GFN INFORMATION

"No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times if it is being folded in half for each of the 7 folds!"

RULES OF THUMB

Fun and Funny

If you have problems with the words "fun" and "funny," look at these two sentences and see if you can feel the difference:

1. George is so funny. Every time I talk to him he makes me laugh.
2. I really enjoy going to the beach. It's so fun!

Both words here are adjectives. We use "fun" to say that something is enjoyable; we like doing it. We use "funny" to talk about things that make us laugh. Here are some more examples:

Funny

-Larry's joke about the Portuguese student was so funny I almost died laughing.
-Chaplin’s movies are always funny. Everyone in the theater ends up laughing.
-Mary is really funny. She has a great sense of humor, and always makes people laugh.

Fun

-My vacation in Rio was so fun! I went to Copacabana beach and to the Sugar Loaf.
-Jane's a really fun girl. It's always an adventure going out with her.
-Thank you for inviting me to your birthday party. It was really fun.
-I don't like going windsurfing. I think going to the movies is much more fun.

Famous last words

"Yes, but not too many". Gerrit Achterberg, Dutch poet who had just parked his car, when his wife asked: "Shall I bake some potatoes?" After answering the question he suffered a fatal heart attack.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

Back your Bags

A guy gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and says,

- "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The wife says,

- "Wow! That's great! I'm so happy!! Should I pack for the ocean, or should I pack for the mountains?"

He says,

- "I don't care. Just get out."


Great Forest Fire

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.

The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted,

- "Let's go!"

The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.

- "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "And make several low-level passes."

- "Why?" asked the nervous pilot.
- "Because I'm going to take pictures!. I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" yelled the photographer

The pilot replied,

- "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"

What's Up, Doc?
A woman went to the Community Hospital. After about 15 minutes with one of the new doctors, she went screaming down the hall. Another doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was and she explained. The second doctor went back to the first and said,

- "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old. She has four grown children and seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor simply smiled and said,

- "I cured her hiccups didn't I” ?

Quotations

"Beware of the young doctor and the old barber".
Benjamin Franklin. US author, diplomat, inventor, physicist, politician, & printer (1706 - 1790)

Tip of the Day

The Three Rs

Three Rs (pronounced three ars), can refer to:

The three Rs, is a widely-used abbreviation for the basic elements of a primary school curriculum: reading, ’riting (writing), and ’rithmetic (arithmetic).

Franklin Delano Roosevelt proposed a plan to bring about the recovery of the United States from the effects of the Great Depression: Relief, Recovery, and Reform

Word of The Day

A Hard/Tough Nut to Crack

Function: idiom

Meaning:
A person or thing that is difficult to deal with, understand, or influence.

e.g.: The team's defense is a tough nut to crack. The problem is a hard nut to crack. He's a tough nut, but I think I can get him to agree to the contract.

Clip of the Day

The incredible Alberta Hunter

GFN - INFORMATION

"Fingernails have a life span of three to six months. That's how long it takes them to grow from base to tip, progressing at the pace of 1.5 inches a year, or 0.000000047 inches a second."

Famous Quotations

“It’s no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another.” George W. Bush, former US President

April Fool's Day

April 1st

In sixteenth-century France, the start of the New Year was observed on April first. It was celebrated in much the same way as it is today with parties and dancing into the late hours of the night. Then in 1562, Pope Gregory introduced a new calendar for the Christian world, and the New Year fell on January first.
There were some people, however, who hadn't heard or didn't believe the change in the date, so they continued to celebrate New Year's Day on April first. Others played tricks on them and called them "April fools." They sent them on a "fool's errand" or tried to make them believe that something false was true. In France today, April first is called "Poisson d'Avril." French children fool their friends by taping a paper fish to their friends' backs. When the "young fool" discovers this trick, the prankster yells "Poisson d’Avril!" (April Fish!)

