LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

Logic

The researcher interviews a grumpy old guy:

- Do you like theater?
- Nope. I went once and did not like.

- Cinema?
- Nope. I went once and did not like.

- Dance?
- Nope. I went once and did not like.

- Pubs?
- Nope. I went once and did not like.

Precisely at this instant a little boy enters the room. He explains:

- My son.

The interviewer then concludes:

- Your only child, I presume!


Beautiful and Cute

My husband was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and I was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You`re beautiful."

Flattered, I continued my vigil while he drifted back to sleep. Later he woke up and said, "You`re cute."

"What happened to `beautiful`?" I asked him.

"The drugs are wearing off," he replied.

Word Origins

People have been saying "handicapped" for years. Since 1504, in fact.

In 1504, after a brutal war in England, King Henry VII had an idea. King Henry knew that the war had left his country with a great number of disabled veterans. And King Henry, who unfortunately had skipped his REELife Solutions [not a trademark, thank God] training session that morning, could not envision disabled veterans being able to hold a job, or contribute to society (sic).

So King Henry VII passed some landmark legislation. He proclaimed that begging in the streets be legal for people with disabilities. So into the streets, with their "cap in hand", went King Henry's disabled veterans, to beg for money.

And so originated the term "handicap".

"hand-in-cap"

Famous Last Words

"Am I dying or is this my birthday?"
When she woke briefly during her last illness and found all her family around her bedside. Lady Nancy Astor

RULES OF THUMB

First, Second, and Third.

Whether to use first or firstly, second or secondly.

Traditional usage had first, secondly, thirdly, but this is too inconsistent for modern usage.

Most guides prefer just plain old first, second, third, and so forth, without the -ly ending.

Intensive or intense?

The New Fowler's Modern English Usage is a classical book for learners of this language. And Winston Churchill knew that very well, as he wrote to the Director of Military Intelligence about the plans for the invasion of Normandy:

- "Why must you write INTENSIVE here? INTENSE is the right word. You should read Fowler's Modern English Usage on the use of the two words".(Supplied by Breno Grisi).

Word of The Day

A Pat On The Back

Function: idiom

Status: informal

Meaning:

A show of praise or approval

e.g.: You all deserve a pat on the back (you all deserve to be praised) for making this possible.

You did a great job, so give yourself a pat on the back.

Clip of the Day

This is one of the songs The Beatles played for their audition for Decca Records in 1962. Though the performance by Paul is extraordinary and the harmonies by George and John are extremely sharp, The Beatles were rejected. Too bad!

Notice in this original ensemble - Paul McCartney, John Lennon, George Harrison and Pete Best, not Ringo Starr.

Someday in Past

On one occasion at school, Churchill at the age of 13, was asked by his Latin teacher to decline "mensa" (table). The boy proceeded to do so,
giving the nominative, accusative, genitive, dative and ablative.

-"The vocative?"prompted his teacher.

- "But I don't intend ever to talk to tables," Churchill replied reasonably, if impertinently.

Famous Quotations

“I always cry at weddings, especially my own”.
Humphrey Bogart

"How to determine the height of a skyscraper ."

Breno Grisi

This concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen: "Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."

One student replied: "You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building." This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately. He appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the University appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.

For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind which to use. On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows: "Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer. "Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper's shadow, and thereafter it is simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper. "But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi sq root (l / g). "Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up. ‘If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building. But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor's door and say to him If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper'. The student was Niels Bohr, the only Dane to win the Nobel prize for Physics.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

Sneaking In

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.

"No, no no !" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

Power Of Mind : Remember Things by Association

An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association.

A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.

"What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor.

"Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered. "You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's that flower's name?"

"A rose?" asked the neighbor.

"Yes, that's it," replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?"

Keeping It Warm

This guy went into a restaurant and ordered his meal. When the waitress came out with his soup, he noticed that she had her thumb stuck into it. This upset him, but he let it go.

She then brought out his chili, and again her thumb was in the food. He let it go again.

When she brought out his hot fudge sundae, her thumb was in the fudge and this was too much for him.

