Image of The Day

Quote of The Day

"A Countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats."
Benjamin Franklyn - US author, diplomat, inventor, physicist, politician, & printer

Laughter's the Best Medicine

The FBI had an opening for an operative (assassin).

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

- "We must know that you will follow our instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . kill her!!!’?

The man said,

- “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.” The agent said,
- “Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.”

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes,

- “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent said,
- “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

- ”This gun is loaded with blanks” she said. “I had to beat him to death with the chair.”?

MORAL: Women are crazy. Don’t mess with them…

BIG-BANG

Big Bang sounded like a deep hum

by Marcus Chown

The Big Bang sounded more like a deep hum than a bang, according to an analysis of the radiation left over from the cataclysm.

Physicist John Cramer of the University of Washington in Seattle has created audio files of the event which can be played on a PC. "The sound is rather like a large jet plane flying 100 feet above your house in the middle of the night," he says.

Giant sound waves propagated through the blazing hot matter that filled the Universe shortly after the Big Bang. These squeezed and stretched matter, heating the compressed regions and cooling the rarefied ones.

Even though the Universe has been expanding and cooling ever since, the sound waves have left their imprint as temperature variations on the afterglow of the big bang fireball, the so-called cosmic microwave background.

Word of The Day

CHANGELING:

Noun :

Ugly child left by fairies in place
of a pretty child (folklore); child which is
substituted for another.

"Changeling" is also the title of a 2008 movie film starring Angelina Jolie and directed by Clint Eastwood. The plot tells the story of a mother's prayer for her kidnapped son to return home is answered, though it doesn't take long for her to suspect the boy who comes back is not her son.

Teaching Tips & Ideas

THE SOUNDS OF ED

If the verb ends with "t" or "d" the final "ed" sounds exactly like "t" or "d"

e.g. want - wanted - (wanted)
wound - wounded - (wounded)

If the final sound of the verb is voiceless (no vibration) such as "sh" "tch" or "s", final t-sound is used:

wash - washed - (wosht)
watch - watched - (wotcht)
pass - passed - (passt)

If the final sound is voiced (with vibration) such "m", "n", "b", "z"; final d-sound is used:

comb - combed - (comd) (notice silent b)
plan - planned - (pland)
sob - sobbed - (sobd)
raise - raised - (reizd)

Do Not Believe In What You Hear

Little Johnny was heard by his mother reciting his homework:

- “Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch…”

- “Johnny !” shouted his mother. “Watch your language! You’re not allowed to use the swearwords.”

- “But, Mom,” replied the boy, “that’s what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it.”

Next day Johnny’s mother went right into the classroom to complain.

-“Oh, heavens !” said the teacher. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say, "Two plus two, the sum of which is four."!

Image of The Day

Quote of The Day

“The price of greatness is responsibility.”

Winston Churchill

Men & Women Are Just Simple People

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Word of The Day

Zealous

Function: adjective

Comparative and superlative forms: more zealous; most zealous

Meaning:

- feeling or showing strong and energetic support for a person, cause, etc. filled with zeal

e.g zealous fans - She was one of the president’s most zealous (ardent supporters. The detective was zealous in his pursuit of the kidnappers.

Derived forms:

Zealously - adverb
e.g. He zealously pursued the kidnappers.

Zealousness - noun (noncount)

Laughter's the Best Medicine

Image of The Day

Quote of The Day

Contact is a 1997 film about a scientist, after years of searching, finds conclusive radio proof of intelligent aliens, who send plans for a mysterious machine.

Directed by Robert Zemeckis. Written by James V. Hart and Michael Goldenberg, based on the novel by Carl Sagan.

Below is the puzzling dialogue between Dad and Daughter

Young Ellie Arroway: - Dad, do you think there's people on other planets?
Ted Arroway: - I don't know, Sparks. But I guess I'd say if it is just us... seems like an awful waste of space.

Proofs Of Who Was Jesus

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel
3. He didn’t get a fair trial

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father’s business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with His hands
2. He had wine with His meals
3. He used olive oil

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut His hair
2. He walked around barefoot all the time
3. He started a new religion

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:

1. He was at peace with nature
2. He ate a lot of fish
3. He talked about the Great Spirit

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment’s notice when there was virtually no food
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn’t get it
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do

Can I get an AMEN!! A WOMAN!?

Word of The Day

Brew

Function: verb

Inflected forms:
brews; brewed; brewing

Meanings:
1 - to make (beer, ale, etc.)
e.g. (with object) They brew the beer on the premises.

The restaurant also brews its own ginger ale and root beer.
(no object) They’ve been brewing in the new brewery since March.

brewing vats - the brewing process

2 - to make (coffee, tea, etc.)
e.g. (with object) I'll brew another pot of tea.

Note: This usage of brew is often followed by up.
e.g.
She brewed up some coffee while I cooked the bacon and eggs.

(no object) The coffee is brewing. (the coffee is being brewed).

3 - (no object) : to start to form
e.g. It feels like there's a storm brewing. Trouble is brewing.

Derived form:
brewer noun [count]
Plural: brewers

e.g. a brewer of fine ales

Laughter's the Best Medicine

Be Fair To Me, Honey

The newly weds arrived at the front desk of the posh ocean-side resort in Hilton Head, South Carolina, looking all fresh, and eager to enjoy their two week vacation - honeymoon.

The stunning blonde at the front desk smiled and said

- "Well, hi Jimmy baby, how ya been lover? Long time no see."

A frosty silence prevailed until the couple reached their room.

Once inside, the piqued bride demanded:

- "And just who was THAT woman ?!?!?"

The groom wiped his brow and said

- "Just relax honey. Please ! I'm going to have enough trouble explaining you to her."