Today Americans play small tricks on friends and strangers alike on the first of April. One common trick on April Fool's Day, or All Fool's Day, is pointing down to a friend's shoe and saying, "Your shoelace is untied." Teachers in the nineteenth century used to say to pupils, "Look! A flock of geese!" and point up. School children might tell a classmate that school has been canceled. Whatever the trick, if the innocent victim falls for the joke the prankster yells, "April Fool!”

The "fools' errands" we play on people are practical jokes. Putting salt in the sugar bowl for the next person is not a nice trick to play on a stranger. College students set their clocks an hour behind, so their roommates show up to the wrong class - or not at all. Some practical jokes are kept up the whole day before the victim realizes what day it is.

Most April Fool jokes are in good fun and not meant to harm anyone. The most clever April Fool joke is the one where everyone laughs, especially the person upon whom the joke is played.

Famous last words

"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him". John Barrymore. 1882-1942. Acclaimed American actor.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

Question asked in exam

How to Kill an Ant?

Student:- Mix a Chilli Powder with Sugar and keep it outside the ant’s hole. After eating the sugar coated chilli power, ant will go in search of Water. When ant go for water, push ant into it…! After getting wet, ant will go near fire to dry itself.. When it reaches near fire, throw a bomb into the fire and admit the wounded ant into ICU. When ant is in ICU, remove the Oxygen mask from its mouth and kill the ant.

Secret To Happy Married Life

- Husband: “When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger”

- Wife: “I’ll clean the toliet bowl.”

- Husband:”How does that help?”

- Wife:”I use your tooth brush.”

True Love

A man is sitting at home on the veranda having drinks with his wife and he says,

- “I love you.”

She asks,

- “Is that you or the beer talking?”

He replies,

- “It’s me….. talking to the beer.”

TIPS OF THE DAY

If you believe that i.e. and e.g. mean the same thing, you're wrong!



E.g. (from latin - exemplia gratia) means "for example," and i.e. means roughly "in other words." You use “e.g.” to provide a list of incomplete examples, and you use “i.e.” to provide a complete clarifying list or statement.

That's it!

Bizarre

Three decades without sleeping

Sixty-four-year-old Thai Ngoc, known as Hai Ngoc, said he could not sleep at night after getting a fever in 1973, and has counted infinite numbers of sheep during more than 11,700 consecutive sleepless nights. "I don't know whether the insomnia has impacted my health or not. But I'm still healthy and can farm normally like others," Ngoc said. Proving his health, the elderly resident of Que Trung commune, Que Son district said he can carry two 50kg bags of fertilizer down 4km of road to return home every day.

Word of the Day

Trigger

Function: verb (with object)

Inflected forms:
triggers, triggered, triggering

Meanings:
1 a : to cause (something, such as an alarm) to start functioning
eg: Smoke triggered the fire alarm.

1 b : to cause (a bomb) to explode
eg: The timer was set to trigger the bomb in exactly one hour.

2 : to cause (something) to start or happen
eg: His remarks triggered a public outcry.
Certain foods seem to trigger his headaches.
The power outage was triggered by the heavy rains.

Clip of the Day

Weekend in Rio

The U.S. president, Barack Obama said this Sunday (20) in his speech to the Brazilian people, that the U.S. and Brazil should not be partners "senior" and "junior" but "equal partners".

The statement was made at the Teatro Municipal of Rio de Janeiro.

Obama began speaking in an informal atmosphere, venturing to say "Obrigado (thank you), Hi, Rio de Janeiro, Hello, Cidade Maravilhosa (Marvelous city)! and Boa tarde todo povo brasileiro (Good afternoon, all the Brazilian people)!" in Portuguese, with a tiny accent. A real magic spell. HC

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. Albert Einstein, German physicist.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

A Strange Man
A man walked into a psychiatrist’s office with a fried egg on the top of his head and a strip of bacon over each ear. The psychiatrist decided to proceed with a normal greeting. There was no point getting the fellow upset.

- “What can I do for you?” the psychiatrist asked. The man smiled pleasantly.

- “Doc”, he answered, “I’m worried about my brother”.

Traffic Camera
A man was driving through town, when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding.

Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed.