"Goddammit," said the man, "get your damn thumb out of my food!"

"Well, I injured it a while ago and the doctor said I should keep it warm."

"Why don't you just shove it up your ass?" the man said angrily.

"That's what I do when I'm in the kitchen."

Two of the greatest qualities in life are:
1. Patience 2. Wisdom

Famous Last Words

"I pray you to bear me witness that I meet my fate like a brave man".

Who: Major John André

Note: According to James Thatcher's book The American Revolution, André raised the handkerchief from his eyes and said these words when given an opportunity to speak, moments before he was hanged as a British spy.

RULES OF THUMB

THE WORD WHEN

You have probably heard children use the phrase when I grow up...
It means "when I get older."
When I grow up, I want to be a soccer player.
When I grow up, I want to be a teacher.
When I grow up, I want to be a movie star.
When I grow up, I want to work at the University.
Notice that the phrase “when I grow up” uses the present tense.
In English, if we use "when" to talk about the future, we often
use the present tense. Here are some more examples:
When I go to the store, I'll buy you a pack of gum.
I want to have seven children when I'm older.
When I'm the president of this country, everyone will get a raise.
I want to visit the Statue of Liberty when I go to New York.

Word of The Day

"Have your cake and eat it, too!"

Function: idom

Meanings:

to have or enjoy the good parts of something without having or dealing with the bad parts.

e.g. - They seem to think they can have their cake and eat it too by having excellent schools for their son without paying high taxes.

Video Clip of the Day

Hamlet's First Soliloquy - From Hamlet - by William Shakespeare (1564-1616) Performed by Sir Laurence Olivier in the 1948 film:

O, that this too too solid flesh would melt
Thaw and resolve itself into a dew!
Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd
His canon 'gainst self-slaughter! O God! God!
How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable,
Seem to me all the uses of this world!
Fie on't! ah fie! 'tis an unweeded garden,
That grows to seed; things rank and gross in nature
Possess it merely. That it should come to this!
But two months dead: nay, not so much, not two:
So excellent a king; that was, to this,
Hyperion to a satyr; so loving to my mother
That he might not beteem the winds of heaven
Visit her face too roughly. Heaven and earth!
Must I remember? why, she would hang on him,
As if increase of appetite had grown
By what it fed on: and yet, within a month —
Let me not think on't — Frailty, thy name is woman! —
A little month, or ere those shoes were old
With which she follow'd my poor father's body,
Like Niobe, all tears: — why she, even she —
O, God! a beast, that wants discourse of reason,
Would have mourn'd longer — married with my uncle,
My father's brother, but no more like my father
Than I to Hercules: within a month:
Ere yet the salt of most unrighteous tears
Had left the flushing in her galled eyes,
She married. O, most wicked speed, to post
With such dexterity to incestuous sheets!
It is not nor it cannot come to good:
But break, my heart; for I must hold my tongue.

Harry & Bess

We will never see this again

Thought you'd enjoy this one! This one you want your Children and Grandchildren to read. They won’t believe this happened, but it DID.

This seems unreal.....

Harry Truman was a different kind of President. He probably made as many, or more important decisions regarding our nation's history as any of the other 42 Presidents preceding him. However, a measure of his greatness may rest on what he did after he left the White House.

The only asset he had when he died was the house he lived in, which was in Independence Missouri . His wife had inherited the house from her mother and father and other than their years in the White House, they lived their entire lives there.

When he retired from office in 1952, his income was a U.S. Army pension reported to have been $13,507.72 a year. Congress, noting that he was paying for his stamps and personally licking them, granted him an 'allowance' and, later, a retroactive pension of $25,000 per year.

After President Eisenhower was inaugurated, Harry and Bess drove home to Missouri by themselves. There was no Secret Service following them.

When offered corporate positions at large salaries, he declined, stating, "You don 't want me. You want the office of the President, and that doesn't belong to me. It belongs to the American people and it's not for sale.."

Even later, on May 6, 1971, when Congress was preparing to award him the Medal of Honor on his 87th birthday, he refused to accept it, writing, "I don 't consider that I have done anything which should be the reason for any award, Congressional or otherwise."

