1000 Steps To Heaven
On day a redhead , a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven.
God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven.
So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.
The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.
But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke.
God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet"?
- The blonde said "I know I just now got the first one!!!"
Drunk Snake
A man went fishing one day.
He looked over the side of his boat and saw a snake with a frog in its mouth.
Feeling sorry for the frog, he reached down, gently took the frog from the snake, and set the frog free.
But then he felt sorry for the snake. He looked around the boat, but he had no food.
All he had was a bottle of bourbon. So he opened the bottle and gave the snake a few shots.
The snake went off happy, the frog was happy, and the man was happy to have performed such good deeds.
He thought everything was great until about ten minutes passed and he heard something knock against the side of the boat.
With stunned disbelief, the fisherman looked down and saw the snake was back with two frogs!
At The Shrink
Patient: - Doc, I had the worst dream of my life last night. I dreamed I was with twelve of the most beautiful chorus girls in the world. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, all dancing in a row...on the stage…
Psychiatrist: - Hold it! That doesn't sound so terrible.
Patient: - I was the third girl from the left…!
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