BULLETIN BOARD

Video Clip of the Day

2011-10-16T08:01:00.000-07:00

Gilda is a 1946 American black-and-white film noir directed by Charles Vidor. It stars Glenn Ford and Rita Hayworth in her signature role as the ultimate femme fatale. "There never was a woman like Gilda". The film's plot is continually narrated by Johnny Farrell (Glenn Ford), a small-time American gambler newly arrived in Buenos Aires. When he wins a lot of money cheating at craps, he has to be rescued from a robbery attempt by a complete stranger, Ballin Mundson (George Macready). Mundson tells him about an illegal high-class casino, but warns him not to practice his skills there. Farrell ignores his advice, cheats at blackjack, and is taken by two men to see the casino's owner, who turns out to be Mundson. Farrell talks Mundson into hiring him and quickly gains his confidence. The film was noted for cinematographer Rudolph Mate's lush photography, costume designer Jean Louis' wardrobe for Hayworth, particularly for the dance numbers, and choreographer Jack Cole's staging of "Put the Blame on Mame" and "Amado Mio", sung by Anita Ellis, who dubbed the singimg voice of Rita Hayworth. Miss Ellis also sang on the radio and was a regular guest on The Red Skelton Show. She eventually ended her career in 1987. Enjoy the Clip. HC

Wise Sentence of The Day

2011-10-16T07:53:00.000-07:00

“Thirty years ago, we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have no jobs, no cash and no hope ” An American citizen.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

2011-10-16T07:36:00.000-07:00

Doctors meeting

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.

Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?"

The other three agreed.

The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."

The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."

The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret..."

Rules Are Rules
Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for most patients when they're being discharged. However, this girl working as a student nurse found one elderly gentleman -- already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase as his feet -- who insisted he didn't need her help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let the nurse wheel him to the elevator. On the way down, she asked if his wife was meeting him.

"I don't know," he said. "I think she's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

Jake and the CowFarmer Jake had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he was out in the field plowing. One day when he was out in the field, Jake's wife brought his lunch to him.

Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Jake's old mule kicked up his back legs, striking the wife in the head, and killing her instantly.

At the wake, Jake's minister noticed that when the women offered their sympathy to Jake he would nod his head up and down, but when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.

When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Jake and asked, "Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?"

"Well," Jake replied, "The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty, so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. The men all asked, 'Is that mule for sale?' and I shook my head, no."

Now, Ponder these

2011-10-16T07:28:00.000-07:00

Steven Right

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

Useless Erudition

2011-10-16T07:04:00.000-07:00

"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

"lollipop" is the longest word typed with your right hand.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

Our eyes are always the same size from birth,
but our nose and ears never stop growing.

The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.

The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' , and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (they are known as palindromes).

There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious and facetious

TYPEWRITER
The longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

Word Origins

2011-10-16T06:55:00.000-07:00

Beefeater

This term has been around since 1610. It originally meant a well-fed servant. The more famous use in reference to the Yeoman of the Guard of the English royal household and later to the Warders of the Tower of London dates to 1671. Beefeater is quite literal in origin, being a reference to the diets of well-off and spoiled servants. It contrasts with loaf-eater, a reference to a servant who eats the bread provided by his master, a term that dates back to Old English.

It is often incorrectly postulated the term comes from a supposed French word, buffetier. This alleged root, which would mean one who eats from a buffet, does not exist. Sometimes the word beaufet is presented as a transitional form, but this is simply a 17th century alternative spelling of buffet and appears later than beefeater.

(Source: Oxford English Dictionary, 2nd Edition)

Word of The Day

2011-10-16T06:38:00.000-07:00

Anonymous - adjective

MEANING

Not named or identified
e.g. The donor wishes to remain anonymous. An anonymous buyer purchased the painting.

Made or done by someone unknown
e.g. The college received an anonymous gift. He made an anonymous phone call to the police. The reporter got an anonymous tip.

(more anonymous; most anonymous)

Not distinct or noticeable
Lacking interesting or unusual characteristics.
e.g. She works in an anonymous (bland, nondescript) brick building. His was just another anonymous face in the crowd.

— anonymously adverb
e.g. They made the donation anonymously.

Clip of the Day

2011-09-25T12:40:00.000-07:00

Joe Brown, is an English entertainer. He's worked as a rock and roll singer and guitarist for more than five decades. He was a stage and television performer in the late 1950s and a UK recording star in the early 1960s. Mr. Brown has made six films, presented specialist radio series for BBC Radio 2, appeared on the West End stage alongside Dame Anna Neagle. In recent years he has again concentrated on recording and performing music, playing two tours of around 100 shows every year and releasing an album almost every year. Described by the Guinness Book of British Hit Singles & Albums, as a "chirpy Cockney", Brown was one of the original artists managed by the early rock impresario, Larry Parnes". He is highly regarded in the music business as a 'musician's musician' who 'commands respect and admiration from a wide spectrum of artists'. His performance of "I'll See You In My Dreams" at the "Concert for George" shows that he is still great after all these years. HC

Now, Ponder these

2011-09-25T12:35:00.000-07:00

Steven Wright

Steven Alexander Wright is an American comedian, actor and writer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical and sometimes nonsensical jokes and one-liners with contrived situations. If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the guy who once said:

"I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen...and replaced by exact duplicates."

Here are some more of his gems:

"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."

"Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back."

"Half the people you know are below average, 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name."

"Half all statistics are made up on the spot."

"A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good."

"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."

"If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."

"All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand."

"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. (Think about it some more.)

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

2011-09-25T12:24:00.000-07:00

What They Don't Teach You At Harvard

Two gentleman walked into the men's locker room at their prestigious country club; one was wearing a Harvard jacket, the other a Yale pullover.

After taking a leak, the Harvard man stopped to wash his hands--while the Yale man walked towards the door.

The Harvard man looked at the Yale man disapprovingly. "At Harvard, we take care to wash our hands after using the lavatory."

"Well," the Yale man replied, "at Yale, we know not to piss on our hands."

At the Church

A little boy was attending a wedding for the first time. After the service, his cousin asked him,

- "How many women can a man marry?"

- "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.

- "How do you know that?"

- "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"

A "marriage of the 90's"

Jack and Jill got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's", equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed. Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted,

- "Poached? I wanted scrambled!"

Undaunted, the next morning, Jack brought his true love a scrambled egg. Jill wasn't having any of it.

- "Do you think I don't like variety? I wanted poached this morning!"

Part II

Determined to please Jill, the next morning Jack thought, "third time's a charm" and brought her two eggs: one scrambled and one poached.

- "Here, my love, enjoy!" Jill looks at the plate and says, "You scrambled the wrong egg."

The Wedding Ring

A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the wedding ring. As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned.

- "Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said,

- "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day."

The Certificate

This guy was talking to his buddy, when he said,

- "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said,

- "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!"

So the first fella did just that. The next day his buddy asked,

- "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?"

- "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."

LawnmowerWoman: - "Doctor, for the last eight months, my husband has thought that he's a lawnmower."

Doctor: - "That's terrible, why didn't you bring him in sooner?"

Woman: - "Because the neighbor just returned him this morning."

Famous Quotations

2011-09-25T12:20:00.000-07:00

"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesnt believe, and leaves before she is left." Marilyn Monroe. One of the most enduring sex symbols of our time.

Famous Last Words

2011-09-25T12:17:00.000-07:00

"Are you guys ready? Let's roll".

