Now, Ponder these

Steven Wright

Steven Alexander Wright is an American comedian, actor and writer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical and sometimes nonsensical jokes and one-liners with contrived situations. If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the guy who once said:

"I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen...and replaced by exact duplicates."

Here are some more of his gems:

"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."

"Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back."

"Half the people you know are below average, 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name."

"Half all statistics are made up on the spot."

"A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good."

"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."

"If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."

"All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand."

"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. (Think about it some more.)