LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

The Drinks On Me

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.

The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00.

The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.

The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill."

In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?"

The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent when you drink."

Quote of the Day

You know you're really down and out when you find an ice-cream parlor that offers some 25 different combinations of flavors and you ask for vanilla...

Famous last words

"Pardonnez-moi, monsieur. Je ne l'ai pas fait exprès."

Translation: "Pardon me, sir. I did not do it on purpose."

Who: Marie Antoinette

Note: As she approached the guillotine, convicted of treason and about to be beheaded, she accidentally stepped on the foot of her executioner.

Rules of Thumb

To look up to – To admire and respect To look down on – To act as if someone is less important than you To treat someone as an equal – To act as if someone is the same as you

Has–Been

Function: noun (count)

Plural: Has-Beens

Status: informal

Meaning:

A person who is no longer popular or successful
e.g. They called him a washed-up old has-been.

A famous child actor who had become a has-been at 25

Note: Has-Been is often used before another noun.

e.g. A Has-Been singer

Video of the Day - Alberta Hunter

Alberta Hunter was an American blues singer and songwriter. Her career had started back in the early 1920s, and despite her upbringing, she went on to become one of the most famous jazz and blues performers of her time. In the 1950s, shocked by her mother’s death, Hunter retired from the limelight and worked as a nurse for 11 years. Hunter was working at New York's Goldwater Memorial Hospital in 1961 when record producer Chris Albertson asked her to break an 11-year absence from the recording studio.

Hunter finally got her break when she moved to New York City. She performed with such famous jazz names as Bricktop and Louis Armstrong. She made her home in the city and bought more than one house there, but it was a constant reminder of the struggle for work. She felt more comfortable in Europe where the work was more readily available. Equally important to Alberta was the fact that racism was not as strong a factor outside of the United States as it was inside. I had the privilege of seeing Dame Alberta Hunter singing the blues in São Paulo, some two years before she passed away in 1984. HC.

Pope Michael I

There are more things in heaven and earth, than are dreamt of in our vain philosophy. The world, seems to go crazier by each passing day. The event below is a real proof of that. HC

"The pious citizen of the photo above is David Allen Bawden, American, elected "Pope Michael I" by a group of six post-Sedevacantists Conclavis Catholics, under the argument that the elections of the past six Popes were invalid because of the elect are all too modernists.

The Sedevacantists argue that if the College of Cardinals electing a Pope can not "valid", Catholics like they can do so under the principle of "Epikeia" (equity). Acting on this principle, David Bawden was elected Pope by six people in 1990 (including himself and his parents).

David Allen Bawden (born September 22, 1959), was elected "Pope Michael I" to fill the vacancy they consider to have been caused by the death of Pope Pius XII in 1958. He is one of a group of self-proclaimed papal pretenders (or antipopes), including Fr. Lucian Pulvermacher (proclaimed Pius XIII) in Montana and the late Clemente Domínguez y Gómez (proclaimed Gregory XVII) in Spain."

His Holiness Michael I is in full possession of his sacred office to this date.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

The Institution of Marriage

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't. - James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Patrick Murray

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday "is to forget it once".
- Nash

You know what I did before I married? "Anything I wanted to." - Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. "Then we met." - Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband "when she's wrong."
- Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: Wife wanted. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
- Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): My wife's an angel!
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
- Anonymous

Famous last words

"Home to the palace to die…"

Alexander II of Russia

His guards heard him utter this phrase when they found his maimed body under a seat from his carriage after he was attacked with bombs by anarchists in an assassination attempt. He lost his left leg and was taken home where he died hours after his wound.

Word of The Day

CONVENE

Function: verb

Inflected forms:

convenes; convened; convening

Meaning:

: to come together in a group for a meeting

e.g.: (no object) The students convened (assembled) in the gym.
We convened at the hotel for a seminar.
This class convenes twice a week.

(with object) convene a meeting.
A panel of investigators was convened by the president to review the case.

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain

RULES OF THUMB

The word "thankful" comes from the noun "thanks."

- I'd like to say thank you.
- I'm am very thankful.

