QUOTATION OF THE DAY

"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it." Bob Hope, Actor, Comedian and Author.

RULES OF THUMB

The thumb is the short, thick finger on your hand, the one that helps you hold things.

Thumb Nouns
The noun “thumb” is used in a lot of expressions:
To give someone the thumbs up/down,
to give someone approval/disapproval)

Thumb Verbs

Thumb is also used as a verb.
To thumb a ride (informal) to hitchhike; to try to get a ride by standing on the road sticking out your thumb.

Thumb Idioms
Here are some idioms with thumb. Can you guess their idiomatic meanings by thinking about their literal meanings?

To stick out like a sore thumb:
Betty sticks out like a sore thumb in that yellow dress. Everyone else is wearing blue. In other words, Betty looks very different from everyone else; she looks a little foolish.

A green thumb:
He has a green thumb. He is good at making plants grow. Everything in his garden flourishes.

A Rule of Thumb: (a practical rule) “You should pay your best attention to the Tips of Grammar as well as The Rules of Thumb listed in every issue of this BULLETIN. HC

Clip of The Day

"Harry and Sally"... is a 1989 American romantic comedy film written by Nora Ephron and directed by Rob Reiner. It stars Billy Crystal as Harry and Meg Ryan as Sally. The story follows the title characters from the time they meet just before sharing a cross-country drive, through some twelve years or so of chance encounters in New York City. The film raises the question "Can men and women ever just be friends?"

The whole story starts when Sally gives him a ride to New York after they both graduate from University. The film jumps through their lives as they both search for love, but fail, bumping into each other time and time again. Finally a close friendship blooms between them, and they both like having a friend of the opposite sex. But then they are confronted with the problem: "Would it be possible for a man and a woman be friends, without sex getting in the way?"

Curiosity: The lady who says "I'll have what she's having" after Sally's faked orgasm is director Rob Reiner's mother who happened to be visiting the set that day.

The orgasm scene was filmed at Katz's Deli, an actual restaurant in New York. The table at which the scene was filmed now has a plaque on it that reads, "Congratulations! You're sitting where Harry met Sally." HC

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

MUD PIES

A man pleaded with the psychiatrist, "You've got to help me.
It's my son."
"What's the matter?"
"He's always eating mud pies. I get up in the morning and
there he is in the backyard eating mud pies. I come home at
lunch and he's eating mud pies. I come home at dinner and
there he is in the backyard eating mud pies."
The psychiatrist reassured him, "Give the kid a chance. It's
all part of growing up. It'll pass."
"Well, I don't like it, and neither does his wife."


Magic Elevators
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....

'Go get your Mother'

GFN INFORMATION

No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times if it is being folded in half for each of the 7 folds!

Odd News

Police: Man tossed oranges at planes
Published: Nov. 10, 2010 at 3:56 PM

MESA, Ariz., Nov. 10 (UPI) Police in Arizona said they arrested a man who was caught throwing oranges at airplanes and sniffing spray paint near an airport.

Investigators said they responded to a call at the Falcon Field municipal airport in Mesa and found Brian Henio, 33, in a neighboring orange grove throwing fruit at the planes, The Arizona Republic, Phoenix, reported Wednesday.

Police said Henio had paint on his upper lip and they recognized the smell of spray paint.

The suspect, who was described by police as "extremely jittery," told officers he knew he was trespassing and wanted to go to New Mexico, the arrest report said.

Henio, who allegedly tried to resist being handcuffed, was arrested and charged with possession of a vapor releasing substance, possession of drug paraphernalia and trespassing. He was taken to the Mesa City Jail.

WORDS OF WISDOM

I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress. President Ronald Reagan

Word of The Day

OBNOXIOUS

Function: adjective

Comparative and superlative forms: more obnoxious; most obnoxious

Meaning: Unpleasant in a way that makes people feel offended, annoyed, or disgusted

e.g. He said some really obnoxious things about his ex-girlfriend at the party. Some teenagers were being loud and obnoxious. An obnoxious smell.


Derived forms:
Obnoxiously: Adverb
e.g. Obnoxiously loud music.

Clip of The Day

"PANDORA AND THE FLYING DUTCHMAN" (1951) is Albert Lewin's interpretation of the legend of the Flying Dutchman. The film stars: James Mason, Ava Gardner, Nigel Patrick and others. Ava Gardner became one of Hollywood's leading actresses, considered one of the most beautiful women of her day.

