Happy Holidays

Think it over...!

Diamonds are for farting!

A Lady walks into Tiffany's... She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts...

Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticedd her little woops and prays that a salesperson was not anywhere near...

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her...

Good looking as well... cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Tiffany's

He polite greets the lady with,

- "good day, madam... how may we help  you today"?

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little "incident", she asks,

- "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"
 
He answers,

- " Madam... if you farted  just looking at it - you're going to shit when I tell you the price.

Camping

An illiterate father with his educated son went on a camping trip, they set up their tent and feel asleep.
Some hour later, father wakes his son and asks:
- "Look up to the sky and tell me what do you see?
- Son: I see Millions of stars...
- Father: What does that tell you?
- Son: Astronomically it tells there are millions of galaxies and planets up there...
- Father: Slaps the son hard and says, "Idiot, someone has stolen our tent!"

TIPS OF THE DAY – PREPOSITIONS

ACROSS - Indica movimento ou extensão por cima de um objeto, de um lado para outro. – Através de.

                        e.g.: -   He lives across the street.

                                   She swam across the river.

AFTER - Depois de, após, atrás de, em busca ou no encalço de, à maneira de, abaixo de (graduação),

     e.g.: -   After a storm comes a calm.

                                   The letter arrived the day after.

                                   Peter went after his brothers.

                                   The policeman ran after the crook.

                                   A painting after Rembrandt.

                                   A captain comes after a major.

AGAINST - Contra, em contato com, para, (em previsão de).

                        e.g.: - Let’s all fight against tyranny.

                                 The public opinion was against Bill Clinton.

                                 She was leaning against the wall.

                                 We must save against bad days in the future.

Video Clip of the Day

   Remember to wear a bicycle helmet.

Differences

 Obama x Brown

Four More Years

Quotation of the Day

Why Do Couples Fight ?

 When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So, I took her to a petrol pump And then the fight started.

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation."Somewhere I've not been in a long time." So I took her to the kitchen. Then the fight started.

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started.

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a weighing scale. And then the fight started.

Tell me about it!

A lovely short story

After losing his parents, this 3 year old orangutan was so depressed he wouldn't eat and didn't respond to any medical treatments. The veterinarians thought he would surely die from sadness.

The zoo keepers found an old sick dog on the grounds in the park at the zoo where the orangutan lived and took the dog to the animal treatment center.

The dog arrived at the same time the orangutan was there being treated. The 2 lost souls met and have been inseparable ever since. The orangutan found a new reason to live and each day always tries his best to be a good companion to his new found friend. They are together 24 hours a day in all their activities.
                      
They live in  Northern California where swimming is their favorite past time, although Roscoe (the orangutan) is a little afraid of the water and needs his friend's help to swim.  Together they have discovered the joy and laughter in life and the value of friendship. They have found more than a friendly shoulder to lean on.

Teaching Tips & Ideas

SEVERE LINGUISTICS DIFFICULTIES – TH – Sounds – Silent Letters


Many students use to substitute an “S sound”, a “D sound” or a “Z sound” for the TH sound. Though there are all kinds of exercises for the TH sounds, here’s my favorite. “Three –Thousand –Three – Hundred –Thirty –Three -Trees”. If every student can say this sentence correctly, we feel that they have more or less mastered TH sounds and are able to go to other subjects.


Another common error is the pronunciation of silent letters: The L in Walk, Talk, Chalk, the T in Listen, and Castle, the B in Climb and Lamb are frequent but the silent letter which is most usually pronounced is the W in the word ANSWER. Here’s what I believe to be the cure for that sort of error. The drill is a conversation between two people and it should be read first by the teacher then by the class - divided into two groups - then, by two students then by individuals. If repeated a great many times it will sound kind of stupid but on the other hand it is quite presumable that the “W sound” will be gone forever. H.C.


Here’s The Drill:


A – Will you come to the movies, Sir? What is your answer, Sir?
B – Yes, I will come to the movies, Sir! That’s my answer, Sir!
A – There’s “Singin’ in the Rain” on screen and, Sir!
B – Sandwiches and Popcorn and ice cold Coke, Sir ? Yes, I will come
to the movies, Sir!
A – Is this your final answer, Sir?
B - Yes, this is my answer, Sir! My very final answer, Sir!

Laughter's the best Medicine

Quote of the Day

Personally, I know nothing about sex because I've always been married. Zsa Zsa Gabor

That's very true!

A nice ride with interesting anagrams…

PRESBYTERIAN: BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER: MOON STARER

DESPERATION: A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES: THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH: HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE: HERE COME DOTS


DORMITORY: DIRTY ROOM

SLOT MACHINES: CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY: IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS: LIES – LET’S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS: ALAS ! NO MORE Z’S

A DECIMAL POINT: I’M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES: THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO: TWELVE PLUS ONE

MOTHER-IN-LAW: WOMAN HITLER

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16.  The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17.  A backward poet writes inverse.

18.  In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine .

21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

23.  Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24.  Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says,'Are you sure?'  The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25.  Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26.  There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Ten Wise Questions

I've found these questions interesting among friends. It's amazing what the simple answers to these questions reveal about a person's thoughts, feelings and beliefs. These 10 questions originally came from a French TV series, "Bouillon de Culture" hosted by Bernard Pivot. It is probably more familiar to many as the questions James Lipton (photo) asks at the end of the American TV series "Inside the Actor's Studio." Try to exercise them with your students and friends. H.C.

01. What is your favorite word?

02. What is your least favorite word?

03. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

04. What turns you off?

05. What is your favorite curse word?

06. What sound or noise do you love?

07. What sound or noise do you hate?

08. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

09. What profession would you not like to participate?

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?