Here are some more adjectives that end in -FUL:

colorful - having many colors; full of color
helpful - someone who helps others
cheerful - someone who feels happy, or full of cheer
tearful - someone who is sad or their eyes are full of tears
powerful - having a lot of power
painful - causing pain

Love Affair - The piano scene

Love Affair is a 1994 romantic drama film. It was directed by Glenn Gordon Caron and produced by Warren Beatty from a screenplay by Robert Towne and Beatty. The music score was by Ennio Morricone. The film stars Beatty, Annette Bening and Katharine Hepburn in her last film role, with Garry Shandling, Chloe Webb, Pierce Brosnan, Kate Capshaw, Paul Mazursky and Brenda Vaccaro.
Sorry about the video error, don't touch anything, just let it go. HC

Portinari painting stolen from museum

Portinari painting is stolen from museum in Pernambuco.
According to Museum of Contemporary Art, piece was painted in 1959. Painting is valued between R$ 800,000 and R$ 1.2 million.

The painting "Enterro" (Burial in English), by Candido Portinari, was stolen from the Museum of Contemporary Art (MAC) in Olinda, Pernambuco. The painting's absence was noticed on Wednesday (14), however, Civil Police plan to investigate further when the painting might have been taken.

According to museum director Celia Labanca, the piece is from 1959 and is part of a series called Blue Artist. The oil painting has an estimated value of between R$ 800,000 (US$ 452,000) and R$ 1.2 million (US$ 678,000), measures 23cm by 33cm and was painted on wood.

The piece, along with five others by Portinari, was donated to the museum by Assis Chateaubriand in 1966.

Celia said officials noticed the crime at closing time when they discovered that an empty frame had been placed behind a window. The museum has closed circuit cameras and two guards during business hours. Last Wednesday, 13 people signed the museum's guestbook.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

The Priest, The Preacher and The Rabbi

A Priest, a Pentecostal Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they’re all together to discuss their experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs, goes first. “Well,” he says, “I went into the woods to find a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.”

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an IV drip in his arm, and both legs in casts. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, “WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don’t sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God’s HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.”

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in real bad shape.

The Rabbi looks up and says, “Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start.”

GFN INFORMATION

Astronauts in orbit are able to see the wakes of ships.

Word of The Day

ESPRIT DE CORPS

Function: noun (noncount)

Meaning:
feelings of loyalty, enthusiasm, and devotion to a group among people who are members of the group

e.g. - The troops showed great esprit de corps.

Quote of the Day

Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish.
Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) US (German-born) physicist

Rules of Thumb

Fun and Funny

If you have problems with the words "fun" and "funny," look at these two sentences and see if you can feel the difference:

1. George is so funny. Every time I talk to him he makes me laugh.

2. I really enjoy going to the beach. It's so fun!

Both words are adjectives.

We use "fun" to say that something is enjoyable; we like doing it.

We use "funny" to talk about things that make us laugh.

Funny
- Larry's joke about the Portuguese student was so funny I almost died laughing.
- Chaplin’s movies are always funny. Everyone in the theater ends up laughing.
- Rose is really funny. She has a great sense of humor, and always makes people laugh.

Fun

- My vacation in Rio was so fun! I went to Copacabana beach and to the Sugar Loaf.
- Jane's a really fun girl. It's always an adventure going out with her.
- Thank you for inviting me to your birthday party. It was really fun.
- I don't like going windsurfing. I think going to the movies is much more fun.

Clip of The Day

Legendary comedian Jerry Lewis in his memorable "typewriter scene" a masterpiece from "Who's Minding the Store" a 1963 comedy. HC.

THE FAMOUS SEA CAPTAIN

Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did. For years he guided merchant ships all over the world. Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains. However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, then lock it back up. After that, he would go about his daily duties. For years this went on, and his crew became very curious with each passing day. Was it a treasure map ? Was it a letter from a long lost love ? Everyone speculated about the contents of that strange envelope. One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain’s body to rest, into the ocean, the first mate led the entire crew into the captain’s quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and…The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper: “Portside = left. Starboard = right.”

Should I Laugh, Should I cry?!

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

(Thank you indeed, Mrs. Hornung)

When a woman lies

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy. Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?'' "Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. "Is this your husband? The Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said "no" to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.

Then if I said "no" to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said "yes," you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so that's why I said "yes" to George Clooney. And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is:

Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it.

Signed,

All Us Women

Good For Nothing Information - GFN

A cat’s heart beats 120 times per minute!

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain". Mark Twain

Mark Twain was the pen name for Samuel Langhorne Clemens November 30, 1835 – April 21, 1910, an American author and humorist. Twain is noted for his novels Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884), which has been called "the Great American Novel", and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876). He is extensively quoted. Twain was a friend to presidents, artists, industrialists, and European royalty.