He tried a fourth time with the same result.

He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail’s pace.

Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

Lost in Translation
The Smith family was very proud that their ancestors had come over on the Mayflower, so they hired best-selling author Frank McCourt to look up and write a book about their family history.

Horror of horrors! They discovered that great uncle Fess had died in the electric chair for committing a murder. They were devastated.

They didn’t want that in the book, but they didn’t want to leave him out either.

McCourt said, “Leave it to me.”

When the book came out, the section about Uncle Fess read like this:

- “He was a man who occupied a great seat. He was attached to his position very firmly. His death came as a great shock.”

Girls Are So Demanding
A 10-year-old girl was walking down the street when a big man on a big-old motorcycle pulls up beside her and says...

- “Hey little girl, do you want to go for a ride?”

- “NO!” says the little girl as she keeps on walking.

The motorcyclist pulls up beside her again and says,

- “Hey kid, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back.”

- “NO!” said the little girl and proceeded down the street a little quicker.

The motorcyclist pulls up to the little girl again and says...

- “Okay kid, I will give you $20 and a BIG bag of candy if you hop on the back of my bike for a ride.”

At this point the little girl turns to him and screams angrily,

- “Look Dad, YOU bought a Honda instead of a Harley, so, YOU ride it!”

Omission

The Samba School, União da Ilha, during this year's carnaval in Rio de Janeiro, when honoring Charles Darwin, did not mention his words (The Voyage of the Beagle) transcribed below:

"I must here commemorate what happened for the first time during our nearly five years' wandering, namely, having met with a want of politeness. I was refused in a sullen manner at two different houses, and obtained with difficulty from a third, permission to pass through their gardens to an uncultivated hill, for the purpose of viewing the country. I feel glad that this happened in the land of the Brazilians, for I bear them no good will. On the 19th of August we finally left the shores of Brazil. I thank God, I shall never again visit a slave-country."

This present article was supplied by Osnaldo Araujo, a good old friend of mine.

Bizarre

Brosnan: Bedding Halle Was a Letdown

World Entertainment News Network

Irish actor PIERCE BROSNAN had the opportunity to live every man's fantasy by bedding HALLE BERRY - but he hated it.

Brosnan, who is set to wrap filming on the latest JAMES BOND flick DIE ANOTHER DAY, admits that the opportunity to film a love scene with the stunning OSCAR winner wasn't as great as most men would envision it to be.

The screen star, who is happily married to beautiful brunette KEELY SHAYE SMITH, says that the idea of stripping down with Halle was highly appealing - until it was put to practice.

He says, "They're in both of your knickers, you're trying not to show breasts and nipples and stuff - all the loveliness of life. It's mad, absolutely mad!

"These love scenes always sound so seductive and lovely and here you are with this beautiful woman, rolling around in the sack, so to speak, and then you have this director under sheets with you, trying to get the shot. If that's not enough, there's also cameras on either side of you."

Famous last words

John Adams

"Oh, yes; today is the glorious Fourth of July. It is a great day. It is a good day. God bless it. God bless you all. [He then lapsed into unconsciousness. He awakened later, and mumbled] Thomas Jefferson…"

John Adams who died on July 4, 1826. He is often quoted as having said "Thomas Jefferson still survives." with some depictions indicating he might have not expressed the entire statement before dying, i.e.: "Thomas Jefferson… still survi—", but some research indicates that only the words "Thomas Jefferson" were clearly intelligible among his last. Adams did not know that Jefferson, his great political rival—and later friend and correspondent—had died a few hours earlier that same 4th of July, 1826, exactly fifty years after the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

Odd News

McDonald’s toilet breaks, woman sues

A woman filed a negligence suit Tuesday claiming she was injured when a toilet broke in a bathroom stall of a South Side McDonald’s restaurant.

Cherry Hardie claims that on March 12, 2010, she was seated on a toilet in a McDonald’s restaurant, 7601 S. Vincennes Ave., according to a lawsuit filed in Cook County Court.

