THE CHAUFFEUR

(To be read with your best British accent)

Mrs. Winterly was a very rich woman. Her husband was a multi-millionaire. She was quite young and he was quite old. She was twenty-eight and he was fifty-eight. They lived in a very large house in England. Mrs. Winterly never cooked or cleaned the house. She never worked and she never drove a car. When she wanted to go anywhere she would call Charles. Charles was her chauffeur. Mr. Winterly travelled a lot. He flew to many countries to do business. Mrs Winterly did not like to fly so she often stayed at home. Once Mr. Winterly went to America for a week. Mrs. Winterly decided to go shopping so she walked to the garage to find Charles. She found him in his room above the garage. Mrs Winterly looked at him and said in a whisper,

- “Charles, take off my hat”
- “Certainly, madam,” Charles replied.
Then he took off Mrs. Winterly’s hat.

- “Charles, take off my coat.”
- “Certainly, madam,” Charles replied.
Then he took off Mrs. Winterly’s coat.

- “Charles, take off my shoes.”
- “Certainly, madam,” Charles replied.
Then he took off Mrs. Winterly’s shoes.

- “Charles, take off my dress.”
- “Certainly, madam,” Charles replied.
Then he took off Mrs. Winterly’s dress.

Then, Mrs. Winterly looked deep into the eyes of the chauffeur and said,

- …“AND DON’T YOU DARE TO WEAR MY CLOTHES AGAIN!”…

(extracted from Lessons With Laughter – London 1996)