Mark Twain was very popular, and his keen wit and incisive satire earned praise from critics and peers. Upon his death he was lauded as the "greatest American humorist of his age", and William Faulkner called Twain "the father of American literature".

By the way on this past 21 of April were completed one hundred years of his death.

Rules of Thumb

“RATHER”

RATHER - Um tanto, Meio
OR RATHER - Ou melhor, Aliás
WOULD RATHER - Preferiria
RATHER THAN - Em vez de

e.g. “She is rather tall, or rather, she is tall, but if she could choose, she would rather be short rather than tall”. Rather peculiar the example above, don’t you think ?

SYMPATHETIC

Function: Adjective

Comparative and superlative forms: more sympathetic; most sympathetic

Meanings:

1- Feeling or showing concern about someone who is in a bad situation : having or showing feelings of sympathy

e.g.: He received much help from sympathetic friends.

Note: This sense of sympathetic is often followed by to or toward.
e.g.: She is very sympathetic to/toward the poor.

2 - Not used before a noun : having or showing support for or approval of something — often followed by to or toward
e.g.: He was not sympathetic to/toward their cause. He did not support their cause.

3 - Having pleasant or appealing qualities : causing feelings of sympathy
e.g.: The book doesn't really have any sympathetic likable characters. I didn't find the hero in the movie very sympathetic.

Derived form:
Sympathetically adverb
e.g.: She sympathetically asked how she could help. The character was treated sympathetically.

John Wayne winning the Best Actor Oscar for his performance in "True Grit" - 42nd Annual Academy Awards in 1970. Presented by Barbra Streisand.

(now, that would be a very nice and profitable exercise for you to check your listening ability! HC.)



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qQhODwivLU

SONGS AS A TEACHING AID

Hugo Caldas

SHOULD WE USE SONGS IN CLASS ?

ADVANTAGES?



A – Learning becomes something fun and enjoyable.
B – Music warms up the atmosphere and creates conditions for the approach of a new subject.
C – Students improve their English vocabulary and get acquainted with the culture and the spirit of the people whose language they are learning.
D – Students develop listening and pronunciation skills.
E – Students feel gratified and proud of being able to use English from the very beginning of learning it.
F – Singing together helps socialization.

WHEN SHOULD WE SING ?

A –When we want to encourage then to learn.
B –When we notice that they are tired.
C –When they ask us to.
D –When the song has something to do with the lesson we’re studying.
E – At the end of a term and at the beginning of a new one.
F – On the eve of a special holiday, students’ birthday, Xmas, etc.

WHAT SONGS SHOULD WE SING ?

A – The ones which have a lot of repetition and which contain the vocabulary and grammatical structures, we want to emphasize in that particular class.
B – Songs appropriate to the age and educational level of them.
C – Folk songs, which are familiar in both the students’culture and the culture of the new language they are learning.
D – Songs that are not familiar in the students’culture but they are likely to hear because of the international nature of the songs.
E – Hit Parade songs which are also known here.
F – Try different styles but do not forget to ask your students what they would like to sing.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

No Light No Work

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says,

- "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies,

- "And how would you do that?" The woman says,

- "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says,

- "What are you doing?" The woman replies,

- "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says,

- "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says,

- "Where are you going?" The man says,

- "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

Clever Drinker

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots, and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says,

- Dang, why are you drinking so fast?' The guy says,

- "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had.

- " The bartender asks,

- "What do you have?" The guy answers,

- "75 cents."

Clever Dog

Wife: - "We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning."

Husband: - "Well, lots of dogs can do that."

Wife: - "But we've never subscribed to any papers."

The Clip below was supplied by my friend Breno Grisi.

Good For Nothing Information - GFN

No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times if it is being folded in half for each of the 7 folds!! (isn't that wonderful?)

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

"Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been".
Jimmy Buffett, a singer, songwriter, author, businessman, and movie producer.

Today's Quotation was supplied by my good old friend
Mrs Hornung

Rules of Thumb

IT’S NOT THAT EASY BEING GREEN

And so, you think you know what green is, right ?

- "It's a color!" you say. "The color of grass and emeralds and little, round peas, and long, thin string beans!"

