CLASSIFIEDS

Free '92 Jeep Wrangler...
Midvale, UT 84047 - Jul 1, 2009

...with proposal and wedding ring.

That's right! Act now on this one-time offer. All you have to do is date and marry me and you can be the proud owner of a 1992 Jeep Wrangler (along with a 1970 woman). Jeep has a lift, safari top for the summer/hard top for the winter, rear locker, 33" tires and (new this year) an 8000 lb winch.

Not only do you get the Jeep, but you get me. And boys, I don't come stock. I am FULLY LOADED! My add-ons include: a great sense of humor, an affection for "garage nights" (that means working on stuff in the garage), an amazing work ethic, temple-worthiness, an appreciation for sports, the ability to live well within my means, logical reasoning skills, a "work hard so you can play hard" mentality, and I'm great with kids, too!

Terms and Conditions:

1. Marriage must last a minimum of 5 years.

2. Jeep cannot feel neglected - trips to Moab required - but it's a package deal. You take the Jeep, you take me!

3. Honda 400EX included in lifetime package.

4. Honeymoon required.

Contact me at wedding.jeep@hotmail.com

Men only, please. I am ALL woman!

That's It!

Image of The Day

Laughter's the Best Medicine

Be Careful What You Name You Children

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with five young mothers and their small children.

‘You all have obsessions,’ he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said, ‘You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.’

He turned to the second Mum, Ann: ‘Your obsession is with money. It manifests itself in your children’s names, Penny, Goldie and Frank.’

He turned to the third Mum, Joyce: ‘Your obsession is alcohol.This too shows itself in your children’s names: Brandy and Sherry. You even called the cat, “Whisky.”

He then turned to the fourth Mum June: “Your obsession is with flowers. Your girls are called Rose, Daphne & Poppy.

At this point, the fifth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, ‘Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he’s talking about. Let’s go pick up Fanny and Willy and go home.’

I swear to God she (Miss Brasil) was not my student...!

My Next Life

Woody Allen

"In my next life I want to live my life backwards.

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day.

You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day.

You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for highschool.

You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsabilities, you become a baby until you are born.

And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then, Voila!

You finish off as an orgasm!

I rest my case".