Todd Beamer, passenger on United Flight 93, September 11, 2001. These are his last recorded words, coming at the end of a cell phone call before Beamer and others attempted to storm the airliner's cockpit to retake it from hijackers who were part of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. The plane crashed near Shanksville, Pennsylvania.

Word Origins

2011-09-25T12:15:00.000-07:00

Was the first computer 'bug' a real insect?

The story goes that one of the early electromechanical computers suffered a failure because an insect had crawled into the machine and been squashed between the moving parts of a relay switch, thereby jamming it. The incident was written up in the logbook and spread from there throughout the whole of the infant computer industry. However, although the account seems to be genuine, the word is older: the event was recorded as an amusement for posterity precisely because the term 'bug' was already in use.

The term in fact originates not with computer pioneers, but with engineers of a much earlier generation. The first example cited in the 20-volume historical Oxford English Dictionary is from the Pall Mall Gazette of 11 March 1889:

"I was informed that Mr. Edison, had been up the two previous nights discovering 'a bug' in his phonograph - an expression for solving a difficulty, and implying that some imaginary insect has secreted itself inside and is causing all the trouble."

It seems clear from this that the original 'bug', though it was indeed an insect, was in fact imaginary.

RULES OF THUMB

2011-09-25T12:13:00.001-07:00

You can identify a bad writer before you have seen a word of his copy if he uses the expression "we writers." Gardner Botsford - Veteran editor at The New Yorker magazine.

Word of The Day

2011-09-25T12:08:00.000-07:00

OUTBREAK noun (count)

Plural - Outbreaks

MEANING
A sudden start or increase of fighting or disease:

e.g. a cholera outbreak — often followed by of

They are preparing for an outbreak of the virus.

Clip of the Day

2011-09-13T08:27:00.000-07:00

Good Old Times

"Way Out West" is a Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy comedy film released in 1937. It was directed by James W. Horne, produced by Stan Laurel and distributed by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. This film was the second picture for which Laurel was credited as producer, the first was 1936's "Our Relations"; Laurel had served in that capacity uncredited for the duo's entire career. The executive producer was Hal Roach.

Film soundtrack

The film's score was composed by Marvin Hatley and nominated for an Academy Award for Best Music Scoring. The film includes two famous songs, "Trail Of The Lonesome Pine" sung by Laurel and Hardy except for a few lines by Chill Wills and Rosina Lawrence, lip-synched for comedic effect by Laurel and "At The Ball, That's All" sung by The Avalon Boys and accompanied by Laurel and Hardy performing an extended dance routine, which they rehearsed endlessly.

Times of non-violence and pure humor. Enjoy the clip. HC

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

2011-09-13T08:13:00.000-07:00

- Little Mary Margaret

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?'

When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

'God Almighty!' shouted Mary Margaret.

The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'

But Mary didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt with the pencil.

'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, ‘Very good,' and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'

Again, Johnny came to the rescue.

This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'

The nun fainted.

Water In Carburetor

"The car won't start," said a wife to her husband. "I think there's water in the carburetor."

"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburetor is."

"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure there's water in the carburetor."

"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"

"In the swimming pool."

- Everything Is Big In Texas

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas.

When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said,

- "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered,

- "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed,

- "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied,

- "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied,

- "Second door to the right."

The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting,

- "Don't flush, don't flush!

- Be Polite

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: '

Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to... the bathroom?'

Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.

' 'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'

Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'

- The teacher was speechless and fainted

- You're A Big Boy, Johny !

Little Johnny runs down the stairs in tears.
His mother asked,

- “What’s the matter now?”

- “Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer,” said little Johnny through his tears.

- “That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother. “I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?

- “I did!” sobbed Johnny

Famous Quotations

2011-09-13T08:11:00.000-07:00

"I do not paint a portrait to look like the subject, rather does the person grow to look like his portrait". Salvador Dali

Famous Last Words

2011-09-13T08:07:00.000-07:00

"I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis". Humphrey Bogart, actor.

Words Origin

2011-09-13T08:05:00.000-07:00

RULES OF THUMB

2011-09-13T07:42:00.000-07:00

Will vs Going To

Option 1

Ignore it completely, especially at lower levels.

The difference between will and going to (not to mention other ways of expressing futurity) is so subtle that it cannot be easily conveyed through rules or isolated examples. Moreover, often the two forms are interchangeable (I think it will rain/I think it’s going to rain) or the meaning overlaps to such an extent that there is no risk of the learner being misunderstood.

Option 2

Teach some 'rules of thumb', and hope that these are sufficient to deal with the majority of instances that learners will come across. For example:

'Going to' is a kind of present tense – look at its form! – so you use it when you want to talk about a future situation that is already connected to the present, e.g. because there’s present evidence, or because a plan is already in motion:

e.g. - I think it’s going to rain – I just felt a drop.
They’re going to retire to the country – they’ve already bought a little cottage.

In other cases, where there is no implicit or explicit connection to the present, use will.

e.g. - The concert will be over by midnight. I’ll light the barbecue.

Word of the Day

2011-09-13T07:30:00.000-07:00

Spoon A

Pronunciation: 'spün

Function: Noun

1 : An eating or cooking implement consisting of a small shallow bowl with a relatively long handle
2 : Something (as a tool or fishing lure) that resembles a spoon in shape

Spoon B

Function: transitive verb
: to take up and usually transfer in a spoon

intransitive verb (perhaps from the Welsh custom of an engaged man's presenting his fiancée with an elaborately carved wooden spoon) : to make love by caressing, kissing, and talking amorously : NECK

Clip of the Day

2011-09-06T17:59:00.000-07:00

Rowan Atkinson's about to tell Mr. Bean goodbye. The star feels he is too old to play the character any more. Everyone remembers the first time Rowan Atkinson brought his comic creation Mr Bean to the screens in 1989. The series ran until 1995 and since spawned two film versions under the directorial eye of Mel Smith. Atkinson has now revealed that he has probably said goodbye to the character for good as he’s getting too old. Talking to the press, Atkinson said, “I’ve got the feeling that I probably won’t play the character again. Never say never but I feel I’m getting too old. I have always liked Mr Bean as a cartoon like character who doesn’t really age much. I’ve always seen him as ageless and timeless and I’m clearly not that. The older I get the less qualified I feel I am to play him.” Watch the Clip. The transcriptions are available here because of a little help from Claudio Henrique Caldas Mattos who happens to be my grandson. And also a very good teacher. HC

Rowan Atkinson Amazing Jesus

"And on the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee, and it came to pass that all the wine was drunk. And the mother of Jesus said unto the Lord,

- they have no more wine. And Jesus said unto the servants:”

- Fill six water pots with water”. And they did so.

And when the steward of the feast did taste the water from the pots it had become wine, and they knew not whence it had come. But the servants did know and they applauded loudly in the kitchen. And they said unto the Lord:

- “How the hell did you do that?” And inquired of him:” Do you do children’s parties?”. And the Lord said:

- “No.” But the servants did press him saying:

- “Go on, give us another one”. And so he brought forth a carrot and said,

- “Behold this for it is a carrot and all about him knew that it was so. For it was orange, with a green top. And he did place a large red cloth over the carrot and then removed it and lo he held in his hand a white rabbit and all were amazed and said:

- “This guy is really good! He should turn professional.” And they brought him on a stretcher a man who was sick of the palsy; and they cried onto him:

- ”Maestro, this man is sick of the palsy.” And the Lord said:”

- If I have to spend my whole life on a stretcher, I’d be pretty sick of the palsy too.” And they were filled with joy. And cried out:

- “Lord, thy one-liners are as good as thy tricks. Thou art indeed an all-round family entertainer.” And then came in to him a woman called Mary who had seen the Lord and believed. And Jesus said unto her:

- “Put on a tutu" and lie down in this box”, and then took he forth a saw and cleft her in twain. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. But Jesus said:

- “Oh,Ye of little faith!”. And he threw open the box and lo Mary was whole and the crowd went absolutely bananas. And Jesus and Mary took a big bow and he said unto her:

- “From now on you shall be known as Sharon for that is a good name for an assistant. And the people said:

- “We’ve never seen anything like this. This is great. You must be the son of God.”