- Okay, that is true. Green is all those things. But green is also SO MUCH MORE! Here are some uses of green you might not know:

green - inexperienced (as in green like a young tree)
e.g. - I think he's too green to bear this kind of responsibility, but his boss wants him as a manager.

green - not ripe (describes fruit)
e.g. - These papayas are still green. You'll have to wait for a couple of days to eat them.

green - concerned about the environment.
e.g. - More and more people are becoming green: they are recycling and looking for ways to get rid of waste that don't pollute the land, water and air.

greens - leafy, dark green vegetables such as spinach and kale.
e.g. - Kids don't like to eat greens. They prefer ice cream and candies.

Green Expressions
to have a green thumb - to be good at growing plants.
e.g. - My wife has a green thumb, and I sure don't.

to be green with envy - to be jealous of something someone else has.
e.g. - When Helen was given a pay increase, her friend Martha was green with envy.

to give the green light to something/someone - to say that a project can proceed; to say yes to a plan.
e.g. - Bob’s last project went so well that the boss gave him the green light immediately.

Green Things
Green card – official permission for a foreigner to work and live in the USA.
Greenhouse – glass building where plants are grown all year round.

Word of The Day

PULVERISE

Function: verb (with object)

Inflected forms:
pulverizes; pulverized; pulverizing


Meanings:
1 - technical : to crush, beat, or grind (something) into powder or dust
e.g.: The mower pulverizes grass clippings. Bits of pulverized rock filled the air.

2 - informal : to destroy or defeat (someone or something) completely
e.g.: They pulverized the opposition.

Clip of The Day

This is a scene from the movie "Shall We Dance?" a romantic comedy where a bored, overworked Estate Lawyer, upon first sight of a beautiful instructor, signs up for ballroom dancing lessons. Richard Gere as John Clark and Jennifer Lopez as his teacher Paulina do the tango dance. See the Clip. HC.

45 Llife Lessons and 5 to Grow On

By Regina Brett


To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

To reach this Plain Dealer columnist:

rbrett@plaind.com

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

Don't Mess With Old Guys

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.

As he approached the receptionist’s desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,

- “YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE, YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?”

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,

- "NO, I’VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON’T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."



Family Planning

The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him.

They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he'd put an end to things by saying boldly,

"After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy."

Without a moment's hesitation, the bride retorted,

- "Well, I hope you'll love the third one just as if it's your own."!


A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later…..

- Da-ad….
- What?
- I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?
- No, You had your chance. Lights out.

Five minutes later: Da-aaaad…..

- WHAT?'
- I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?
- I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!

Five minutes later……
- Daaaa-aaaad…..
- WHAT!
- When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?

TIP OF THE DAY

“THE PEAR IS TO PARE AND THEN TO EAT. THE OTHER IS A PAIR TO PUT ON FEET”! Nice poetry, isn’t it ?

Check the pronunciation of PEAR - PARE and PAIR !!

Rules of Thumb

THE WORD WHEN

You have probably heard children use the phrase when I grow up... It means "when I get older."



When I grow up, I want to be a soccer player.
When I grow up, I want to be a teacher.
When I grow up, I want to be a movie star.
When I grow up, I want to work at the University.

Notice that the phrase “when I grow up” uses the present tense.
In English, if we use "when" to talk about the future, we often
use the present tense. Here are some more examples:

When I go to the store, I'll buy you a pack of gum.
I want to have seven children when I'm older.
When I'm the president of this country, everyone will get a raise.
I want to visit the Statue of Liberty when I go to New York.

Word of The Day

OUTLET

Function: noun (count)

Plural: outlets

Meanings:


A - Something that people use to express their emotions or talents.
e.g.: Emotional/artistic outlets.

Note: This sense of outlet is often followed by for.
e.g.: She used poetry as an outlet for her sadness. They needed a healthy outlet for their anger. Dn outlet for his talents.

B - A store that sells products made usually by one company and often at reduced prices.
e.g.: Designer clothing outlets. A discount furniture outlet. Retail outlets.
Outlet stores.

C - A television, radio, or publishing company.
e.g.: Media/news outlets. A cable TV outlet.

D - In the US a device in a wall into which an electric cord can be plugged in order to provide electricity for a lamp, television, etc.
e.g.: Electrical outlets. A wall outlet.

Note: This sense of outlet is called also socket, (British) point, (British) power point.

E - A place or opening through which something can go out.
e.g.: An outlet for the air to escape. The river’s outlet to the sea.

