LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

What They Don't Teach You At Harvard

Two gentleman walked into the men's locker room at their prestigious country club; one was wearing a Harvard jacket, the other a Yale pullover.

After taking a leak, the Harvard man stopped to wash his hands--while the Yale man walked towards the door.

The Harvard man looked at the Yale man disapprovingly. "At Harvard, we take care to wash our hands after using the lavatory."

"Well," the Yale man replied, "at Yale, we know not to piss on our hands."

At the Church

A little boy was attending a wedding for the first time. After the service, his cousin asked him,

- "How many women can a man marry?"

- "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.

- "How do you know that?"

- "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"

A "marriage of the 90's"

Jack and Jill got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's", equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed. Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted,

- "Poached? I wanted scrambled!"

Undaunted, the next morning, Jack brought his true love a scrambled egg. Jill wasn't having any of it.

- "Do you think I don't like variety? I wanted poached this morning!"

Part II

Determined to please Jill, the next morning Jack thought, "third time's a charm" and brought her two eggs: one scrambled and one poached.

- "Here, my love, enjoy!" Jill looks at the plate and says, "You scrambled the wrong egg."

The Wedding Ring

A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the wedding ring. As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned.

- "Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said,

- "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day."

The Certificate

This guy was talking to his buddy, when he said,

- "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said,

- "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!"

So the first fella did just that. The next day his buddy asked,

- "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?"

- "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."

LawnmowerWoman: - "Doctor, for the last eight months, my husband has thought that he's a lawnmower."

Doctor: - "That's terrible, why didn't you bring him in sooner?"

Woman: - "Because the neighbor just returned him this morning."