Here ends the lesson.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

2011-09-06T17:27:00.000-07:00

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating,

- "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply?
A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied,

- "My wife's first husband."

How To Impress A Girl ?

An older guy was working out at the gym. He was not in very good shape, but he perked up when he spotted a sweet young thing across the room. She was gorgeous!

He finally caught the trainer's eye and motioned him over.

- "Can I help you?" the buff expert asked.

- "Yeah," the graying, paunchy, guy said, huffing even though he was only pushing 10 pounds. "That girl over there...."

The trainer takes a quick look.

- "Ah, Ramona. She's in great shape, eh?"

- "Yeah," the guy says, puffing. "What machine in this place should I use to impress her?"

- "There's only one machine that could possibly work, if you're up to it," the trainer said.

- "What!?" the sweaty flab-master demanded.

- "The ATM in the lobby."

Famous Quotations

2011-09-06T17:20:00.000-07:00

Broadly speaking, the short words are the best, and the old words best of all. Sir Winston Churchill

Famous Last Words

2011-09-06T17:07:00.000-07:00

When the priest who was attending him at his bedsite said "May the Lord have mercy on your soul", Charles Chaplin is reported to have replied "Why Not? After all, it belongs to him." However, this may be apochryphal, since the words are a quotation from his 1946 film, "Monsieur Verdoux", and Chaplin reportedly died in his sleep.

RULES OF THUMB

2011-09-06T17:01:00.000-07:00

THE USE OF SUFFIXES

The suffixes ment (act of, state of), er (one who does) and ness (act of, state of) can be added to words to make a noun. Add one of these suffixes to each word below so that the new word will make sense in each sentence.

1. (state) The President made a _______________to the Congress.

2. (teach) Our English___________went on vacation this weekend.

3. (deaf) People’s___________is the result of noise pollution.

4. (preach) His brother is a_____________in the Baptist Church.

5. (govern/agree) The_____________signed an_____________with the senators.

6. (paint) Picasso, the famous______________was born in Spain.

7. (sad/play) We saw the team’s______________when their best__________was hurt.

8. (fresh) _____________is important in vegetables.

9. (measure) Paul doesn’t know the exact____________of the garage door.

10. (sing) Sinatra was the best and most important American____________of this century.

11. (pay) Please, do not forget your monthly___________.

12. (labor) A person who gets paid for his work it is called a____________.

Word Origins

2011-09-06T16:54:00.001-07:00

What is the origin of the word "snob"?

People often claim that this word originated as an abbreviated form of the Latin phrase sine nobilitate, meaning 'without nobility' (i.e. of a humble social background). Various accounts of the circumstances in which this abbreviation was supposedly used have been put forward: on lists of names of Oxford or Cambridge students; on lists of ships' passengers (to make sure that only the best people dined at the captain's table); on lists of guests to indicate that no title was required when they were announced.

The theory is ingenious but highly unlikely. The word snob is first recorded in the late 18th century as a term for a shoemaker or his apprentice. At about this time it was indeed adopted by Cambridge students, but they didn't use it to refer to students who lacked a title or were of humble origins; they used it generally of anyone who was not a student.

By the early 19th century snob was being used to mean a person with no 'breeding', both the honest labourers who knew their place, and the vulgar social climbers who copied the manners of the upper classes. In time the word came to describe someone with an exaggerated respect for high social position or wealth who looks down on those regarded as socially inferior.

It's quite possible that the phrase sine nobilitate may have appeared in one context or another, but it is difficult to see why it would have given rise to a word for a shoemaker.

Word of The Day

2011-09-06T16:47:00.000-07:00

Get your foot in the door

MEANING

To make the first step toward a goal by gaining entry into an organization, a career, etc.

e.g. He took a job as a secretary to get his foot in the door.

Clip of the Day

2011-08-13T06:34:00.001-07:00

"The Quiet Man is a 1952 American Technicolor romantic comedy-drama film. It was directed by John Ford and stars John Wayne, Maureen O'Hara and Barry Fitzgerald. The storyline is an Irish village version of "The Taming of the Shrew," the tamer being an ex-pugilist Sean Thornton (John Wayne) retired to the land of his fathers where he purchases "that little place across the brook, that humble cottage."

But no sooner does he arrives on a soft spring morning than he falls in love with Mary Kate (Maureen O'Hara) a beautiful but poor maiden, and younger sister of ill-tempered "Red" Will Danaher. The riotous relationship that forms between Sean and Mary Kate, punctuated by Will's pugnacious attempts to keep them apart, form the main plot, with Sean's past as the dark undercurrent.

"Probably the best movie in the world,as Orson Welles may have said during his later work doing lager adverts for carlsberg. Watch the Clip. HC

http://youtu.be/8Bm0RIs-VJU

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

2011-08-13T05:00:00.000-07:00

A Different Perspective

A little boy went up to his father and asked:

- ‘Dad, where did my intelligence come from?’

The father replied.

- ‘Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine..’

At the Courthouse

‘Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,’ the divorce court Judge said, ‘And I’ve decided to give your wife $775 a week,’

‘That’s very fair, your honor,’ the husband said. ‘And every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.’

At the ER

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, ‘I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.’

‘Me neither doc,’ said the husband.

‘But she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.’

At the Wizard's

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, ‘Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.’

The old man says without hesitation,

- ‘I now pronounce you man and wife.’

Blonde

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, ‘Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?’ The agent replies,

- ‘Just a minute.’

‘Thank you,’ the blonde says, and hangs up.

Religion

Moe: - ‘My wife got me to believe in religion.’

Joe: - ‘Really?’

Moe: - ‘Yeah. Until I married her I didn’t believe in Hell.’

‘Oops!’

A man is recovering from surgery when the surgical nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.

- ‘I’m O. K. but I didn’t like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,’ he answered.

- ‘What did he say,’ asked the nurse.

- ‘Oops!’

Shopping

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband’s advice.

‘What do you think?’ I asked. ‘Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?’

‘Better get a bikini,’ he replied ‘You’d never get it all in one.’

He’s still in intensive care.

At the Graveyard

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said,

- ‘Well, she’s there.

Famous Quotations

2011-08-13T04:54:00.000-07:00

"It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practise either of them." Mark Twain

Famous Last Words

2011-08-13T04:51:00.000-07:00

"Well, gentlemen, you are about to see a baked Appel." George Appel, executed by electric chair in 1928.

RULES OF THUMB

2011-08-13T04:42:00.000-07:00

The thumb is the short, thick finger on your hand, the one that helps you hold things.

Thumb Nouns

The noun “thumb” is used in a lot of expressions: to give someone the thumbs up/down (to give someone approval/disapproval)

Thumb Verbs

'Thumb is also used as a verb.
to thumb a ride (informal) to hitchhike; to try to get a ride by standing on the road sticking out your thumb.