The suit claims that seat fell off the toilet while she was seated and she reached for the bathroom wall to try to catch herself while she was falling. She suffered a severe injury to her left arm and shoulder, which came into contact with the bathroom wall.

The suit claims that Phideb Management Services, the owner of the McDonald’s restaurant, carelessly and negligently failed to manage and inspect the restrooms to determine dangerous conditions.

Phideb also failed to place railings or barricades around the perimeter of the bathroom stall with the broken toilet seat because Phideb should have known that the toilet seat would cause injury, according to the suit.

Hardie claims that she was injured, suffered a severe shock to her nervous system and became disabled.

The one-count negligence suit seeks more than $30,000 in damages.

Best Scenes from Classic Movies.

"Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" is a 1969 American Western film directed by George Roy Hill and screenplay by William Goldman. Based loosely on fact, the film tells the story of Wild West outlaws Butch Cassidy, Paul Newman and his partner, the "Sundance Kid" Robert Redfor. The film won four Academy Awards: Best Cinematography; Original Score for a Motion Picture, Best Music, Song ("Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head"- Burt Bacharat); and Best Story and Screenplay Based on Material Not Previously Published or Produced.
The movie also won numerous British Academy Film Awards, including Best Film, Best Direction, Best Screenplay, Best Cinematography, Best Actor (Redford though), and Best Actress for Katharine Ross. In 2003, the film was selected for preservation in the United States National Film Registry by the Library of Congress as being "culturally, historically and aesthetically significant". This specific scene occurs when the two outlaws flee to Bolivia and they have to jump into the gorge but The Sundance Kid (Redford) can't swim. See the clip. HC

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

Life Saver Pig
A homeless man stops at a farmhouse to beg to spend the night. The farmer answers the door and says, “Sure, we can put you up.”

The vagrant washes up for dinner and meets the family downstairs. Sitting at the dinner table are the farmer, his wife, their son, and a gigantic pig who is sitting at the table like a human. Throughout the meal the vagrant tries not to stare at the pig, who sports three medals around his neck, as well as a wooden leg.

Finally, he can contain his curiosity no longer. He asks “Would you mind telling me about the bronze medal around your pig’s neck?”

The farmer says “Sure. It’s really an incredible story. Little Timmy here was swimming in the lake when he got a cramp and started to drown. This pig heard his cries for help, busted out of his pen, ran to the lake, and saved our son’s life. So, we gave him the medal.”

The vagrant is amazed and says “Well, how about that silver medal?”

The farmer says “A few months ago our house caught fire in the middle of the night while we were all sleeping. This pig saw the flames, busted out of his pen and ran into the house, waking us up in time. To show our gratitude we gave him that silver medal.”

The homeless man says “While I’m at it, I might as well ask you about the gold medal.”

The farmer says “My wife was attacked by a burglar several weeks ago. This pig heard her cries, busted out of his pen, and chased that man far away. To show my thanks I gave him that gold medal”

The homeless man sits in awe of the pig, who is blithely eating his meal with a knife and fork. He asks “What about the wooden leg?”

The farmer says, matter-of-factly, “Well, you don’t eat a pig like THAT all at once!”


At the confessional
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks,
- Is that you, little Joey Pagano?
- Yes, Father.
- And who was the girl you were with?
- I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation.
- Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now.
- Was it Tina Minetti?
- I cannot say.
- Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?
- I’ll never tell.
- Was it Nina Capelli?
- I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.
- Was it Cathy Piriano?
- My lips are sealed.
- Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?
- Please, Father, I cannot tell you. The priest sighs in frustration.
- You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself. Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers...
- What’d you get?
- Four months vacation and five good leads…


Chicken Little

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.
She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, '… and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'
The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that farmer said?'
One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said:
'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!''
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

"The genius of Einstein leads to Hiroshima." Pablo Picasso

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT

This poster was released in the mid 80s and prompted a total recall of all posters because of the picture painted in ice-cubes at bottom right corner - a woman performing an act. The graphic artist who designed the picture put this in as a joke, and it went through unnoticed until someone spotted it on the back of a Coke truck. The artist lost his job and was sued, and all promotional material had to be recalled and destroyed.