As president he paid for all of his own travel expenses and food.

Modern politicians have found a new level of success in cashing in on the Presidency, resulting in untold wealth. Today, many in Congress also have found a way to become quite wealthy while enjoying the fruits of their offices. Political offices are now for sale. (sic. Illinois )

Good old Harry Truman was correct when he observed, "My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!

I say dig him up and clone him!!

This is not sent for discussion.

If you agree, forward it.. If you don 't, delete it. I don 't want to know one way or the other. By me forwarding it, you know how I feel.

Enjoy life now it has an expiration date!

Excerpt from Robert L. Dimmick' Blog

Famous Last Words

"You be good. See you tomorrow. I love you."
Alex, African Grey Parrot used in comparative psychology research at Brandeis University. Doctor Irene Pepperberg, his handler, found him dead the next morning.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

1000 Steps To Heaven

On day a redhead , a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven.

God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven.

So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.

The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.

But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke.

God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet"?

- The blonde said "I know I just now got the first one!!!"

Drunk Snake

A man went fishing one day.

He looked over the side of his boat and saw a snake with a frog in its mouth.

Feeling sorry for the frog, he reached down, gently took the frog from the snake, and set the frog free.

But then he felt sorry for the snake. He looked around the boat, but he had no food.

All he had was a bottle of bourbon. So he opened the bottle and gave the snake a few shots.

The snake went off happy, the frog was happy, and the man was happy to have performed such good deeds.

He thought everything was great until about ten minutes passed and he heard something knock against the side of the boat.

With stunned disbelief, the fisherman looked down and saw the snake was back with two frogs!

At The Shrink

Patient: - Doc, I had the worst dream of my life last night. I dreamed I was with twelve of the most beautiful chorus girls in the world. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, all dancing in a row...on the stage…

Psychiatrist: - Hold it! That doesn't sound so terrible.

Patient: - I was the third girl from the left…!

GFN INFORMATION

The red bumps on a turkey's head are called CARUNCLES

Tip of the Day

THE WORD “SICK”

If you feel sick, you feel physically or mentally ill; not healthy or well.
To feel sick - to feel unwell or ill.
I went home early from work because I felt sick.
To get sick - to throw up; to vomit
I got sick on the plane because of the turbulence.
To call in sick - to tell your employer that you're not coming to work because you don't feel well.
Betty called in sick three days last week. She had the flu.
I was as sick as a dog. I was in bed with a fever of 42 degrees.
To be as sick as a dog - to be very, very sick.

RULES OF THUMB

EVER NOTICE ?

Did you ever notice that “i” when followed by the same 2 consonants sounds exactly like the “i” in Portuguese ?

Crippled Miffy Dinner
Permitted Inner Willing
Equipped Miss Written
Flipper Dizzy Bitter
Skimmed Cirrus Skinny

Word of The Day

ON THE SAME PAGE

Function: idiom

Status: chiefly US, informal

Meaning: Agreeing about something (such as how things should be done)

e:g: Try to get employees and clients on the same page. Make sure everyone on the team is on the same page before you give your final answer.

Video Clip of the Day

Hans Rosling, is a Swedish medical doctor, academic, statistician and public speaker. He is a Professor of International Health at Karolinska Institute and co-founder and chairman of the Gapminder Foundation, which developed the Trendalyzer software system.

In the video below Dr. Hans Rosling shows the history of the development of the planet over the past two centuries, making statistics on interactive graphical animation. "The Joy of Stats" is a BBC Program. Click and watch it.

http://youtu.be/jbkSRLYSojo

This present video clip was provided by our friend Ana Arnaud. HC

GFN INFORMATION

"No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times if it is being folded in half for each of the 7 folds!"

RULES OF THUMB

Fun and Funny

If you have problems with the words "fun" and "funny," look at these two sentences and see if you can feel the difference:

1. George is so funny. Every time I talk to him he makes me laugh.
2. I really enjoy going to the beach. It's so fun!

Both words here are adjectives. We use "fun" to say that something is enjoyable; we like doing it. We use "funny" to talk about things that make us laugh. Here are some more examples:

Funny

-Larry's joke about the Portuguese student was so funny I almost died laughing.
-Chaplin’s movies are always funny. Everyone in the theater ends up laughing.
-Mary is really funny. She has a great sense of humor, and always makes people laugh.