"In a little spanish seaport named Esperanza, during the 30s, appears Hendrick van der Zee, the mysterious captain of a yacht (he is the only one aboard). Pandora is a beautiful woman (who men kill and die for). She's never really fallen in love with any man, but she feels very attracted by Hendrick... We are soon taught that Hendrick is the Flying Dutchman, this sailor of the 17th century that has been cursed by God to wander over the seas until the Doomsday... unless a woman is ready to die for him..."

Famous last words

"The ladies have to go first. Goodbye, dearie. I'll see you later". John Jacob Astor

Astor and his wife were traveling on the Titanic when it struck an iceberg and began to sink. As Astor prepared to enter a lifeboat with his wife, a group of female passengers appeared on deck. He gave up his seat and spoke his final words to his wife; he was later found floating in the ocean, drowned.

Quote of the Day

"Broadly speaking, the short words are the best, and the old words best of all". Winston Churchill

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

Clever Judge. But You Still Can't Beat The Lawyer

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

- “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.”

- “Well put,” the judge replied. “Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.”

The defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

RULES OF THUMB

Now, let's look at the adjective ending - less.

When we add - less to a word, it means "without".

"shiftless" - without shifting, without moving, usually means "lazy", "faceless" - without a face.

What do you think "sleepless" means? How about "friendless" "homeless?"


Let's have fun with "less"

Fill in the blanks with a word from the list.

painless
sleepless
topless

1. I've had three _______ nights in a row. I guess I need some sleeping pills.

2. It is illegal for a woman to be _________ on most beaches.

3. Don't worry. The operation will be _________ .
We'll give you anesthesia.

Word of The Day

Naturally

Adverb

Meanings:

Naturally is used to describe something that happens or exists by itself without being controlled or changed by someone.

e.g. Her hair curls naturally.

A naturally sweet tea.
A number of important vitamins are found naturally in dark green vegetables like spinach.
Pearls are produced naturally by oysters.
He is naturally blond.
Their friendship developed naturally over time.

Naturally is also used to say that something is expected or normal.

e.g. Naturally, some mistakes were made.

When he heard the comment, he was naturally (of course) a little offended.
Naturally you’ll want rooms for the night.
“Did you visit her while you were there?” “Naturally.” (of course; yes)

Because of a quality or skill that a person or animal is born with

e.g. She’s naturally competitive.
He’s naturally able to make people feel comfortable.
Cats are said to be naturally curious.

In a way that is relaxed and normal

e.g. It’s hard to speak/act naturally when you’re nervous.

In a way that makes sense : in a logical and reasonable way

e.g. Her conclusions follow naturally from the theory.
Questions about the journalist’s sources arise naturally from such a controversial report.
When I saw that there were no lights on in the house, I naturally assumed you were asleep.

Idiom: Come Naturally
Meaning: If something comes naturally to you, you are able to do or learn it easily.

e.g. Musical talent comes naturally to that family.
Memorizing important dates in history came naturally to him (was easy for him) in school.

BRAZIL'S PURGATORY ABOUT TO BEGIN

A friend of mine sent me the text below. It talks about politics in Brazil. The message said that it was published in Canada. Next Sunday the runoff will decide the presidency of the country but the essential question is: "If President Da Silva, in fact, wanted to elect a woman of humble origins as he was, why wouldn't he choose Marina Silva?" Why then a woman from a bourgeois Bulgarian family, authoritarian, a former guerilla, hated by many party members, confused, very ill, without proper discourse and with no electoral experience? HC

It's worth a reading.

"The sad fact about the next election in Brazil is that it will not be decided based on principles or values. Nobody cares if Dilma Roussef murdered or robbed. It is just populism in the cruelest form. She is Lula’s lady. Poor people have benefited a little from the end of inflation, and they forgot that this situation was inherited by Lula.

What is interesting is that the Worker’s Party is neither Communist nor the helper of workers. IBGE, the main statistical institution in Brazil , has just released the information that illiteracy in Brazil increased during Lula’s reign. Basic sanitation is in the same level as it was at the time of his coronation. 50,000 Brazilians die of violent deaths, most caused by guns and drugs smuggled into the country by the FARC Marxist terrorists, allies of Lula. Who cares? I have a cell phone and tv set. The next World Cup will be in Rio .