LOVE IS....

Love is… “when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she still says he is “handsomer” than Robert Redford." Chris, age 8

Tip of the Day

ENGLISH IS A CRAZY LANGUAGE

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, now imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim….!

Tell Me Why...

TELL ME WHY … “are there phone bills in a country of free speech

Quiz

Select the word that best completes the sentence

reference - conference - deference - inference

1. I am traveling to São Paulo next month for a class __________.
2. A sign of hard times is that she will need a personal __________ to get the job.
3. Young people of today should treat their elders with __________.
4. She made the __________ that it was snowing by looking at the window.

FAMOUS sentences by famous MOTHERS

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"

CURIOSITY

Mathematical Genius at Large

Louisiana - There is one bandit in Louisiana who had better give up armed robbery until he learns how to count. The man walked into a small store, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.

The total amount of cash he got from the drawer was $15.

Clip of The Day

"Singing in the Rain" is a classic film musical of 1952 with Gene Kelly, Donald O'Connor, Debbie Reynolds, Jean Hagen and a great cast...

"With the advent of sound in motion pictures a silent film production company make a difficult transition to "talkies". Don Lockwood (Gene Kelly) and Lina Lamont (Jean Hagen) are the darlings of the silent screen, it is decided though, to turn Don and Lina's new film into a "talkie" and a musical . This special scene is taken when Don is being drilled by a Diction Coach. Then Cosmo Brown (Donald O'Connor) comes in and... See what happens. HC

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tciT9bmCMq8

A QUOTE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY, (or is it an apple?)

"It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous."

Robert Benchley - American humorist best known for his work as a newspaper columnist and film actor.

GOOD FOR NOTHING

The round fishbowl was invented by Countess Du Barry, mistress of King Louis XV of France

Quiz

Read The Sentence Below:

"FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS."

Now count the F's in that sentence. Count only once, don't go back a 2nd time.
Answer: Somewhere In This Issue.

WORDS OF WISDOM

"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Word of the Day (Doris)

Roadblock

Function: noun (count)

Plural: Roadblocks

Meanings:

A place where police or military officers stop drivers especially in order to examine vehicles. Something that stops progress.

eg: That's the one roadblock to the plan. Roadblocks on the path to success.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

Degrees Of Blonde

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up..

The husband asked, "Who was that?"

The wife answered, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."

The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So, the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, jerk, you're next!"

FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, .. I know 'em all."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy .. it's W."

FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: "Is it mine?"

SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware ."

SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

STUPID QUOTES

"If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure."
Dan Quayle - Former U.S. Vice-President

ANSWER TO THE QUIZ:

A person of average intelligence finds three of them.
If you spotted four, you're above average.
If you got five, you can turn your nose at most anybody.
If you caught six, you are a genius.
There is no catch. Many people forget the "OF"'s.
The human brain tends to see them as V's and not F's.

RULES OF THUMB

SNOWDROP

A snowdrop is a spring flower. It is one of the first flowers to grow in spring. Snowdrops are tiny, white flowers. They look like small bells. They have a lovely smell.

Can you find a description using "look (s) like" in this reading?

"They look like small bells."
This sentence compares the flowers to bells. Maybe you have never seen a snowdrop, but you have seen a bell. Now you know the shape of a snowdrop!

You can use the words "look (s) like" to
compare two things.

e.g. Jane looks like her mother.
e.g. The moon looks like a football.

In countries with four seasons, spring is a happy season.

Read the following dialogue:

Teacher - Why are you so happy, Mary ?

Mary - Spring is my favorite time of year! It brings the end of winter. Snow melts. The sun shines. The air warms. Flowers bloom. I don't want to study. I just want to be in the sun!

Teacher - My goodness! You have "Spring Fever!"

Notes: season: different times of the year based on weather changes.
melt: to become liquid (snow melts and becomes water!)
bloom: to grow flowers:
spring fever: a lazy, happy feeling that comes with warm weather.