Clip of The Day

I might not say a word. Just enjoy the clip. HC.
(Thank you, Aline)

THE CHAUFFEUR

Mrs. Winterly was a very rich woman. Her husband was a multi-millionaire. She was quite young and he was quite old. She was twenty-eight and he was fifty-eight. They lived in a very large house in England. Mrs. Winterly never cooked or cleaned the house. She never worked and she never drove a car. When she wanted to go anywhere she would call Charles. Charles was her chauffeur. Mr. Winterly travelled a lot. He flew to many countries to do business. Mrs Winterly did not like to fly so she often stayed at home. Once Mr. Winterly went to America for a week. Mrs. Winterly decided to go shopping so she walked to the garage to find Charles. She found him in his room above the garage. Mrs Winterly looked at him and said in a whisper,

“Charles, take off my hat”
“Certainly, madam,” Charles replied.
Then he took off Mrs. Winterly’s hat.
“Charles, take off my coat.”
“Certainly, madam,” Charles replied.
Then he took off Mrs. Winterly’s coat.
“Charles, take off my shoes.”
“Certainly, madam,” Charles replied.
Then he took off Mrs. Winterly’s shoes.
“Charles, take off my dress.”
“Certainly, madam,” Charles replied.
Then he took off Mrs. Winterly’s dress.
Then, Mrs. Winterly looked deep into the eyes of the chauffeur and said

…“AND DON’T YOU DARE TO WEAR MY CLOTHES AGAIN!”…

Good For Nothing Information - GFN

Today we start a brand new section in the Bulletin. It’s called the GFN Information. Now, what does GFN stand for ? GFN is an initialism for Good For Nothing. The point is that, the information which is brought to you is absolutely worthless. Below you will find the very first GFN!!

“Matches used in the U.S. in 1840 could be lighted from either end” !!

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

This is to inform you readres that I received the message below with the following warning:

"In writing, an abbreviation is any shortened form of a word or phrase. However, there are types of abbreviations; the most common being acronyms and initialisms.

acronym - (a type of abbreviation)
A word formed from the initial parts (letters OR syllables OR arbitrary parts) of a name.

Examples: NATO (North Atlantic Treaty Organisation)

initialism - (a type of abbreviation)
A group of initial letters used as an abbreviation for a name or expression, each letter being pronounced separately.

Example, "BBC" (British Broadcasting Corporation), or "PBS" (Public Broadcasting System).

The key difference between an acronym and an initialism is that an acronym forms a new word, while an initalism does not.

For example, you say "nay-to" for NATO; this means you are saying a word, as opposed to saying each letter (ehn-ay-tee-oh).

So "NATO" is an acronym. But "U.K." is an intialism for United Kindom: you say each letter individually (you don't say "yuk", so you know it's not a word). Also, the periods are a dead-giveaway that's it's an intialism...

Corrections made, I should realize that there are times when old teachers ought to be replaced by younger people. Regardless the fact that the sender of the message is a certain Claudio Henrique Caldas Mattos, who happens to be my grandson, 18 years of age, and already a teacher of English. HC.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

The Polish Divorce:
(joke sent by our friend Breno Grisi)


A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand.
Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean what are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland .

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?
I got proof.

What kind of proof?
SHE IS GOING TO POISON ME !!!!
She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.
I can read English pretty good, and it says:

~~~Polish Remover~~~

Quote of the Day

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign. It doesn't matter the color of her hair!

TIPS OF THE DAY

PREPOSITIONS

ACROSS - Indica movimento ou extensão por cima de um objeto, de um lado para outro. – Através de.
e.g.: - He lives across the street.
She swam across the river.

AFTER - Depois de, após, atrás de, em busca ou no encalço de, à maneira de, abaixo de (graduação),
e.g.: - After a storm comes a calm.
The letter arrived the day after.
Peter went after his brothers.
The policeman ran after the crook.
A painting after Rembrandt.
A captain comes after a major.

AGAINST - Contra, em contato com, para, (em previsão de).
e.g.: - Let’s all fight against tyranny.
The public opinion was against Bill Clinton.
She was leaning against the wall.
We must save against bad days in the future.

Word of The Day

VISTA

Function: noun (count)

Plural: vistas

Meanings:

1 - A large and beautiful view of an area of land or water

e.g.: Colorful mountain vistas

2 - A large number of things that may be possible in the future

e.g.: Computers have opened up (whole) new vistas for scientific research.