Thumb Idioms

Here are some idioms with thumb. Can you guess their idiomatic meanings by thinking about their literal meanings?

To stick out like a sore thumb: Betty sticks out like a sore thumb in that yellow dress. Everyone else is wearing blue. (Betty looks very different from everyone else; she looks a little foolish.)

A green thumb:

He has a green thumb. He is good at making plants grow. Everything in his garden flourishes.

A Rule of Thumb: (a practical rule) “You should pay your best attention to the Tips of Grammar as well as The Rules of Thumb listed in every issue of this BULLETIN”.

Words Origin

2011-08-13T04:35:00.000-07:00

The origin of the word "OK"

During historic civil wars, when troops returned without any casualties, a writing was put up so all can see which read. "0 Killed". From here we get the esxpression OK, which means "all is good".

There have been numerous attempts to explain the emergence of this expression, which seems to have swept into popular use in the US during the mid-19th century. Most of them are pure speculation. It does not seem at all likely, from the linguistic and historical evidence, that it comes from the Scots expression och aye, the Greek ola kala ('it is good'), the Choctaw Indian oke or okeh ('it is so'), the French aux Cayes ('from Cayes', a port in Haiti with a reputation for good rum) or au quai ('to the quay', as supposedly used by French-speaking dockers), or the initials of a railway freight agent called Obediah Kelly who is said to have written them on documents he had checked.

A more likely explanation is that the term originated as an abbreviation of orl korrekt , a jokey misspelling of 'all correct' which was current in the US in the 1830s. The oldest written references result from its use as a slogan by the Democratic party during the American Presidential election of 1840. Their candidate, President Martin Van Buren, was nicknamed 'Old Kinderhook' (after his birthplace in New York State), and his supporters formed the 'OK Club'. This undoubtedly helped to popularize the term (though it did not get President Van Buren re-elected).

The only other theory with at least a degree of plausibility is that the term originated among Black slaves of West African origin, and represents a word meaning 'all right, yes indeed' in various West African languages. Unfortunately, historical evidence enabling the origin of this expression to be finally and firmly established may be hard to unearth.

Word of The Day

2011-08-13T04:32:00.000-07:00

Fillip

verb

a : to strike by holding the nail of a finger against the ball of the thumb and then suddenly releasing it from that position

b : to make a filliping motion with

: to project quickly by or as if by a fillip : snap

: to urge on : stimulate

e.g.: Inexplicably, Carl walked up to his baby sister and filliped her on the nose.

Clip of the Day

2011-07-29T12:04:00.000-07:00

Tommy Johnson - you ain't gonna believe this one! Tommy Johnson plays boogie woogie. An amazing pianist. Plays boogie-woogie piano music incredibly! The Real Boogie Man!

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

2011-07-29T11:46:00.000-07:00

Looks Can Be Deceptive

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God she asked

- “Is my time up?” God said,

- “No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded,

- “I thought you said I had another 33 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?” God replied:

- “Shit! I didn’t recognize you.”

Quick Thinking

A man walked into the produce section of a local supermarket and asked to buy a half head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager:

- "Some asshole wants to buy a half head of lettuce."

The manager was looking behind the boy, so the boy turned around to see the man standing right behind him. So he quickly added:

- "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy:

- "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here."

- "Thank you, sir," the boy replied.

- "Where are you from, son?"

- "Texas, sir."

- "Well, why did you leave Texas?" the manager asked.

The boy said

- "Sir, there's nothing down there but whores and football players!"

- "Really," said the manager. "My wife is from Texas."

- "No kidding!" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"

RULES OF THUMB

2011-07-29T11:27:00.000-07:00

USING WHO OF WHOM

If you can answer the question being asked with him, then use whom, and it's easy to remember because they both end with m. For example, if you're trying to ask, "Who (or whom) do you love?" The answer would be "I love him." Him ends with an m, so you know to use whom. But if you are trying to ask, "Who (or whom) stepped on Squiggly?" the answer would be "He stepped on Squiggly." There's no m, so you know to use who. So that's the quick and dirty trick: if you can't remember that you use whom when you are referring to the object of the sentence, just remember that him equals whom.
Joseph Bauer, Master Carpenter, Indian Hills, Ohio, USA

Famous Last Words

2011-07-29T11:18:00.000-07:00

"Nothing, but death"

When asked by her sister, Cassandra, if there was anything she wanted. Jane Austen, writer, (16 December 1775 – 18 July 1817)

Word Origins

2011-07-29T11:12:00.000-07:00

Etymology of Gringo

Origins: The word gringo came from Mexicans' overhearing American soldiers sing the song "Green Grow the Lilacs" during the Mexican-American War. Gringo is also a slang Spanish and Portuguese word used in Spanish-speaking and Portuguese-speaking countries in Latin America, to denote foreigners, often from the United States.

Word of The Day

2011-07-29T10:54:00.001-07:00

Amendment

MEANING

Function: noun

Plural: amendments

1 (count) : a change in the words or meaning of a law or document (such as a constitution)

e.g.: Constitutional amendments

Note: This sense of amendment is often followed by to.
e.g.: They proposed an amendment to the law. (they officially suggested that a change be made to the law)
An amendment to section 37 (a) of the tax code

Note: The names of the amendments that have been made to the U.S. Constitution are usually capitalized.
e.g.: The first 10 Amendments to the Constitution of the United States are called the Bill of Rights.
Our right to free speech is protected by the First Amendment (of the U.S. Constitution).

2 (noncount) : the act or process of changing the words or meaning of a law or document : the act or process of amending something

e.g.: Rights that were granted by amendment of the Constitution

Clip of the Day

2011-06-24T08:55:00.000-07:00

An intimate tour of Earth's most impressive landscapes as captured by astronauts with their digital cameras. Dr. Justin Wilkinson from NASA's astronaut team shows us the special places that spacemen focus on whenever they get a moment.

Famous Quotations

2011-06-24T08:38:00.000-07:00

"If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be - a Christian." Mark Twain

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

2011-06-24T08:24:00.000-07:00

Logic

The researcher interviews a grumpy old guy:

- Do you like theater?
- Nope. I went once and did not like.

- Cinema?
- Nope. I went once and did not like.

- Dance?
- Nope. I went once and did not like.

- Pubs?
- Nope. I went once and did not like.

Precisely at this instant a little boy enters the room. He explains:

- My son.

The interviewer then concludes:

- Your only child, I presume!

Beautiful and Cute

My husband was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and I was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You`re beautiful."

Flattered, I continued my vigil while he drifted back to sleep. Later he woke up and said, "You`re cute."

"What happened to `beautiful`?" I asked him.

"The drugs are wearing off," he replied.

Word Origins

2011-06-24T08:17:00.000-07:00

People have been saying "handicapped" for years. Since 1504, in fact.

In 1504, after a brutal war in England, King Henry VII had an idea. King Henry knew that the war had left his country with a great number of disabled veterans. And King Henry, who unfortunately had skipped his REELife Solutions [not a trademark, thank God] training session that morning, could not envision disabled veterans being able to hold a job, or contribute to society (sic).

So King Henry VII passed some landmark legislation. He proclaimed that begging in the streets be legal for people with disabilities. So into the streets, with their "cap in hand", went King Henry's disabled veterans, to beg for money.

And so originated the term "handicap".