Fun

-My vacation in Rio was so fun! I went to Copacabana beach and to the Sugar Loaf.
-Jane's a really fun girl. It's always an adventure going out with her.
-Thank you for inviting me to your birthday party. It was really fun.
-I don't like going windsurfing. I think going to the movies is much more fun.

Famous last words

"Yes, but not too many". Gerrit Achterberg, Dutch poet who had just parked his car, when his wife asked: "Shall I bake some potatoes?" After answering the question he suffered a fatal heart attack.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

Back your Bags

A guy gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and says,

- "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The wife says,

- "Wow! That's great! I'm so happy!! Should I pack for the ocean, or should I pack for the mountains?"

He says,

- "I don't care. Just get out."


Great Forest Fire

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.

The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted,

- "Let's go!"

The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.

- "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "And make several low-level passes."

- "Why?" asked the nervous pilot.
- "Because I'm going to take pictures!. I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" yelled the photographer

The pilot replied,

- "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"

What's Up, Doc?
A woman went to the Community Hospital. After about 15 minutes with one of the new doctors, she went screaming down the hall. Another doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was and she explained. The second doctor went back to the first and said,

- "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old. She has four grown children and seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor simply smiled and said,

- "I cured her hiccups didn't I” ?

Quotations

"Beware of the young doctor and the old barber".
Benjamin Franklin. US author, diplomat, inventor, physicist, politician, & printer (1706 - 1790)

Tip of the Day

The Three Rs

Three Rs (pronounced three ars), can refer to:

The three Rs, is a widely-used abbreviation for the basic elements of a primary school curriculum: reading, ’riting (writing), and ’rithmetic (arithmetic).

Franklin Delano Roosevelt proposed a plan to bring about the recovery of the United States from the effects of the Great Depression: Relief, Recovery, and Reform

Word of The Day

A Hard/Tough Nut to Crack

Function: idiom

Meaning:
A person or thing that is difficult to deal with, understand, or influence.

e.g.: The team's defense is a tough nut to crack. The problem is a hard nut to crack. He's a tough nut, but I think I can get him to agree to the contract.

Clip of the Day

The incredible Alberta Hunter

GFN - INFORMATION

"Fingernails have a life span of three to six months. That's how long it takes them to grow from base to tip, progressing at the pace of 1.5 inches a year, or 0.000000047 inches a second."

Famous Quotations

“It’s no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another.” George W. Bush, former US President

April Fool's Day

April 1st

In sixteenth-century France, the start of the New Year was observed on April first. It was celebrated in much the same way as it is today with parties and dancing into the late hours of the night. Then in 1562, Pope Gregory introduced a new calendar for the Christian world, and the New Year fell on January first.
There were some people, however, who hadn't heard or didn't believe the change in the date, so they continued to celebrate New Year's Day on April first. Others played tricks on them and called them "April fools." They sent them on a "fool's errand" or tried to make them believe that something false was true. In France today, April first is called "Poisson d'Avril." French children fool their friends by taping a paper fish to their friends' backs. When the "young fool" discovers this trick, the prankster yells "Poisson d’Avril!" (April Fish!)

Today Americans play small tricks on friends and strangers alike on the first of April. One common trick on April Fool's Day, or All Fool's Day, is pointing down to a friend's shoe and saying, "Your shoelace is untied." Teachers in the nineteenth century used to say to pupils, "Look! A flock of geese!" and point up. School children might tell a classmate that school has been canceled. Whatever the trick, if the innocent victim falls for the joke the prankster yells, "April Fool!”

The "fools' errands" we play on people are practical jokes. Putting salt in the sugar bowl for the next person is not a nice trick to play on a stranger. College students set their clocks an hour behind, so their roommates show up to the wrong class - or not at all. Some practical jokes are kept up the whole day before the victim realizes what day it is.