On the other hand, the Federal Development Bank (BNDS) has received this year US$ 100 BI to lend to large corporations, in order to “buy” their good will towards the government during the election year. The capitalists get the money for 3,5% to 7%, while the government pays 10% to 12% for the banks. Itaú bank had the largest profit of any bank in the Americas , including the ones in the US .

Other acts of largesse of the government include the distribution of TV and radio licenses to capitalists and politicians, a TV network for the union leaders (who take one day of salary from the workers and can’t be audited – Lula forbid it) and the definition of the targets of investment of the pension funds from state companies, in the order of hundreds of billions of dollars. They can make you or break you.

FASCISM

This is a fascist economy, in its purest definition. Mussolini would be proud.

It is hard for the common folk to understand how Communism has changed from a social utopia to this raw fascism. The reason is that they retain the old veneer in cultural causes, such as free abortion, gay marriage, globalism, ecological radicalism, etc. Just like in China , they tell you how to live your private life.

Censorship or “media control” is in Dilma’s agenda, as it is in full course in Argentina and Venezuela today. The fiscal privacy of Dilma’s opponents has been broken with no consequences. Basic constitutional rights are worth nothing to the Worker’s party, and they are challenging property rights. A bunch of communist peasants, all funded and led by professional agitators, will invade farms, kill people (as they do now) and the issue will be decided by popular acclamation, in a commune.

We are being prepared to be pawns of the world government.

I predict rough times ahead for Brazil . Dilma is incompetent and stubborn. Brazil ‘s public debt has almost tripled and is about to explode, due to to the high interest rates. The boom in the exportation of minerals and agro-commodities that gave Lula’s popularity such boost can end anytime, especially if a heavy crisis hits the dollar. The taxation level in Brazil is one of the highest in the world, at 40,5% and bureaucracy, with 85 different taxes in the last count, is astronomical. They won’t be able to raise tax anymore to support the do-nothings employed in the government and the corruption.

When the government crashes, the social aids that supported Lula’s popularity will be at risk. Without the booming exports, there will be fewer jobs, and it is possible that we see riots and protests. Things have always been too easy in this country, where food grows even in a crack in the sidewalk. Perhaps it is time for Brazilians to mature from suffering.

PS: Dilma’s father was a Bulgarian. He fled his country because he was a communist activist. Surprisingly, in Brazil he was a capitalist and very rich. Dilma had a very bourgeois life, living in a large house and studying at private schools. It is always good to belong to the Communist elite."

Clip of The Day

"You Make Me Feel So Young" is a 1946 popular song composed by Josef Myrow, with lyrics written by Mack Gordon. I think that any comments should result absolutely unnecessary! Relax, see the clip and enjoy this great performance by "The Voice". HC.

LYRICS

You make me feel so young.
You make me feel like "Spring Sprung",
Every time I see you grin
I'm such a happy individual.
The moment that you speak
I wanna run play hide-and-seek.
I wanna go and bounce the moon
Just like a big balloon.
You and I we are just like a couple of tots
Runnin' along the meadow
snatching up all those forget-me-nots.
You make me feel so young.
You make me feel there are songs to be sung,
Bells to be rung, and a wonderful fling to be sprung,
And even when I'm old and gray
I'm gonna feel the way I do today
'Cause you make me feel so young.

Famous last words

"Waiting, are they? Waiting, are they? Well, let 'em wait"!

Who: Ethan Allen.

Note: Stated after Allen was shot and a doctor told him,

"General, I fear that the angels are waiting for you."

Quote of the Day

"My books are water, those of the great geniuses are wine, everybody drinks water". Mark Twain

And Some Still Complain About President Obama!

This is the often drunk Brazilian president making some goofy gestures and pissing in his own pants. (in the circle)

The lady seating next to him, a former guerilla, is his protégée candidate for this year election, she seems embarrassed.

This is the man who wants to be the UN secretary-general and broker nuclear agreement and other deals with Iran. HC.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

No joke as Brazil clown tops votes for Congress

A Brazilian clown has had the last laugh by winning a seat in Congress with more votes than any other candidate in Sunday's elections.

Tiririca, or Francisco Oliveira Silva to give him his real name, was elected as a federal deputy for Sao Paulo with more than 1.3 million votes.

Tiririca, or "Grumpy", had slogans such as: "It can't get any worse. "Tiririca won 1,353,355 votes - well ahead of the next best-supported politician, former Rio state governor Antony Garotinho, who took more than 694,000 votes to be elected a federal deputy for the state.

