pieces are becoming increasingly rare and sells for 50 euros a unit.

A month later, Ibrahim, the Arab buys what is left for 75 euros each. Jacob the Jew astounded, asks what's the reason for buying so many black bras.

Ibrahim the Arab says:

- I cut the bras in two and I make two stylish little caps and sell them to Jews for 120 euros each.

AND THEN THE WAR BEGAN

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

POLITICS: (Supplied by Breno Grisi)

"He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career". Bernard Shaw

TIPS OF THE DAY

PREPOSITIONS

FOR – Indica o fim ou recompensa, já obtida ou para ser obtida, da ação expressa pelo verbo.Para. Por. Em lugar de. Indica o objeto a favor do qual a ação se faz. Precede o nome do destino onde se quer chegar, quando acompanhado dos verbos que pedem esta preposição, tais como: “To embark for. To steer for. To leave for. To start for. To make for. To sail for”. Usa-se para denotar a duração de tempo e extensão de espaço. Emprega-se no sentido de “quanto a, em relação a” etc. Antes do preço de alguma coisa.

e.g.: - Mercenaries fight more for money than for glory.
Tiradentes died for his country.
Stop talking for God’s sake!
Don’t worry, I will do the dishes for you.
When will the plane leave for London ?
Because of the rain we made for the woods.
Humanity has not enjoyed the blessings of peace for many years.
World War II lasted for 6 long years.
For myself I ask no favor.
She is tall for her age.
He sold his old car for a few dollars.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

Good Ol’ King Arthur

A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting.

- "How are we faring?" asks the king.

- "Sire," replies the knight,

- "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west."

- "What?!" shrieks the king. I don't have any enemies to the west!

- "Oh," says the knight. "Well, you do now Sire".

Castaway

From a passenger ship one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.

- “Who is it?” a passenger asks the captain.

- “No idea. Every year when we pass, he goes mad like that” answered the captain!

Short Jokes

Bob says to his friend Bill

- "My doctor says if I don't give up sex, I'll be dead in a week."

- "Why is that?" Bill asks.

- "I've been screwing his wife, answers Bob."

**************************************************

- "I have to be very careful not to get pregnant," a woman told her friend.

- "I don't understand," said the friend. "I thought your husband had a vasectomy." The woman answered,

- "Precisely."

Word of The Day

WHET

Function: verb (with object)

Inflected forms:
whets; whetted; whetting

Meaning:
to make (something, such as a person's appetite or curiosity) sharper or stronger

e.g. We had some wine to whet our appetites. You've whetted my curiosity. The ads are trying to whet booksellers' interest.

GOOD FOR NOTHING

Johnny Weissmüller, the screen's most famous Tarzan, was hired for the role without a screen test.

WORDS OF WISDOM

TEXAS WISDOM

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

RULES OF THUMB

HERE’S THE POINT

Common Prefixes

Prefixes are elements placed before a word to create a new word. Look at the following examples:
Anti- = against - antisocial (a person who does not like being with other people). Antiwar (a person who does not believe in war; opposed to war)
Hyper- = beyond the ordinary - hyperactive (a person who is very active; more active than other people). Hypersensitive (a person who is very sensitive; extra sensitive to things)
il-, in-, im-, ir- = not - illogical (not logical)
insufficient (not sufficient; not enough)
impossible (not possible)
irresponsible (not responsible)
Poly = many - polyglot (a person who speaks many languages). Polygon (a shape with many sides and angles)
Post = after - postseason (after the regular season) postscript (PS; additional remarks at the end of a letter)