"hand-in-cap"

Famous Last Words

2011-06-24T08:12:00.000-07:00

"Am I dying or is this my birthday?"
When she woke briefly during her last illness and found all her family around her bedside. Lady Nancy Astor

RULES OF THUMB

2011-06-24T07:54:00.000-07:00

First, Second, and Third.

Whether to use first or firstly, second or secondly.

Traditional usage had first, secondly, thirdly, but this is too inconsistent for modern usage.

Most guides prefer just plain old first, second, third, and so forth, without the -ly ending.

Intensive or intense?

The New Fowler's Modern English Usage is a classical book for learners of this language. And Winston Churchill knew that very well, as he wrote to the Director of Military Intelligence about the plans for the invasion of Normandy:

- "Why must you write INTENSIVE here? INTENSE is the right word. You should read Fowler's Modern English Usage on the use of the two words".(Supplied by Breno Grisi).

Word of The Day

2011-06-24T07:37:00.000-07:00

A Pat On The Back

Function: idiom

Status: informal

Meaning:

A show of praise or approval

e.g.: You all deserve a pat on the back (you all deserve to be praised) for making this possible.

You did a great job, so give yourself a pat on the back.

Clip of the Day

2011-05-30T17:44:00.000-07:00

This is one of the songs The Beatles played for their audition for Decca Records in 1962. Though the performance by Paul is extraordinary and the harmonies by George and John are extremely sharp, The Beatles were rejected. Too bad!

Notice in this original ensemble - Paul McCartney, John Lennon, George Harrison and Pete Best, not Ringo Starr.

Someday in Past

2011-05-30T17:26:00.000-07:00

On one occasion at school, Churchill at the age of 13, was asked by his Latin teacher to decline "mensa" (table). The boy proceeded to do so,
giving the nominative, accusative, genitive, dative and ablative.

-"The vocative?"prompted his teacher.

- "But I don't intend ever to talk to tables," Churchill replied reasonably, if impertinently.

Famous Quotations

2011-05-30T17:14:00.000-07:00

“I always cry at weddings, especially my own”.
Humphrey Bogart

"How to determine the height of a skyscraper ."

2011-05-30T16:52:00.000-07:00

Breno Grisi

This concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen: "Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."

One student replied: "You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building." This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately. He appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the University appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.

For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind which to use. On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows: "Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer. "Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper's shadow, and thereafter it is simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper. "But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi sq root (l / g). "Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up. ‘If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building. But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor's door and say to him If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper'. The student was Niels Bohr, the only Dane to win the Nobel prize for Physics.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

2011-05-30T14:03:00.001-07:00

Sneaking In

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.

"No, no no !" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

Power Of Mind : Remember Things by Association

An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association.

A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.

"What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor.

"Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered. "You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's that flower's name?"

"A rose?" asked the neighbor.

"Yes, that's it," replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?"

Keeping It Warm

This guy went into a restaurant and ordered his meal. When the waitress came out with his soup, he noticed that she had her thumb stuck into it. This upset him, but he let it go.

She then brought out his chili, and again her thumb was in the food. He let it go again.

When she brought out his hot fudge sundae, her thumb was in the fudge and this was too much for him.

"Goddammit," said the man, "get your damn thumb out of my food!"

"Well, I injured it a while ago and the doctor said I should keep it warm."

"Why don't you just shove it up your ass?" the man said angrily.

"That's what I do when I'm in the kitchen."

Two of the greatest qualities in life are:
1. Patience 2. Wisdom

Famous Last Words

2011-05-30T13:57:00.000-07:00

"I pray you to bear me witness that I meet my fate like a brave man".

Who: Major John André

Note: According to James Thatcher's book The American Revolution, André raised the handkerchief from his eyes and said these words when given an opportunity to speak, moments before he was hanged as a British spy.

RULES OF THUMB

2011-05-30T13:48:00.000-07:00

THE WORD WHEN

You have probably heard children use the phrase when I grow up...
It means "when I get older."
When I grow up, I want to be a soccer player.
When I grow up, I want to be a teacher.
When I grow up, I want to be a movie star.
When I grow up, I want to work at the University.
Notice that the phrase “when I grow up” uses the present tense.
In English, if we use "when" to talk about the future, we often
use the present tense. Here are some more examples:
When I go to the store, I'll buy you a pack of gum.
I want to have seven children when I'm older.
When I'm the president of this country, everyone will get a raise.
I want to visit the Statue of Liberty when I go to New York.

Word of The Day

2011-05-30T13:33:00.000-07:00

"Have your cake and eat it, too!"

Function: idom

Meanings:

to have or enjoy the good parts of something without having or dealing with the bad parts.

e.g. - They seem to think they can have their cake and eat it too by having excellent schools for their son without paying high taxes.

Video Clip of the Day

2011-05-07T17:26:00.000-07:00

Hamlet's First Soliloquy - From Hamlet - by William Shakespeare (1564-1616) Performed by Sir Laurence Olivier in the 1948 film:

O, that this too too solid flesh would melt
Thaw and resolve itself into a dew!
Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd
His canon 'gainst self-slaughter! O God! God!
How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable,
Seem to me all the uses of this world!
Fie on't! ah fie! 'tis an unweeded garden,
That grows to seed; things rank and gross in nature
Possess it merely. That it should come to this!
But two months dead: nay, not so much, not two:
So excellent a king; that was, to this,
Hyperion to a satyr; so loving to my mother
That he might not beteem the winds of heaven
Visit her face too roughly. Heaven and earth!
Must I remember? why, she would hang on him,
As if increase of appetite had grown
By what it fed on: and yet, within a month —
Let me not think on't — Frailty, thy name is woman! —
A little month, or ere those shoes were old
With which she follow'd my poor father's body,
Like Niobe, all tears: — why she, even she —
O, God! a beast, that wants discourse of reason,
Would have mourn'd longer — married with my uncle,
My father's brother, but no more like my father
Than I to Hercules: within a month:
Ere yet the salt of most unrighteous tears
Had left the flushing in her galled eyes,
She married. O, most wicked speed, to post
With such dexterity to incestuous sheets!
It is not nor it cannot come to good:
But break, my heart; for I must hold my tongue.

Harry & Bess

2011-05-07T17:14:00.000-07:00

We will never see this again

Thought you'd enjoy this one! This one you want your Children and Grandchildren to read. They won’t believe this happened, but it DID.

This seems unreal.....

Harry Truman was a different kind of President. He probably made as many, or more important decisions regarding our nation's history as any of the other 42 Presidents preceding him. However, a measure of his greatness may rest on what he did after he left the White House.

The only asset he had when he died was the house he lived in, which was in Independence Missouri . His wife had inherited the house from her mother and father and other than their years in the White House, they lived their entire lives there.

When he retired from office in 1952, his income was a U.S. Army pension reported to have been $13,507.72 a year. Congress, noting that he was paying for his stamps and personally licking them, granted him an 'allowance' and, later, a retroactive pension of $25,000 per year.

After President Eisenhower was inaugurated, Harry and Bess drove home to Missouri by themselves. There was no Secret Service following them.

When offered corporate positions at large salaries, he declined, stating, "You don 't want me. You want the office of the President, and that doesn't belong to me. It belongs to the American people and it's not for sale.."

Even later, on May 6, 1971, when Congress was preparing to award him the Medal of Honor on his 87th birthday, he refused to accept it, writing, "I don 't consider that I have done anything which should be the reason for any award, Congressional or otherwise."