"What does a federal deputy do? Truly, I don't know. But vote for me and I will find out for you," was one of his messages.

Tiririca started working in a circus at the age of eight in the impoverished north-eastern state of Ceara, and is now a TV comedian. He was one of dozens of candidates from the world of sport and showbusiness who were contesting some of the 513 seats in the lower house of Congress.

Tiririca's sucess could also have a bearing on other election races, as he can pass on his excess votes to other candidates in his party's coalition, which includes the governing Workers Party. Tiririca survived a last-minute legal challenge to his candidacy amid evidence that he did not meet the literacy requirement for elected office. However, the electoral authorities indicated he could be removed from office if he failed to show he can read and write after the election.

RULES OF THUMB

The "NESS" ending

darkness: the state of absence of light.

We can often add "ness" to an adjective to get the noun form.

If the adjective ends in "y", take away the "y" and add "iness".

e.g. darkness, sadness, loneliness, happiness, laziness, craziness.

What is the noun form of "silly"?

The whole class was so silly that the teacher left the room.

The teacher left the room because of all the ___.

The answer is "silliness".

Word of The Day

ABATE

Function: verb (no object)

Comparative and superlative forms: abates; abated; abating

Meaning: to become weaker - to decrease in strength
e.g. We waited for the wind/storm to abate. The excitement has abated.

Derived form:
abatement - noun
Plural: abatements

e.g. (noncount) The violence has continued without abatement.
(count)a tax abatement (an amount by which a tax is reduced).

Clip of The Day

MASH is a 1970 American satirical comedy film directed by Robert Altman and written by Ring Lardner, Jr., based on the novel by Richard Hooker. One of the biggest hit films of the early 1970s for Twentieth Century Fox, and especially during the time of the Vietnam era. The film is set during the Korean War, but mirrors the tragedy of Vietnam.

The film stars Donald Sutherland, Tom Skerritt and Elliott Gould, with Sally Kellerman, Robert Duvall, Roger Bowen, Gary Burghoff, Michael Murphy, Rene Auberjonois, David Arkin and Fred Williamson.

The "best equipped dentist in the army", tells a mate that he has suffered a "lack of performance" with a visiting nurse and now believes that he has latent homosexual tendencies. Soon after, he reveals his desire to commit suicide and seeks advice on which method to use. His friends then suggest him to use the "black capsule", a fictitious, fast-acting poison. At an impromptu Last Supper, Dr. Painless takes the capsule actually a sleeping pill and falls asleep in a coffin to the strains of "Suicide is Painless" the theme song. Capt Hawkeye then persuades Lt. Maria Schneider, one of the nurses who is returning to the U.S. the following day, to spend the night with Painless, thus curing him of his problems. See the funeral scene. HC

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

The Drinks On Me

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.

The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00.

The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.

The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill."

In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?"

The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent when you drink."

Quote of the Day

You know you're really down and out when you find an ice-cream parlor that offers some 25 different combinations of flavors and you ask for vanilla...

Famous last words

"Pardonnez-moi, monsieur. Je ne l'ai pas fait exprès."

Translation: "Pardon me, sir. I did not do it on purpose."

Who: Marie Antoinette

Note: As she approached the guillotine, convicted of treason and about to be beheaded, she accidentally stepped on the foot of her executioner.

Rules of Thumb

To look up to – To admire and respect To look down on – To act as if someone is less important than you To treat someone as an equal – To act as if someone is the same as you

Has–Been

Function: noun (count)

Plural: Has-Beens

Status: informal

Meaning:

A person who is no longer popular or successful
e.g. They called him a washed-up old has-been.

A famous child actor who had become a has-been at 25

Note: Has-Been is often used before another noun.

e.g. A Has-Been singer

Video of the Day - Alberta Hunter

Alberta Hunter was an American blues singer and songwriter. Her career had started back in the early 1920s, and despite her upbringing, she went on to become one of the most famous jazz and blues performers of her time. In the 1950s, shocked by her mother’s death, Hunter retired from the limelight and worked as a nurse for 11 years. Hunter was working at New York's Goldwater Memorial Hospital in 1961 when record producer Chris Albertson asked her to break an 11-year absence from the recording studio.

