Clip of the Day

Tommy Johnson - you ain't gonna believe this one! Tommy Johnson plays boogie woogie. An amazing pianist. Plays boogie-woogie piano music incredibly! The Real Boogie Man!

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

Looks Can Be Deceptive

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God she asked

- “Is my time up?” God said,

- “No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded,

- “I thought you said I had another 33 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?” God replied:

- “Shit! I didn’t recognize you.”

Quick Thinking

A man walked into the produce section of a local supermarket and asked to buy a half head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager:

- "Some asshole wants to buy a half head of lettuce."

The manager was looking behind the boy, so the boy turned around to see the man standing right behind him. So he quickly added:

- "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy:

- "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here."

- "Thank you, sir," the boy replied.

- "Where are you from, son?"

- "Texas, sir."

- "Well, why did you leave Texas?" the manager asked.

The boy said

- "Sir, there's nothing down there but whores and football players!"

- "Really," said the manager. "My wife is from Texas."

- "No kidding!" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"

RULES OF THUMB

USING WHO OF WHOM

If you can answer the question being asked with him, then use whom, and it's easy to remember because they both end with m. For example, if you're trying to ask, "Who (or whom) do you love?" The answer would be "I love him." Him ends with an m, so you know to use whom. But if you are trying to ask, "Who (or whom) stepped on Squiggly?" the answer would be "He stepped on Squiggly." There's no m, so you know to use who. So that's the quick and dirty trick: if you can't remember that you use whom when you are referring to the object of the sentence, just remember that him equals whom.
Joseph Bauer, Master Carpenter, Indian Hills, Ohio, USA

Famous Last Words

"Nothing, but death"

When asked by her sister, Cassandra, if there was anything she wanted. Jane Austen, writer, (16 December 1775 – 18 July 1817)

Word Origins

Etymology of Gringo

Origins: The word gringo came from Mexicans' overhearing American soldiers sing the song "Green Grow the Lilacs" during the Mexican-American War. Gringo is also a slang Spanish and Portuguese word used in Spanish-speaking and Portuguese-speaking countries in Latin America, to denote foreigners, often from the United States.

Word of The Day

Amendment

MEANING

Function: noun

Plural: amendments

1 (count) : a change in the words or meaning of a law or document (such as a constitution)

e.g.: Constitutional amendments

Note: This sense of amendment is often followed by to.
e.g.: They proposed an amendment to the law. (they officially suggested that a change be made to the law)
An amendment to section 37 (a) of the tax code

Note: The names of the amendments that have been made to the U.S. Constitution are usually capitalized.
e.g.: The first 10 Amendments to the Constitution of the United States are called the Bill of Rights.
Our right to free speech is protected by the First Amendment (of the U.S. Constitution).


2 (noncount) : the act or process of changing the words or meaning of a law or document : the act or process of amending something

e.g.: Rights that were granted by amendment of the Constitution