As president he paid for all of his own travel expenses and food.

Modern politicians have found a new level of success in cashing in on the Presidency, resulting in untold wealth. Today, many in Congress also have found a way to become quite wealthy while enjoying the fruits of their offices. Political offices are now for sale. (sic. Illinois )

Good old Harry Truman was correct when he observed, "My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!

I say dig him up and clone him!!

This is not sent for discussion.

If you agree, forward it.. If you don 't, delete it. I don 't want to know one way or the other. By me forwarding it, you know how I feel.

Enjoy life now it has an expiration date!

Excerpt from Robert L. Dimmick' Blog

Famous Last Words

2011-05-07T14:29:00.000-07:00

"You be good. See you tomorrow. I love you."
Alex, African Grey Parrot used in comparative psychology research at Brandeis University. Doctor Irene Pepperberg, his handler, found him dead the next morning.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

2011-05-07T14:18:00.000-07:00

1000 Steps To Heaven

On day a redhead , a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven.

God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven.

So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.

The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.

But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke.

God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet"?

- The blonde said "I know I just now got the first one!!!"

Drunk Snake

A man went fishing one day.

He looked over the side of his boat and saw a snake with a frog in its mouth.

Feeling sorry for the frog, he reached down, gently took the frog from the snake, and set the frog free.

But then he felt sorry for the snake. He looked around the boat, but he had no food.

All he had was a bottle of bourbon. So he opened the bottle and gave the snake a few shots.

The snake went off happy, the frog was happy, and the man was happy to have performed such good deeds.

He thought everything was great until about ten minutes passed and he heard something knock against the side of the boat.

With stunned disbelief, the fisherman looked down and saw the snake was back with two frogs!

At The Shrink

Patient: - Doc, I had the worst dream of my life last night. I dreamed I was with twelve of the most beautiful chorus girls in the world. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, all dancing in a row...on the stage…

Psychiatrist: - Hold it! That doesn't sound so terrible.

Patient: - I was the third girl from the left…!

GFN INFORMATION

2011-05-07T14:08:00.000-07:00

The red bumps on a turkey's head are called CARUNCLES

Tip of the Day

2011-05-07T14:00:00.000-07:00

THE WORD “SICK”

If you feel sick, you feel physically or mentally ill; not healthy or well.
To feel sick - to feel unwell or ill.
I went home early from work because I felt sick.
To get sick - to throw up; to vomit
I got sick on the plane because of the turbulence.
To call in sick - to tell your employer that you're not coming to work because you don't feel well.
Betty called in sick three days last week. She had the flu.
I was as sick as a dog. I was in bed with a fever of 42 degrees.
To be as sick as a dog - to be very, very sick.

RULES OF THUMB

2011-05-07T13:54:00.000-07:00

EVER NOTICE ?

Did you ever notice that “i” when followed by the same 2 consonants sounds exactly like the “i” in Portuguese ?

Crippled Miffy Dinner
Permitted Inner Willing
Equipped Miss Written
Flipper Dizzy Bitter
Skimmed Cirrus Skinny

Word of The Day

2011-05-07T13:39:00.000-07:00

ON THE SAME PAGE

Function: idiom

Status: chiefly US, informal

Meaning: Agreeing about something (such as how things should be done)

e:g: Try to get employees and clients on the same page. Make sure everyone on the team is on the same page before you give your final answer.

Video Clip of the Day

2011-04-19T06:52:00.000-07:00

Hans Rosling, is a Swedish medical doctor, academic, statistician and public speaker. He is a Professor of International Health at Karolinska Institute and co-founder and chairman of the Gapminder Foundation, which developed the Trendalyzer software system.

In the video below Dr. Hans Rosling shows the history of the development of the planet over the past two centuries, making statistics on interactive graphical animation. "The Joy of Stats" is a BBC Program. Click and watch it.

http://youtu.be/jbkSRLYSojo

This present video clip was provided by our friend Ana Arnaud. HC

GFN INFORMATION

2011-04-19T06:50:00.000-07:00

"No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times if it is being folded in half for each of the 7 folds!"

RULES OF THUMB

2011-04-19T06:34:00.000-07:00

Fun and Funny

If you have problems with the words "fun" and "funny," look at these two sentences and see if you can feel the difference:

1. George is so funny. Every time I talk to him he makes me laugh.
2. I really enjoy going to the beach. It's so fun!

Both words here are adjectives. We use "fun" to say that something is enjoyable; we like doing it. We use "funny" to talk about things that make us laugh. Here are some more examples:

Funny

-Larry's joke about the Portuguese student was so funny I almost died laughing.
-Chaplin’s movies are always funny. Everyone in the theater ends up laughing.
-Mary is really funny. She has a great sense of humor, and always makes people laugh.

Fun

-My vacation in Rio was so fun! I went to Copacabana beach and to the Sugar Loaf.
-Jane's a really fun girl. It's always an adventure going out with her.
-Thank you for inviting me to your birthday party. It was really fun.
-I don't like going windsurfing. I think going to the movies is much more fun.

Famous last words

2011-04-18T14:21:00.000-07:00

"Yes, but not too many". Gerrit Achterberg, Dutch poet who had just parked his car, when his wife asked: "Shall I bake some potatoes?" After answering the question he suffered a fatal heart attack.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

2011-04-18T13:58:00.000-07:00

Back your Bags

A guy gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and says,

- "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The wife says,

- "Wow! That's great! I'm so happy!! Should I pack for the ocean, or should I pack for the mountains?"

He says,

- "I don't care. Just get out."

Great Forest Fire

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.

The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted,

- "Let's go!"

The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.

- "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "And make several low-level passes."

- "Why?" asked the nervous pilot.
- "Because I'm going to take pictures!. I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" yelled the photographer

The pilot replied,

- "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"

What's Up, Doc?
A woman went to the Community Hospital. After about 15 minutes with one of the new doctors, she went screaming down the hall. Another doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was and she explained. The second doctor went back to the first and said,

- "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old. She has four grown children and seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor simply smiled and said,

- "I cured her hiccups didn't I” ?

Quotations

2011-04-18T13:53:00.000-07:00

"Beware of the young doctor and the old barber".
Benjamin Franklin. US author, diplomat, inventor, physicist, politician, & printer (1706 - 1790)

Tip of the Day

2011-04-18T13:37:00.000-07:00

The Three Rs

Three Rs (pronounced three ars), can refer to:

The three Rs, is a widely-used abbreviation for the basic elements of a primary school curriculum: reading, ’riting (writing), and ’rithmetic (arithmetic).

Franklin Delano Roosevelt proposed a plan to bring about the recovery of the United States from the effects of the Great Depression: Relief, Recovery, and Reform

Word of The Day

2011-04-18T13:33:00.000-07:00

A Hard/Tough Nut to Crack

Function: idiom

Meaning:
A person or thing that is difficult to deal with, understand, or influence.

e.g.: The team's defense is a tough nut to crack. The problem is a hard nut to crack. He's a tough nut, but I think I can get him to agree to the contract.

Clip of the Day

2011-03-30T11:18:00.001-07:00

The incredible Alberta Hunter

GFN - INFORMATION

2011-03-30T11:05:00.000-07:00

"Fingernails have a life span of three to six months. That's how long it takes them to grow from base to tip, progressing at the pace of 1.5 inches a year, or 0.000000047 inches a second."