Hunter finally got her break when she moved to New York City. She performed with such famous jazz names as Bricktop and Louis Armstrong. She made her home in the city and bought more than one house there, but it was a constant reminder of the struggle for work. She felt more comfortable in Europe where the work was more readily available. Equally important to Alberta was the fact that racism was not as strong a factor outside of the United States as it was inside. I had the privilege of seeing Dame Alberta Hunter singing the blues in São Paulo, some two years before she passed away in 1984. HC.

Pope Michael I

There are more things in heaven and earth, than are dreamt of in our vain philosophy. The world, seems to go crazier by each passing day. The event below is a real proof of that. HC

"The pious citizen of the photo above is David Allen Bawden, American, elected "Pope Michael I" by a group of six post-Sedevacantists Conclavis Catholics, under the argument that the elections of the past six Popes were invalid because of the elect are all too modernists.

The Sedevacantists argue that if the College of Cardinals electing a Pope can not "valid", Catholics like they can do so under the principle of "Epikeia" (equity). Acting on this principle, David Bawden was elected Pope by six people in 1990 (including himself and his parents).

David Allen Bawden (born September 22, 1959), was elected "Pope Michael I" to fill the vacancy they consider to have been caused by the death of Pope Pius XII in 1958. He is one of a group of self-proclaimed papal pretenders (or antipopes), including Fr. Lucian Pulvermacher (proclaimed Pius XIII) in Montana and the late Clemente Domínguez y Gómez (proclaimed Gregory XVII) in Spain."

His Holiness Michael I is in full possession of his sacred office to this date.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

The Institution of Marriage

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't. - James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Patrick Murray

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday "is to forget it once".
- Nash

You know what I did before I married? "Anything I wanted to." - Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. "Then we met." - Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband "when she's wrong."
- Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: Wife wanted. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
- Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): My wife's an angel!
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
- Anonymous

Famous last words

"Home to the palace to die…"

Alexander II of Russia

His guards heard him utter this phrase when they found his maimed body under a seat from his carriage after he was attacked with bombs by anarchists in an assassination attempt. He lost his left leg and was taken home where he died hours after his wound.

Word of The Day

CONVENE

Function: verb

Inflected forms:

convenes; convened; convening

Meaning:

: to come together in a group for a meeting

e.g.: (no object) The students convened (assembled) in the gym.
We convened at the hotel for a seminar.
This class convenes twice a week.

(with object) convene a meeting.
A panel of investigators was convened by the president to review the case.

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain

RULES OF THUMB

The word "thankful" comes from the noun "thanks."

- I'd like to say thank you.
- I'm am very thankful.

Here are some more adjectives that end in -FUL:

colorful - having many colors; full of color
helpful - someone who helps others
cheerful - someone who feels happy, or full of cheer
tearful - someone who is sad or their eyes are full of tears
powerful - having a lot of power
painful - causing pain

Love Affair - The piano scene

Love Affair is a 1994 romantic drama film. It was directed by Glenn Gordon Caron and produced by Warren Beatty from a screenplay by Robert Towne and Beatty. The music score was by Ennio Morricone. The film stars Beatty, Annette Bening and Katharine Hepburn in her last film role, with Garry Shandling, Chloe Webb, Pierce Brosnan, Kate Capshaw, Paul Mazursky and Brenda Vaccaro.
Sorry about the video error, don't touch anything, just let it go. HC

Portinari painting stolen from museum

Portinari painting is stolen from museum in Pernambuco.
According to Museum of Contemporary Art, piece was painted in 1959. Painting is valued between R$ 800,000 and R$ 1.2 million.

The painting "Enterro" (Burial in English), by Candido Portinari, was stolen from the Museum of Contemporary Art (MAC) in Olinda, Pernambuco. The painting's absence was noticed on Wednesday (14), however, Civil Police plan to investigate further when the painting might have been taken.

According to museum director Celia Labanca, the piece is from 1959 and is part of a series called Blue Artist. The oil painting has an estimated value of between R$ 800,000 (US$ 452,000) and R$ 1.2 million (US$ 678,000), measures 23cm by 33cm and was painted on wood.

The piece, along with five others by Portinari, was donated to the museum by Assis Chateaubriand in 1966.

Celia said officials noticed the crime at closing time when they discovered that an empty frame had been placed behind a window. The museum has closed circuit cameras and two guards during business hours. Last Wednesday, 13 people signed the museum's guestbook.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

The Priest, The Preacher and The Rabbi

A Priest, a Pentecostal Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they’re all together to discuss their experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs, goes first. “Well,” he says, “I went into the woods to find a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.”