Most April Fool jokes are in good fun and not meant to harm anyone. The most clever April Fool joke is the one where everyone laughs, especially the person upon whom the joke is played.

Famous last words

"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him". John Barrymore. 1882-1942. Acclaimed American actor.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

Question asked in exam

How to Kill an Ant?

Student:- Mix a Chilli Powder with Sugar and keep it outside the ant’s hole. After eating the sugar coated chilli power, ant will go in search of Water. When ant go for water, push ant into it…! After getting wet, ant will go near fire to dry itself.. When it reaches near fire, throw a bomb into the fire and admit the wounded ant into ICU. When ant is in ICU, remove the Oxygen mask from its mouth and kill the ant.

Secret To Happy Married Life

- Husband: “When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger”

- Wife: “I’ll clean the toliet bowl.”

- Husband:”How does that help?”

- Wife:”I use your tooth brush.”

True Love

A man is sitting at home on the veranda having drinks with his wife and he says,

- “I love you.”

She asks,

- “Is that you or the beer talking?”

He replies,

- “It’s me….. talking to the beer.”

TIPS OF THE DAY

If you believe that i.e. and e.g. mean the same thing, you're wrong!



E.g. (from latin - exemplia gratia) means "for example," and i.e. means roughly "in other words." You use “e.g.” to provide a list of incomplete examples, and you use “i.e.” to provide a complete clarifying list or statement.

That's it!

Bizarre

Three decades without sleeping

Sixty-four-year-old Thai Ngoc, known as Hai Ngoc, said he could not sleep at night after getting a fever in 1973, and has counted infinite numbers of sheep during more than 11,700 consecutive sleepless nights. "I don't know whether the insomnia has impacted my health or not. But I'm still healthy and can farm normally like others," Ngoc said. Proving his health, the elderly resident of Que Trung commune, Que Son district said he can carry two 50kg bags of fertilizer down 4km of road to return home every day.

Word of the Day

Trigger

Function: verb (with object)

Inflected forms:
triggers, triggered, triggering

Meanings:
1 a : to cause (something, such as an alarm) to start functioning
eg: Smoke triggered the fire alarm.

1 b : to cause (a bomb) to explode
eg: The timer was set to trigger the bomb in exactly one hour.

2 : to cause (something) to start or happen
eg: His remarks triggered a public outcry.
Certain foods seem to trigger his headaches.
The power outage was triggered by the heavy rains.

Clip of the Day

Weekend in Rio

The U.S. president, Barack Obama said this Sunday (20) in his speech to the Brazilian people, that the U.S. and Brazil should not be partners "senior" and "junior" but "equal partners".

The statement was made at the Teatro Municipal of Rio de Janeiro.

Obama began speaking in an informal atmosphere, venturing to say "Obrigado (thank you), Hi, Rio de Janeiro, Hello, Cidade Maravilhosa (Marvelous city)! and Boa tarde todo povo brasileiro (Good afternoon, all the Brazilian people)!" in Portuguese, with a tiny accent. A real magic spell. HC

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. Albert Einstein, German physicist.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

A Strange Man
A man walked into a psychiatrist’s office with a fried egg on the top of his head and a strip of bacon over each ear. The psychiatrist decided to proceed with a normal greeting. There was no point getting the fellow upset.

- “What can I do for you?” the psychiatrist asked. The man smiled pleasantly.

- “Doc”, he answered, “I’m worried about my brother”.

Traffic Camera
A man was driving through town, when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding.

Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed.

He tried a fourth time with the same result.

He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail’s pace.

Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

Lost in Translation
The Smith family was very proud that their ancestors had come over on the Mayflower, so they hired best-selling author Frank McCourt to look up and write a book about their family history.

Horror of horrors! They discovered that great uncle Fess had died in the electric chair for committing a murder. They were devastated.

They didn’t want that in the book, but they didn’t want to leave him out either.

McCourt said, “Leave it to me.”

When the book came out, the section about Uncle Fess read like this:

- “He was a man who occupied a great seat. He was attached to his position very firmly. His death came as a great shock.”