Famous Quotations

2011-03-30T10:56:00.000-07:00

“It’s no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another.” George W. Bush, former US President

April Fool's Day

2011-03-30T08:10:00.000-07:00

April 1st

In sixteenth-century France, the start of the New Year was observed on April first. It was celebrated in much the same way as it is today with parties and dancing into the late hours of the night. Then in 1562, Pope Gregory introduced a new calendar for the Christian world, and the New Year fell on January first.
There were some people, however, who hadn't heard or didn't believe the change in the date, so they continued to celebrate New Year's Day on April first. Others played tricks on them and called them "April fools." They sent them on a "fool's errand" or tried to make them believe that something false was true. In France today, April first is called "Poisson d'Avril." French children fool their friends by taping a paper fish to their friends' backs. When the "young fool" discovers this trick, the prankster yells "Poisson d’Avril!" (April Fish!)

Today Americans play small tricks on friends and strangers alike on the first of April. One common trick on April Fool's Day, or All Fool's Day, is pointing down to a friend's shoe and saying, "Your shoelace is untied." Teachers in the nineteenth century used to say to pupils, "Look! A flock of geese!" and point up. School children might tell a classmate that school has been canceled. Whatever the trick, if the innocent victim falls for the joke the prankster yells, "April Fool!”

The "fools' errands" we play on people are practical jokes. Putting salt in the sugar bowl for the next person is not a nice trick to play on a stranger. College students set their clocks an hour behind, so their roommates show up to the wrong class - or not at all. Some practical jokes are kept up the whole day before the victim realizes what day it is.

Most April Fool jokes are in good fun and not meant to harm anyone. The most clever April Fool joke is the one where everyone laughs, especially the person upon whom the joke is played.

Famous last words

2011-03-30T08:05:00.000-07:00

"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him". John Barrymore. 1882-1942. Acclaimed American actor.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

2011-03-30T08:00:00.000-07:00

Question asked in exam

How to Kill an Ant?

Student:- Mix a Chilli Powder with Sugar and keep it outside the ant’s hole. After eating the sugar coated chilli power, ant will go in search of Water. When ant go for water, push ant into it…! After getting wet, ant will go near fire to dry itself.. When it reaches near fire, throw a bomb into the fire and admit the wounded ant into ICU. When ant is in ICU, remove the Oxygen mask from its mouth and kill the ant.

Secret To Happy Married Life

- Husband: “When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger”

- Wife: “I’ll clean the toliet bowl.”

- Husband:”How does that help?”

- Wife:”I use your tooth brush.”

True Love

A man is sitting at home on the veranda having drinks with his wife and he says,

- “I love you.”

She asks,

- “Is that you or the beer talking?”

He replies,

- “It’s me….. talking to the beer.”

TIPS OF THE DAY

2011-03-30T07:55:00.000-07:00

If you believe that i.e. and e.g. mean the same thing, you're wrong!

E.g. (from latin - exemplia gratia) means "for example," and i.e. means roughly "in other words." You use “e.g.” to provide a list of incomplete examples, and you use “i.e.” to provide a complete clarifying list or statement.

That's it!

Bizarre

2011-03-30T07:43:00.000-07:00

Three decades without sleeping

Sixty-four-year-old Thai Ngoc, known as Hai Ngoc, said he could not sleep at night after getting a fever in 1973, and has counted infinite numbers of sheep during more than 11,700 consecutive sleepless nights. "I don't know whether the insomnia has impacted my health or not. But I'm still healthy and can farm normally like others," Ngoc said. Proving his health, the elderly resident of Que Trung commune, Que Son district said he can carry two 50kg bags of fertilizer down 4km of road to return home every day.

Word of the Day

2011-03-30T07:36:00.001-07:00

Trigger

Function: verb (with object)

Inflected forms:
triggers, triggered, triggering

Meanings:
1 a : to cause (something, such as an alarm) to start functioning
eg: Smoke triggered the fire alarm.

1 b : to cause (a bomb) to explode
eg: The timer was set to trigger the bomb in exactly one hour.

2 : to cause (something) to start or happen
eg: His remarks triggered a public outcry.
Certain foods seem to trigger his headaches.
The power outage was triggered by the heavy rains.

Clip of the Day

2011-03-22T05:49:00.000-07:00

Weekend in Rio

2011-03-21T07:06:00.000-07:00

The U.S. president, Barack Obama said this Sunday (20) in his speech to the Brazilian people, that the U.S. and Brazil should not be partners "senior" and "junior" but "equal partners".

The statement was made at the Teatro Municipal of Rio de Janeiro.

Obama began speaking in an informal atmosphere, venturing to say "Obrigado (thank you), Hi, Rio de Janeiro, Hello, Cidade Maravilhosa (Marvelous city)! and Boa tarde todo povo brasileiro (Good afternoon, all the Brazilian people)!" in Portuguese, with a tiny accent. A real magic spell. HC

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

2011-03-21T06:53:00.000-07:00

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. Albert Einstein, German physicist.

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

2011-03-21T06:35:00.000-07:00

A Strange Man
A man walked into a psychiatrist’s office with a fried egg on the top of his head and a strip of bacon over each ear. The psychiatrist decided to proceed with a normal greeting. There was no point getting the fellow upset.

- “What can I do for you?” the psychiatrist asked. The man smiled pleasantly.

- “Doc”, he answered, “I’m worried about my brother”.

Traffic Camera
A man was driving through town, when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding.

Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed.

He tried a fourth time with the same result.

He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail’s pace.

Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

Lost in Translation
The Smith family was very proud that their ancestors had come over on the Mayflower, so they hired best-selling author Frank McCourt to look up and write a book about their family history.

Horror of horrors! They discovered that great uncle Fess had died in the electric chair for committing a murder. They were devastated.

They didn’t want that in the book, but they didn’t want to leave him out either.

McCourt said, “Leave it to me.”

When the book came out, the section about Uncle Fess read like this:

- “He was a man who occupied a great seat. He was attached to his position very firmly. His death came as a great shock.”

Girls Are So Demanding
A 10-year-old girl was walking down the street when a big man on a big-old motorcycle pulls up beside her and says...

- “Hey little girl, do you want to go for a ride?”

- “NO!” says the little girl as she keeps on walking.

The motorcyclist pulls up beside her again and says,

- “Hey kid, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back.”

- “NO!” said the little girl and proceeded down the street a little quicker.

The motorcyclist pulls up to the little girl again and says...

- “Okay kid, I will give you $20 and a BIG bag of candy if you hop on the back of my bike for a ride.”

At this point the little girl turns to him and screams angrily,

- “Look Dad, YOU bought a Honda instead of a Harley, so, YOU ride it!”

Omission

2011-03-21T06:25:00.001-07:00

The Samba School, União da Ilha, during this year's carnaval in Rio de Janeiro, when honoring Charles Darwin, did not mention his words (The Voyage of the Beagle) transcribed below:

"I must here commemorate what happened for the first time during our nearly five years' wandering, namely, having met with a want of politeness. I was refused in a sullen manner at two different houses, and obtained with difficulty from a third, permission to pass through their gardens to an uncultivated hill, for the purpose of viewing the country. I feel glad that this happened in the land of the Brazilians, for I bear them no good will. On the 19th of August we finally left the shores of Brazil. I thank God, I shall never again visit a slave-country."

This present article was supplied by Osnaldo Araujo, a good old friend of mine.

Bizarre

2011-03-21T06:15:00.001-07:00

Brosnan: Bedding Halle Was a Letdown

World Entertainment News Network

Irish actor PIERCE BROSNAN had the opportunity to live every man's fantasy by bedding HALLE BERRY - but he hated it.