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an IV drip in his arm, and both legs in casts. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, “WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don’t sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God’s HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.”

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in real bad shape.

The Rabbi looks up and says, “Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start.”

GFN INFORMATION

Astronauts in orbit are able to see the wakes of ships.

Word of The Day

ESPRIT DE CORPS

Function: noun (noncount)

Meaning:
feelings of loyalty, enthusiasm, and devotion to a group among people who are members of the group

e.g. - The troops showed great esprit de corps.

Quote of the Day

Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish.
Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) US (German-born) physicist

Rules of Thumb

Fun and Funny

If you have problems with the words "fun" and "funny," look at these two sentences and see if you can feel the difference:

1. George is so funny. Every time I talk to him he makes me laugh.

2. I really enjoy going to the beach. It's so fun!

Both words are adjectives.

We use "fun" to say that something is enjoyable; we like doing it.

We use "funny" to talk about things that make us laugh.

Funny
- Larry's joke about the Portuguese student was so funny I almost died laughing.
- Chaplin’s movies are always funny. Everyone in the theater ends up laughing.
- Rose is really funny. She has a great sense of humor, and always makes people laugh.

Fun

- My vacation in Rio was so fun! I went to Copacabana beach and to the Sugar Loaf.
- Jane's a really fun girl. It's always an adventure going out with her.
- Thank you for inviting me to your birthday party. It was really fun.
- I don't like going windsurfing. I think going to the movies is much more fun.

Clip of The Day

Legendary comedian Jerry Lewis in his memorable "typewriter scene" a masterpiece from "Who's Minding the Store" a 1963 comedy. HC.

THE FAMOUS SEA CAPTAIN

Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did. For years he guided merchant ships all over the world. Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains. However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, then lock it back up. After that, he would go about his daily duties. For years this went on, and his crew became very curious with each passing day. Was it a treasure map ? Was it a letter from a long lost love ? Everyone speculated about the contents of that strange envelope. One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain’s body to rest, into the ocean, the first mate led the entire crew into the captain’s quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and…The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper: “Portside = left. Starboard = right.”

Should I Laugh, Should I cry?!

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

(Thank you indeed, Mrs. Hornung)

When a woman lies

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy. Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?'' "Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. "Is this your husband? The Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said "no" to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.

Then if I said "no" to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said "yes," you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so that's why I said "yes" to George Clooney. And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is:

Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it.

Signed,

All Us Women

Good For Nothing Information - GFN

A cat’s heart beats 120 times per minute!

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain". Mark Twain

Mark Twain was the pen name for Samuel Langhorne Clemens November 30, 1835 – April 21, 1910, an American author and humorist. Twain is noted for his novels Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884), which has been called "the Great American Novel", and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876). He is extensively quoted. Twain was a friend to presidents, artists, industrialists, and European royalty.

Mark Twain was very popular, and his keen wit and incisive satire earned praise from critics and peers. Upon his death he was lauded as the "greatest American humorist of his age", and William Faulkner called Twain "the father of American literature".

By the way on this past 21 of April were completed one hundred years of his death.

Rules of Thumb

“RATHER”

RATHER - Um tanto, Meio
OR RATHER - Ou melhor, Aliás
WOULD RATHER - Preferiria
RATHER THAN - Em vez de

e.g. “She is rather tall, or rather, she is tall, but if she could choose, she would rather be short rather than tall”. Rather peculiar the example above, don’t you think ?

SYMPATHETIC

Function: Adjective

Comparative and superlative forms: more sympathetic; most sympathetic

Meanings:

1- Feeling or showing concern about someone who is in a bad situation : having or showing feelings of sympathy

e.g.: He received much help from sympathetic friends.

Note: This sense of sympathetic is often followed by to or toward.
e.g.: She is very sympathetic to/toward the poor.

2 - Not used before a noun : having or showing support for or approval of something — often followed by to or toward
e.g.: He was not sympathetic to/toward their cause. He did not support their cause.

3 - Having pleasant or appealing qualities : causing feelings of sympathy
e.g.: The book doesn't really have any sympathetic likable characters. I didn't find the hero in the movie very sympathetic.

Derived form:
Sympathetically adverb
e.g.: She sympathetically asked how she could help. The character was treated sympathetically.