Girls Are So Demanding
A 10-year-old girl was walking down the street when a big man on a big-old motorcycle pulls up beside her and says...

- “Hey little girl, do you want to go for a ride?”

- “NO!” says the little girl as she keeps on walking.

The motorcyclist pulls up beside her again and says,

- “Hey kid, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back.”

- “NO!” said the little girl and proceeded down the street a little quicker.

The motorcyclist pulls up to the little girl again and says...

- “Okay kid, I will give you $20 and a BIG bag of candy if you hop on the back of my bike for a ride.”

At this point the little girl turns to him and screams angrily,

- “Look Dad, YOU bought a Honda instead of a Harley, so, YOU ride it!”

Omission

The Samba School, União da Ilha, during this year's carnaval in Rio de Janeiro, when honoring Charles Darwin, did not mention his words (The Voyage of the Beagle) transcribed below:

"I must here commemorate what happened for the first time during our nearly five years' wandering, namely, having met with a want of politeness. I was refused in a sullen manner at two different houses, and obtained with difficulty from a third, permission to pass through their gardens to an uncultivated hill, for the purpose of viewing the country. I feel glad that this happened in the land of the Brazilians, for I bear them no good will. On the 19th of August we finally left the shores of Brazil. I thank God, I shall never again visit a slave-country."

This present article was supplied by Osnaldo Araujo, a good old friend of mine.

Bizarre

Brosnan: Bedding Halle Was a Letdown

World Entertainment News Network

Irish actor PIERCE BROSNAN had the opportunity to live every man's fantasy by bedding HALLE BERRY - but he hated it.

Brosnan, who is set to wrap filming on the latest JAMES BOND flick DIE ANOTHER DAY, admits that the opportunity to film a love scene with the stunning OSCAR winner wasn't as great as most men would envision it to be.

The screen star, who is happily married to beautiful brunette KEELY SHAYE SMITH, says that the idea of stripping down with Halle was highly appealing - until it was put to practice.

He says, "They're in both of your knickers, you're trying not to show breasts and nipples and stuff - all the loveliness of life. It's mad, absolutely mad!

"These love scenes always sound so seductive and lovely and here you are with this beautiful woman, rolling around in the sack, so to speak, and then you have this director under sheets with you, trying to get the shot. If that's not enough, there's also cameras on either side of you."

Famous last words

John Adams

"Oh, yes; today is the glorious Fourth of July. It is a great day. It is a good day. God bless it. God bless you all. [He then lapsed into unconsciousness. He awakened later, and mumbled] Thomas Jefferson…"

John Adams who died on July 4, 1826. He is often quoted as having said "Thomas Jefferson still survives." with some depictions indicating he might have not expressed the entire statement before dying, i.e.: "Thomas Jefferson… still survi—", but some research indicates that only the words "Thomas Jefferson" were clearly intelligible among his last. Adams did not know that Jefferson, his great political rival—and later friend and correspondent—had died a few hours earlier that same 4th of July, 1826, exactly fifty years after the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

Odd News

McDonald’s toilet breaks, woman sues

A woman filed a negligence suit Tuesday claiming she was injured when a toilet broke in a bathroom stall of a South Side McDonald’s restaurant.

Cherry Hardie claims that on March 12, 2010, she was seated on a toilet in a McDonald’s restaurant, 7601 S. Vincennes Ave., according to a lawsuit filed in Cook County Court.

The suit claims that seat fell off the toilet while she was seated and she reached for the bathroom wall to try to catch herself while she was falling. She suffered a severe injury to her left arm and shoulder, which came into contact with the bathroom wall.

The suit claims that Phideb Management Services, the owner of the McDonald’s restaurant, carelessly and negligently failed to manage and inspect the restrooms to determine dangerous conditions.

Phideb also failed to place railings or barricades around the perimeter of the bathroom stall with the broken toilet seat because Phideb should have known that the toilet seat would cause injury, according to the suit.

Hardie claims that she was injured, suffered a severe shock to her nervous system and became disabled.

The one-count negligence suit seeks more than $30,000 in damages.