Brosnan, who is set to wrap filming on the latest JAMES BOND flick DIE ANOTHER DAY, admits that the opportunity to film a love scene with the stunning OSCAR winner wasn't as great as most men would envision it to be.

The screen star, who is happily married to beautiful brunette KEELY SHAYE SMITH, says that the idea of stripping down with Halle was highly appealing - until it was put to practice.

He says, "They're in both of your knickers, you're trying not to show breasts and nipples and stuff - all the loveliness of life. It's mad, absolutely mad!

"These love scenes always sound so seductive and lovely and here you are with this beautiful woman, rolling around in the sack, so to speak, and then you have this director under sheets with you, trying to get the shot. If that's not enough, there's also cameras on either side of you."

Famous last words

2011-03-21T06:03:00.000-07:00

John Adams

"Oh, yes; today is the glorious Fourth of July. It is a great day. It is a good day. God bless it. God bless you all. [He then lapsed into unconsciousness. He awakened later, and mumbled] Thomas Jefferson…"

John Adams who died on July 4, 1826. He is often quoted as having said "Thomas Jefferson still survives." with some depictions indicating he might have not expressed the entire statement before dying, i.e.: "Thomas Jefferson… still survi—", but some research indicates that only the words "Thomas Jefferson" were clearly intelligible among his last. Adams did not know that Jefferson, his great political rival—and later friend and correspondent—had died a few hours earlier that same 4th of July, 1826, exactly fifty years after the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

Odd News

2011-03-21T05:58:00.000-07:00

McDonald’s toilet breaks, woman sues

A woman filed a negligence suit Tuesday claiming she was injured when a toilet broke in a bathroom stall of a South Side McDonald’s restaurant.

Cherry Hardie claims that on March 12, 2010, she was seated on a toilet in a McDonald’s restaurant, 7601 S. Vincennes Ave., according to a lawsuit filed in Cook County Court.

The suit claims that seat fell off the toilet while she was seated and she reached for the bathroom wall to try to catch herself while she was falling. She suffered a severe injury to her left arm and shoulder, which came into contact with the bathroom wall.

The suit claims that Phideb Management Services, the owner of the McDonald’s restaurant, carelessly and negligently failed to manage and inspect the restrooms to determine dangerous conditions.

Phideb also failed to place railings or barricades around the perimeter of the bathroom stall with the broken toilet seat because Phideb should have known that the toilet seat would cause injury, according to the suit.

Hardie claims that she was injured, suffered a severe shock to her nervous system and became disabled.

The one-count negligence suit seeks more than $30,000 in damages.

Best Scenes from Classic Movies.

2011-02-23T16:48:00.000-08:00

"Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" is a 1969 American Western film directed by George Roy Hill and screenplay by William Goldman. Based loosely on fact, the film tells the story of Wild West outlaws Butch Cassidy, Paul Newman and his partner, the "Sundance Kid" Robert Redfor. The film won four Academy Awards: Best Cinematography; Original Score for a Motion Picture, Best Music, Song ("Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head"- Burt Bacharat); and Best Story and Screenplay Based on Material Not Previously Published or Produced.
The movie also won numerous British Academy Film Awards, including Best Film, Best Direction, Best Screenplay, Best Cinematography, Best Actor (Redford though), and Best Actress for Katharine Ross. In 2003, the film was selected for preservation in the United States National Film Registry by the Library of Congress as being "culturally, historically and aesthetically significant". This specific scene occurs when the two outlaws flee to Bolivia and they have to jump into the gorge but The Sundance Kid (Redford) can't swim. See the clip. HC

LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE

2011-02-23T16:35:00.000-08:00

Life Saver Pig
A homeless man stops at a farmhouse to beg to spend the night. The farmer answers the door and says, “Sure, we can put you up.”

The vagrant washes up for dinner and meets the family downstairs. Sitting at the dinner table are the farmer, his wife, their son, and a gigantic pig who is sitting at the table like a human. Throughout the meal the vagrant tries not to stare at the pig, who sports three medals around his neck, as well as a wooden leg.

Finally, he can contain his curiosity no longer. He asks “Would you mind telling me about the bronze medal around your pig’s neck?”

The farmer says “Sure. It’s really an incredible story. Little Timmy here was swimming in the lake when he got a cramp and started to drown. This pig heard his cries for help, busted out of his pen, ran to the lake, and saved our son’s life. So, we gave him the medal.”

The vagrant is amazed and says “Well, how about that silver medal?”

The farmer says “A few months ago our house caught fire in the middle of the night while we were all sleeping. This pig saw the flames, busted out of his pen and ran into the house, waking us up in time. To show our gratitude we gave him that silver medal.”

The homeless man says “While I’m at it, I might as well ask you about the gold medal.”

The farmer says “My wife was attacked by a burglar several weeks ago. This pig heard her cries, busted out of his pen, and chased that man far away. To show my thanks I gave him that gold medal”

The homeless man sits in awe of the pig, who is blithely eating his meal with a knife and fork. He asks “What about the wooden leg?”

The farmer says, matter-of-factly, “Well, you don’t eat a pig like THAT all at once!”

At the confessional
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks,
- Is that you, little Joey Pagano?
- Yes, Father.
- And who was the girl you were with?
- I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation.
- Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now.
- Was it Tina Minetti?
- I cannot say.
- Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?
- I’ll never tell.
- Was it Nina Capelli?
- I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.
- Was it Cathy Piriano?
- My lips are sealed.
- Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?
- Please, Father, I cannot tell you. The priest sighs in frustration.
- You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself. Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers...
- What’d you get?
- Four months vacation and five good leads…

Chicken Little

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.
She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, '… and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'
The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that farmer said?'
One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said:
'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!''
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

2011-02-23T16:30:00.000-08:00

"The genius of Einstein leads to Hiroshima." Pablo Picasso

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT

2011-02-23T16:28:00.001-08:00

This poster was released in the mid 80s and prompted a total recall of all posters because of the picture painted in ice-cubes at bottom right corner - a woman performing an act. The graphic artist who designed the picture put this in as a joke, and it went through unnoticed until someone spotted it on the back of a Coke truck. The artist lost his job and was sued, and all promotional material had to be recalled and destroyed.

LOVE IS....

2011-02-23T16:25:00.000-08:00

Love is… “when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she still says he is “handsomer” than Robert Redford." Chris, age 8

Tip of the Day

2011-02-23T16:19:00.000-08:00

ENGLISH IS A CRAZY LANGUAGE

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, now imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim….!

Tell Me Why...

2011-02-23T16:16:00.001-08:00

TELL ME WHY … “are there phone bills in a country of free speech

Quiz

2011-02-23T16:08:00.000-08:00

Select the word that best completes the sentence

reference - conference - deference - inference

1. I am traveling to São Paulo next month for a class __________.
2. A sign of hard times is that she will need a personal __________ to get the job.
3. Young people of today should treat their elders with __________.
4. She made the __________ that it was snowing by looking at the window.

FAMOUS sentences by famous MOTHERS

2011-02-23T16:03:00.000-08:00

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"

CURIOSITY

2011-02-23T15:57:00.000-08:00

Mathematical Genius at Large

Louisiana - There is one bandit in Louisiana who had better give up armed robbery until he learns how to count. The man walked into a small store, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.

The total amount of cash he got from the drawer was $15.