Clip of The Day

Jeff Dunham is an American ventriloquist and stand-up comedian who has appeared on numerous television shows, including Late Show with David Letterman. His characters, are all of them politically incorrect, gratuitously insulting and ill tempered. Dunham has been credited with reviving ventriloquism, and doing more to promote the art form than anyone since Edgar Bergen, his idol. Dunham has been called "America's favorite comedian" and according to the concert industry publication Pollstar, he is the top-grossing standup act in North America, and is among the most successful acts in Europe as well. Dunham created his puppets himself. His most famous characters are:

Achmed the Dead Terrorist

Achmed the Terrorist was truly a terror... At least he attempted to be. He tried and failed many times. One fateful day he finally succeeded in detonating the bomb, but unfortunately for him, the only person he managed to kill was himself. Now better known as Achmed the Dead Terrorist, this conflicted, lovable fiend continues to incite terror in the hearts of no one.

Walter

Walter is a retired, grumpy old man with arms always crossed in discontent. He has a brash, negative and often sarcastic view on today's world. He is a Vietnam War veteran and "doesn't give a damn" about anyone, especially his own wife and certain audience members. Enjoy Today's Clip HC.

Old and Holey Shoes

Vladimir Putin in a recent trip to the island of Fidel Castro noted that the vast majority of Cubans wore old shoes and bow-legged.

Horrified he questioned Fidel:

- Comrade Fidel, how can, after 50 years of revolution, having your subjects still wearing the same old and holey shoes?


Fidel very annoyed replied:

- Comrade Putin, in Russia everybody wears new shoes? Tell me about it! I would love to see.

- Very well, said Putin. You go with me on the plane back to Russia, and if you find in there a single person wearing old shoes you are allowed to kill him. You have my permission.

They made a fine voyage back to Russia with some rum, vodka and Cuban cigars and ... upon arrival in Moscow, as Fidel came down from the plane, the very first thing he saw was a man wearing old shoes. He had no doubt, drew his gun and poured a hail of bullets in the unfortunate. The next day The Pravda proclaimed in bold letters.

WACKY BEARDED KILLS THE AMBASSADOR OF CUBA AT THE AIRPORT.

THE VIRTUE CALLED DEVOTION

"One day, a young man saw his father walking down the road lugging a large basket. When he got closer, the young man could see that his old grandfather was in the basket.

- "Where are you taking Grandpa, Father ?" he asked.

- "I'm taking him to the canyon", his father said.

- "He's old and mean and no good for anything now, so I'm going to throw him over the cliff."

- "Okay Father, you go right ahead" the young man said, "but be sure to save the basket. Someday I shall need it for you".

Someday we, too, will be old and feeble. Let us hope that loving families will not forget The Virtue Called Devotion.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

Why?

An Eskimo asked the local missionary,

- "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?"

- "No," said the priest, "not if you did not know."

- "Then why, asked the Eskimo, "did you tell me?"



Proud To Be Guilty

Ross and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Ross didn’t show up. Sam didn’t think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.. But after Ross hadn’t shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn’t know where Ross lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Ross, but one day, Sam approached the park and—lo and behold!—there sat Ross! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, ‘For crying out loud Ross, what in the world happened to you?’ Ross replied, ‘I have been in jail.’

‘Jail!’ cried Sam. What in the world for?’

‘Well,’ Ross said, ‘you know Sue, that cute little blonde nurse at the Doctor’s office where I sometimes go?’

‘Yeah,’ said Sam, ‘I remember her. What about her?

‘Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled ‘guilty’.

‘The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury.’

Word of The Day

Gutsy

Function: adjective
Comparative and superlative forms: gutsier; gutsiest also more gutsy; most gutsy




Status: informal

Meanings:

1 - very tough or brave
e.g: The book's gutsy heroine

2 - Showing courage
e.g.: That was a very gutsy decision.

3 - Having a strong and appealing flavor
e.g.: Gutsy stews. A rich gutsy wine